They want to teach 10-year-olds about SEX!! Also, 9-year-old has baby

A tale of two stories from FoxNews.com:

Today:

Planned Parenthood Pushes Intensive Sex Education for Kids as Young as 10
A new report by the International Planned Parenthood Federation is advocating that children as young as 10 be given extensive sex education, including an awareness of sex’s pleasures.

The report, “Stand and Deliver,” charges that religious groups, specifically Catholics and Muslims, deny their young access to comprehensive sexual programs and education. …

Ed Mechmann, spokesman for New York Archbishop Timothy Dolan, charged that Planned Parenthood was “trying to teach children sex without values and that sex is a matter of pleasure and done without consequences.”

He said religions like Catholicism and Islam teach sex as part of a much bigger picture and that Planned Parenthood was trying to de-link sex from traditional values.

“It is part of an effort to get children to reject traditional values and accept a liberal American-European view,” he said. “In many traditional countries — Catholic and Muslim — it won’t work and should be seen as cultural imperialism.”

Last Week:

Girl, 9, Gives Birth to Baby Boy

The baby, reportedly a boy, was delivered via Caesarean section on January 27 and weighed in at 6 pounds.

Circumstances surrounding the girl’s pregnancy were unknown, but her parents have sought legal help, according to the City Evening News, as sex with a child under the age of 14 brings with it an automatic rape conviction.

Despite the young age of the mother, who is from Songyuan, and the potential for severe complications, it has been reported the mother and her new baby are doing fine.

The baby was delivered at Changchun hospital, in the Jilin province. The nursing staff refused to comment.

No worries, though. Children having babies and teaching children about sex are two mutually exclusive concepts in FoxNewslandia.

–WKW

Zé Aparecido and the bird

We had a terrible thunderstorm here the other evening, leading to many a broken tree. With those broken trees came at least one baby bird, who set up a perch at our front door. And in doing so, gave young Zé Aparecido an hour or so worth of longing.

The bird and Zé Aparecido both emerged from the stand-off unharmed.

–WKW

Jezus aks his fallowrs to be more stupidur

AMERICUH – Following the grand celebration of his name at the recent Tea Party Convention, Jesus Christ issued this press release:

Deer fallowrs,

Hi! Im Jezus! Thank u 4 making me so more poplar wit Amricuhns. Thatz the great?

Pleez keep making teh persons of Amricuh more stupidur all the time. Wait, i thursty. Ok. UR the best!

Saruh Paylan is good so much that she tawks and things and stiuff and im the God and she knowz it and tawkz aboot it and makez me the happiest! and iwill devyne intervenshun U!

I aks my fallowrs to stop being so eduhcated. Itz no gud for me at all! Pretzels!

So tythe alot and stop lurning things but me all tyme and thn well all b in hehvan and pray and get the ize creem!

So listn to Saruh and b a reel Americuhn and don’t studie and listn to her and smrt peeple r teh stupid and u go0d and hevuhn.

Yay!

Luvs, jezus.

–WKW

A Pardon for Jack Johnson would benefit us all

It seems the moment that Barack Obama took over the Presidency of the United States, his overall message changed. “Change We Can Believe in” morphed into “Bipartisanship: Now and Forever.” Like Bill Clinton before him, the need for Republican acceptance has become a an almost fetish for Obama, with the results thus far quite predictable – the U.S. government is now radically partisan.

Of course, there’s one thing Obama could do – today – that would briefly appease some of his most vociferous critics. That would be to pardon Jack Johnson.

Jack Johnson was the first African-American Heavyweight champion. And despite having not thrown a punch in anger in more than 70 years, and having been dead for more than 60 years, many still consider him the greatest boxer in history.

As one can imagine, being the first Black Heavyweight champion – he won the title in 1908 – led to Johnson being the most reviled figure of his time. A surge of racism ran through the blood of even the most prominent writers and politicians of the day, and a concerted effort was made to take him down. To White America, the flashy and cocky Johnson needed to be shown his place.

Unable to find a white man to beat Johnson in the ring, they used the legal system to take him down. In 1912, Johnson was first arrested for a violation of the odious Mann Act. Unable to secure a conviction, he was then again arrested in 1913 for the same offense. The offenses? “Transporting women across state lines for immoral purposes.” Johnson knew both women well. The “crimes” he committed actually took place before the Mann Act had been ratified. But the U.S. judicial system did what no white boxer could do. They beat Jack Johnson, sentencing him to a year and a day in Federal prison.

Simply put, Jack Johnson had been convicted for being an unapologetic Black man.

Johnson fled the country, eventually losing his title to Jess Willard in 1915. Johnson finally returned to the U.S. in 1920, and served his sentence in Leavenworth. It is long past time for that sentence to be stricken from his record.

Jack Johnson does not deserve to be pardoned for being a good man. He was, in fact, a bad man in many aspects, with the onus of that description being his violence and abuse of women. But this is not about Johnson’s other sins.

Jack Johnson does not deserve to be pardoned because it’s African-American History Month. That is but an intangible moment of time.

Jack Johnson does not deserve to be pardoned because Barack Obama is the first African-American to serve as President. That is ridiculousness.

Jack Johnson deserves to be pardoned because he was arrested and tormented by the U.S. government solely because he was a Black man. His story is by no means unique. But his prominence and historical importance makes his story stand out and helps us all recognize the blatant crimes committed against African-Americans by America’s judicial system. His arrest – like many so many others – was purely racially motivated.

Both the House and Senate have demanded that Johnson be pardoned. The bill is on President Obama’s desk. But he won’t sign it. Because the Justice Department said it prefers to focus its pardon resources on people “who can truly benefit” from them.

“In terms of Jack Johnson, I think the Department of Justice came back recommending — not recommending a pardon on that,” said White House spokesman Robert Gibbs.

The resolution Congress passed to pardon Johnson said in part that it was “for the racially motivated conviction in 1913 that diminished the athletic, cultural, and historic significance of Jack Johnson and unduly tarnished his reputation … [It would] expunge a racially motivated abuse of the prosecutorial authority of the federal government from the annals of criminal justice in the United States.”

It is long past time to pardon Jack Johnson. The posthumous pardon has bi-partisan support, as Sen. John McCain and Rep. Peter King – Republicans both – are among those that have championed his cause.

But Jack Johnson should not be pardoned because it achieves some type of non-partisan unity. He should be pardoned because he was imprisoned for being a Black man. He should be pardoned because it would truly benefit us all.

–WKW

QOTD: Proudly and vainly

“As a sometimes hoaxster himself, Wolfrum would know to be dubious of any tips, distrustful of any information fed his way. If a dubious sources said X, he would print Y. And would do it proudly and vainly. That was his nature. That was his character.”

– From “I Am Martin Eisenstadt: One Man’s (Wildly Inappropriate) Adventures with the Last Republicans,” now available at Amazon.com for $1.63. Or $138.82.

–WKW

HuffPo as HuffPorn: NSFW photos, banana-eating models & me

When I wrote that I believed that The Huffington Post was “about eight minutes away from becoming a full-on masturbation magazine,” many chided me for over-the-top hyperbole.

“HuffPo is actually becoming very tabloidized–I seldom go there now. But the author defeats his point,”wrote a commenter on Daily Kos.

Not long after I published my post on the subject, Diane Tucker – fearless soul she is – wrote her own take on the subject – “Writer William K. Wolfrum Slams HuffPo For Becoming HuffPorn.”

Where did the post end up?

Check the bottom left. The story below the NSFW photos, banana-eating models and Vanessa Hudgen nude pic stories. I must remember to thank those at HuffPo for saving me from Hyperbole charges.

–WKW

E-mails reveal Piper Palin ran Alaska in 2008

ANCHORAGE - Recently released e-mails by the Alaska State Government showed that Sarah Palin’s youngest daughter Piper, then 7, handled most of Alaska’s State business in 2008.

“If I don’t get a happy meal, heads are going to roll,” thundered Piper in an e-mail to then-Lt. Governor Sean Parnell in March. “And the toy better not be doodie!”

Nearly 3,000 pages of e-mails that Piper Palin exchanged with state officials, which were released to msnbc.com and NBC News by the state of Alaska under its public records law, draw a picture of a Palin administration where the governor’s young daughter got involved in a judicial appointment, monitored contract negotiations with public employee unions, received background checks on a corporate CEO, added his approval or disapproval to state board appointments and passed financial information marked “confidential” from her father’s oil company employer to a state attorney.

Then the Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin was tabbed to be John McCain’s running mate in the 2008 Presidential Election in October. Nonetheless, the precocious child held incredible sway in the Alaska government throughout the year, notably when she made sure that her “Mommy & First Dude” didn’t have to pay taxes at a vacation lodge the family owns in the Matanuska-Susitna Borough of Alaska.

“If we pay one cent. One cent in taxes, I will poop myself,” Piper Palin wrote to the family attorney from her Yahoo e-mail account – Barracuda2@yahoo.com. “Do you hear me Poop!”

While many political observers question whether it was proper for a child to have such power in the oil-rich state, one anonymous Republican said that it was normal operating procedure.

“Few people are aware that Rudy Giuliani let Andrew run New York City for most of 1990,” said the source. “The kid was like 5, and let me tell you, the doodie flew.”

–WKW

Karl Rove to star in “The Bachelor”

59-year-old Karl Rove is out to prove to the world that nice guys finish last and that evil douchebags finish in love. Tighten your security and prepare to be politically mauled as this Republican Political Operative is ready to trash reputations and destroy lives as the Bachelor.

Known as “Turdblossom” to his friends and “Asshole” to everyone else, Karl Rove grew up in Sparks, Nevada and attended the University of Utah. He discovered his passion for destroying his political opposition early, as he started his political career in high school. As an accomplished plotter, he became part of the Republican Party at the age of 19. In his free time, he has fun torturing kittens and finding new ways to oppress minorities.

Now, if you’re thinking this guy looks familiar, you’d be right. Ever since Karl shared a magical date with The Decider, George W. Bush, millions of Conservatives have had their own low-down, disturbing fantasies about him. Basically a demon in human form with a strong reputation as a dishonest creep with the heart of Gorgon bile, fans weren’t stunned in the least when he joined the propaganda arm of the GOP, Fox News.

Requests for him to be the next Bachelor didn’t come in, at all. But he has incriminatory pictures of top executives at the network, so here we are. Karl, who believes marriage is a sacred institution, is coming off the fairytale experience of his second divorce. This divorce gave him motivation to continue his search for love on The Bachelor. Only this time, it’s his turn to call the shots.

Karl longs to find that special someone who is vapid, moronic, mentally unstable and doesn’t shave. He wants someone who he can take to parties and who doesn’t think much. He also admits that he can’t wait for his third marriage – and divorce. To make things even more exciting and to take advantage of Conservatives’ notoriously loose morals, this year many of the Bachelorettes will already be married. This promises to be one of the most exciting and horrifyingly disturbing seasons ever!

Will Karl slither off into the underbrush with one of the Bachelorettes waiting in a pile of excement? One thing we know for sure is that there will be 25 candidates and at least 24 horrifyingly defeated and besmirched losers once the 15th edition of The Bachelor takes to the air on Monday, July 4, 2010 on ABC!

–WKW

Overstock.com & Patrick Byrne help define “Cookie Jar Reserve”

While it’s all fun and games with the pretend tough guys over at Overstock.com, Patrick Byrne and crew have done all us financial layman a favor – they’ve made the term “Cookie Jar Reserve” easier for us to understand. Yesterday, Overstock.com – working on deadline – restated their 2009 financial report.

A Cookie Jar Reserve is an illegal practice when a company under-reports
income during an earlier reporting period in order to inflate income for future reporting periods. It is a practice that misleads the investors of publicly traded companies like Overstock.

From Overstock.com’s restatement:

“Correction of these errors is expected to shift approximately $1.7 million of income recognized in fiscal year 2009 back to fiscal year 2008.”

Sam Antar – he of the Crazy Eddie Fraud scheme who was profiled here – has long been asserting publicly that Overstock.com has been cooking the books in this way. Antar has been vilified, threatened and mocked non-stop by Byrne and his PR shill/Partner-in-crime Judd Bagley. But this last restatement vindicates him, and shines an even greater light on the issuer retaliation tactics of Overstock.com.

Last year, I wrote a post titled “For Patrick Byrne and Overstock.com, the real story is in the financial reports.” I led it off thusly:

Overstock.com CEO Patrick Byrne has had a busy week, attacking messengers and filing reports. As should always be the case with Byrne and Overstock, the real news goes on top – Overstock’s financial reporting.

And the song remains the same. Because while Byrne’s rants about naked short sellers and his blatant attacks on any who question his accounting may be all fun and games, it is pure diversion. What matters is the financial reports. And Byrne’s guilt is consistently written all over them.

–WKW

Angelina Jolie admits to affair with Panda

Washington D.C. has gone nutty over a couple pandas heading to China, while the mainstream media is still on Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Watch. I guess reporting on Haiti, Unemployment, Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, etc., has become too much of a bummer.

If only Jolie would admit to a lurid affair with one of the pandas. The entirety of the mainstream media would implode right before our very eyes.

–WKW

Veteran Phillip Spooner on Gay Equality: “What do you think I fought for at Omaha Beach?”

What do you think about Gay Equality? WWII Veteran Phillip Spooner says it better than nearly anyone else could. A must-see video.

Via New York Magazine

We Americans grow up hearing about “Freedom and Liberty.” It is literally drilled into our heads day after day. We are now at a time when those words must either be proven true, or dismissed all together. A thank you to Mr. Spooner for his service and his beautiful sentiments.

–WKW

I’ve never been in the military but I know what the troops think

I have never served in the U.S. military. It was never really an option for me, as I tend to be quite cowardly and flee at the first sight of trouble. Also, I’m about as disciplined as Dennis Rodman. In fact, not only have I never served, I don’t really even know anyone currently serving. Nonetheless, I know exactly what men and women in the military are thinking.

First off, there are a lot of 18-year-old, old-fashioned, testosterone-laden men in the military who are tough guys. They’re often politically old-fashioned or conservative; they are not necessarily at the vanguard, in many cases, of accepting alternative forms of lifestyle.

Yes, these tough guys (and tough girls, I suppose) are willing to go into enemy territory, fight death-wishing terrorists and do whatever it takes to keep our nation safe. But they’re horrified of gay people. The mere sight of a gay person leads to what they call in the military (I’m assuming) “Spontaneous Pants-Pooping.” These may be brave men and women, but they are mostly conservative and mostly terrified of what someone does in their own bedroom. Trust me, I know.

Despite never having been in the military, I have a stunning deal of knowledge on the subject. After all, I love war. Thus, I’m an expert on those in uniform. Here are some facts you might not have been aware of:

• All of our troops are Christian. If they weren’t when they joined, they are now.
• Our troops risk their lives for the American people. Except for the Gay American people. They must fend for themselves.
• When our troops torture enemies (and all of them torture enemies, all the time) they call it “Happy Fun Time.” Like me, most of them orgasm just thinking about torture.
• Everyone in the military wants war, perpetually.
• Everyone in the military under the rank of Colonel has a vestigial tail.

How do I know so much about the mindset of those in the military? Because I’ve watched a lot of movies about war. And after watching them, I know that American soldiers always win. And I know that they, like I love war. But more than anything, I know they are closed-minded and despise gays and lesbians. I do, after all, so they must, as well.

--WKW

Get your masturbation on at The Huffington Post

While I understand the difficulty in making money on the Internet, I have generally tried to avoid doing baser things in order to make my Web site more profitable. Like, for instance, I haven’t made it a porn site or relied on scantily clad women to get extra hits. I have had my moments of weakness, mind you, but the most part, mine is a fairly dry site if getting wet is what you’re after.

The Huffington Post, however, is about eight minutes away from becoming a full-on masturbation magazine.

As political Web sites go, The Huffington Post has been on top of the pile for some time, having long bypassed The Drudge Report. That however, is apparently not good enough for leader Arianna Huffington, who now seeks to take HuffPo to the top of the Porn charts.

Just a look at today’s top stories tells you about all you need to know:

• The 7 Weirdest Things Women Do to Their Vaginas
• Pink’s Grammy Performance: Upside Down & Nearly Naked
• Grammys Chest Dressed: Who Wore Low-Cut Best?
• Macquarie Banker Caught With Naked Miranda Kerr Photos On…

Aside from being a place to masturbate, HuffPo also covers celebrities as if the nation were about to run out of them:

• Grammys 2010 Best-Dressed: See Who Rocked The Red Carpet…
• PHOTOS: Hayden Panettiere Shows Off Her Boyfriend
• Bachelor Vienna’s Boob Job.. Mel Gibson A**hole Fracas.. Jesus DUMPS Madonna

And, of course, there’s Huffington’s love of pseudoscience:

• PHOTO: UFO In Space Stuns Scientists

Mind you, these stories are all on the front page of the behemoth site right now. And that doesn’t count big stories on the girl who sold her virginity or a 9-year-old that gave birth, etc.

The Huffington Post rocketed to the top of the political world by featuring a wide array of voices. But nowadays, blogging is no longer their forte. Because like so many before, The Huffington Post has learned that what the American public wants is porn and nonsense. And Hufpo is delivering both in grand portions.

Update: Over at The Huffington Post, journalist Diane Tucker talks about this post and tackles this issue in the post: “Writer William K. Wolfrum Slams HuffPo For Becoming HuffPorn”

–WKW

Blogroll Amnesty Day: Smaller Blogs should not be allowed to serve in the U.S. Military or marry

Every year around this time, a group of bloggers hold something called “Blogroll Amnesty Day.” Basically, in the tradition of true bleeding-heart liberals, these big-shot blogs seek to celebrate smaller blogs around Greater Blogtopia. Once again, liberals showcase all that is wrong with America.

First off, bigger bloggers giving free handouts to smaller blogs will only make them more insistent on more free handouts. Before long, these smaller bloggers will post more often, and with greater success. Then they will start linking to smaller blogs and the scenario will repeat itself. While this is good for them, it’s not good for me. Having been an A-List blogger from birth (I was bequeathed this blog from my grandfather John F. Wolfrum), I won’t go down without a fight.

This brings me to my main point: Under no circumstances should we allow small bloggers to either serve in the U.S. military or get married. The very fabric of our society is at stake, people, and I for one will not sit idly by. Because any way you list it, the destruction smaller blogs will do to the sanctity of marriage and the fighting spirit of the military cannot be understated.

This is no random babble. First off, the U.S. military is made of testosterone charged men (and yeah, some women, wev) who could never handle having forward-thinking bloggers that don’t get tons of hits amongst them. It’s not feasible. They’d just throw down their arms, break their commitment to protect the United States and go somewhere and pout. It takes very little curiosity to know this. It’s a no-brainer.

As for marriage, this should be obvious. Two smaller bloggers would get together, get married and then perhaps have a child that would truly be a miniscule blogger. Is this the sort of blogosphere we are after? I think not. Really, it’s enough to make you drink liberally.

My fight against smaller blogs shall never be relaxed. With corporations now ruling the roost in these United States, smaller blogs will do little more than hurt the status quo. I suppose if changing the status quo is something you think is necessary, feel free to support Blogroll Amnesty Day.

email skippy

–WKW

Jesus Christ: Karl Rove’s divorce destroys the Sanctity of Marriage

TEXAS – The Sanctity of Marriage came to an end recently, as political operative and conservative Karl Rove got a divorce. Rove, former senior adviser to President George W. Bush, has been granted a divorce in Texas after 24 years of marriage.

“Karl Rove and his wife, Darby, were granted a divorce last week,” said Fox News Analyst Dana Perino.

Reached for comment, Jesus Christ Almighty said Rove’s divorce – one in a long line of divorces from prominent pro-marriage types like Newt Gingrich, John McCain, Ronald Reagan and others – ends marriage in his eyes.

“What part of ‘Until death do us part,” don’t you cretins understand!” said a pissed-off Christ. “That’s it. Over. Done. I’m not counting anyone as married any more.”

Christ’s proclamation opens the door for same-sex marriages, as now all marriages are considered equal in the eyes of the Lord, and the burning hypocrisy of same-sex marriage protesters can now no longer be ignored. The Savior’s ruling, however, will have no effect on whether gays and lesbians can serve in the military, as Rove never served in the military and bases all his opinions on it on pure conjecture.

–WKW

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