The name is Judd: Bagley, Gregg, others give Judd a bad name
February 3, 2010
There is a Judd problem in the U.S. these days. Whether named Bagley, Gregg or Wynonna, the name Judd has been slung through the mud, as it now carries baggage like pedophilia, pederasty, murder and more. One needs an Apple iPad to keep track of the carnage. Some recent examples:
- Judd Bagley: Conservative hero Patrick Byrne’s PR shill has long operated on the Karl Rove, Lee Atwater theory that viciously attacking your enemies is a good way to shut them up. Having been accused of being a possible pederast, a stalker and of outright threatening those that dare speak out on the disaster that is Overstock.com. From this Judd:
“I don’t want to cause anybody unnecessary harm, but I’m beyond tired of the lies.
If you choose to continue as you have been, I will write about you on AntiSocialMedia.net. In doing so, my goal is not to intimidate, but to let you own your words; under those circumstances, I think the lies will take care of themselves.
Having said that, I’m also very much aware of the impact this could have on your reputation, especially where you live, and I feel obligated to offer you a way out.”
- Judd Gregg: After deciding not to be part of Barack Obama’s Cabinet, Gregg quickly became just about as anti-U.S. Government as Hugo Chavez and as unpopular with the ladies as Tiger Woods is popular. To drive home the point, this Judd attacked two female MSNBC reporters for having the temerity to ask if he believed in Ronald Reagan’s theory that the Department of Education must go. Some of Gregg’s work:
- Wynonna Judd: Ok, Wynonna herself seems Ok lately. But the country star sure can find trouble for the name Judd. A pedophile & Child porn lover entered her life via Scott Z. Myers, who home-schooled her two children. He been charged with distribution of child pornography. From Perez Hilton:
“Myers, who is only 27, admitted in an online chatroom that he engaged in sexual activity with four boys who lived nearby and was also seen leaving his apartment with two boys when the feds showed up to execute a search warrant.”
Of course, this Judd seems to have a thing for men with pedophilia tendencies, as just three years ago:
“Wynonna Judd filed for divorce Tuesday from her estranged husband, less than a week after his arrest in Texas on sex charges involving a minor.
Dan R. Roach, 49, was arrested Thursday in Abilene and charged with three counts of aggravated sexual battery against a child younger than 13 in Nashville, police said.”
On the bright side, sister Ashley Judd seems to be staying out of trouble quite nicely.
- Judd Apatow: Ok, he hasn’t been involved in any crimes that we’re aware of, but he’s apparently the only human allowed to make a comedy in Hollywood. And they’ve become little more than unfunny sexist dramas. No wonder entertainment fans are more interest in Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Taylor Swift and Lady Gaga than watching an American-made comedy. This Judd is an anchor that’s rapidly driving American culture down the crapper.
- Charles Judd: Proving you don’t need to be a famous Judd like Wynonna, Gregg or Bagley, this Judd is a paroled sex offender that was arrested on charges of second-degree murder in the slaying of a father and son.
While all this makes a compelling case for just arresting anyone with Judd in their name, that is sadly not the type of society we live in. But, hopefully, it will give something for Judd-minded parents to think about when naming their children. Better to stick with more conventional, conservative names. Like Madonna. Or Jesus.
–WKW
QOTD: Adm. Mike Mullen on DADT
February 2, 2010
“Stand by what I said: Allowing homosexuals to serve openly is the right thing to do. Comes down to integrity.”
–WKW
From the sports desk …
February 2, 2010
Thoughts from an occasional sportswriter …
- The Reluctant Jam Boy wants to take golf writing in a new direction. With his first two eclectic and page-turning E-books, he may have done just that.
- Being that Peyton and Eli Manning already have Super Bowl glory, let’s see if Archie’s former team can get him some by proxy. No doubt the Saints are huge emotional favorites over the Colts in this year’s Super Bowl. Take the team-formerly-known-as-the “Aints,” 38-23.
- Does British Jr. Welterweight Amir Khan have skills? Absolutely. Does he have a chin. Absolutely not. Which is why Juan Manuel Marquez, or even the feather-fisted but strong-jawed Paulie Malignaggi will leave him on the canvas.
- Shane Mosley vs. Floyd Mayweather Jr. will be the fight of 2010.
- John Terry had an affair with a teammate’s ex-girlfriend? That’s excellent news for the U.S. Men’s Soccer Team. Now, if only Wayne Rooney will get arrested or something and not be on the pitch on June 12.
- It’s always fun when golfers start parsing words like politicians. Well, maybe not so fun for Phil Mickelson.
- Greatness starts early. For proof, watch Lionel Messi at age 10.
–WKW
The Apple iPad: A hand-held genocide machine
February 2, 2010
While society has many ills, few threaten it as much as Apple’s release of the iPad*. This computer-esque piece of modern technology not only threatens society, but the entire planet, as well. In a world where swift communication is king, the iPad promises to take it to an new, exciting, and deadly plateau.
For the Apple iPad is more than just a modern gadget. It is a device that irreversibly changes the direction of human interest. In attempting to make communication easier, Apple has unleashed a plague upon our houses. The end result – which is literally only moments away – is unstoppable violent anarchy for all that breathe.
Because what this device does, in essence, is strip away the morality of the average person. No more shall things like pornography and angry imagery be left to PCs or laptops. No, now these things shall be in the soul possession of the individual, day and night, ad infinitum.
The overt grotesqueness of the Apple iPad cannot be overstated. Whilst citizens of the planet struggle with numerous and dangerous issues, the iPad takes it all a step further. It is a hand-held genocide machine. It is all the most horrifying dreams of Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot and James Dobson combined. It is all that is wrong with both conservatism and liberalism. It is the end of human evolution.
Only a narcissistic few will overlook the power of destruction that comes in tablet form. But those narcissists will fight until the death to insure that the iPad reaches its final, devastating climax of human destruction. These self-lovers will guarantee that Apple’s bloodless coup will soon have the rivers flowing with human, canine and rabbit blood.
Every so often in humankind’s history a new device comes along that changes the course of human morals. The plank, the electric chair, the Susan B. Anthony dollar, the nuclear bomb. The Apple iPod is the final and ultimate manifestation of this evil trend. May God have mercy on our souls.
–WKW
*Note: The author has never physically seen or used an Apple iPad, nor did he research it in any meaningful way. But it seems expensive and probably won’t work in Brazil, anyway.
A Letter to America from Karl Marx
February 1, 2010
Dear America,
Regarding Marxism: Shut up, Shut up, Shut up, Shut up, Shut up, Shut up, Shut up, Shut up, Shut up, Shut up!!!
Barack Obama is not a Marxist. You people are as far away from being Marxists as Milton Friedman was.
Study some history. Read a book. Get a grip. And for the love of Engels*, shut the hell up about Marxism.
Karl
* You have no idea who Engels is, do you? Dear God, I hate you people.
–WKW
Breaking: Khalid Sheikh Mohammed breaks out of Guantanamo, defeats U.S. military, enslaves American public
February 1, 2010
NEW YORK – In a shocking development, arch-terrorist Khalid Sheikh Mohammed broke out of Guantanamo Prison today, personally defeated the entire U.S. military, overthrew the U.S. Government and forced all Americans to abide by Sharia Law.
“We told you so,” said a crying Sean Hannity, a snot bubble coming from his nose. “Obama!!!!!!”
Details of the break out are still sketchy, but eyewitnesses are confirming that KSM used “some type of type of dark magic to turn into an undefeatable terrorist Godzilla.”
The break out and and corresponding overthrow proves that panicked U.S. politicians were correct that KSM should not have been given a trial in New York City. Previously, many believed that said politicians were just a sniveling bunch of cowards still eager to politicize terrorism.
“Thank God he was never transfered to New York,” said New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg. “This could have been really bad.”
Before the bloody, one-man destruction of the United States, the U.S. Congress had stated that they would deny any federal funds for trying KSM in a federal court of law.
“This is really dangerous nonsense,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. “We have a way to do it, Interrogate them, detain them, and try them in military commissions offshore at Guantanamo from which no one has ever escaped.”
McConnell added that people like Ronald Reagan who supported giving terrorists federal trials “just don’t understand the threats America faces.”
Still, while the nation is now in complete disarray and chaos, some Conservatives have hailed the new rule of their Islamic Overlord.
“Finally, this nation has someone who will lead it in a moral, strong-fisted way,” said Muhammad Rashii-Limbaugh – formerly known as Rush Limbaugh. “Praise Allah.”
–WKW
Chris Matthews: “I forgot Prince & Paris Jackson were black”
February 1, 2010
During last night’s Grammy Awards, Michael Jackson’s children Paris and Prince Jackson accepted a Lifetime Achievement Award on behalf of their late father, in what was easily the most moving moment of the show.
“We are proud to be here to accept this award on behalf of our father, Michael Jackson,” said Prince. “First of all, we’d like to thank God for watching over us for the past seven months. And our grandmother and grandfather for their love and support. We would also like to thank the fans. Our father loved you so much because you were always there for him.”
Later in the evening on MSNBC, political and cultural commentator Chris Matthews said that for just a moment, he forgot that the two were Black.
“I was trying to think about who they were tonight … It’s interesting. They are post-racial, by all appearances … I forgot they were black tonight,” said Matthews.
While some were appalled by Matthews’ statement, others gave him a pass.
“I’m sure he just messed up,” said Grammy winner Taylor Swift. “Who’s Chris Matthews, anyway?”
–WKW
