New GOP Platform: Microchip Mexicans & use them for barter
April 30, 2010 by William K. Wolfrum
WASHINGTON – The Republican National Committee came forward today with a one-page document showcasing its new platform for the remainder of the year.
The new platform is based on illegal immigration and keeping medical expenses down. From the document:
“We hereby believe that all illegal immigrants should have a microchip inserted into their neck. These “Microchipped Mexicans” (MMs) can then be purchased at Walmart and used for barter to help lower health care costs.
Example: A kidney operation will cost roughly 14 MMs.”
“Once again, we are showing our revolutionary thinking and new ideas,” said RNC Chairman Michael Steele. “We are using free-market and capitalism to solve our most pressing problems.”
The new platform also has a plan to use illegal immigrants to help fight large oil spills, like the one currently in the Gulf.
“The air-dropping of MMs on to oil-ravaged sea areas could simultaneously clean the oceans, and save oil, as MMs will later be dragged from the sea and wrung out for the precious oil. Provided this plan does not cause inflation in the burgeoning MM market, we believe it is a workable solution,” said the document.
“We are the party of ideas!” said Steele. “MMs will have a variety of uses!”
The rest of the document contained ideas such as: Putting Ronald Reagan on the $50 bill, making Winter “Ronald Reagan Season,” and shortening African-American History Month to just an hour in August.