New GOP Platform: Microchip Mexicans & use them for barter

April 30, 2010 by  

WASHINGTON – The Republican National Committee came forward today with a one-page document showcasing its new platform for the remainder of the year.

The new platform is based on illegal immigration and keeping medical expenses down. From the document:

“We hereby believe that all illegal immigrants should have a microchip inserted into their neck. These “Microchipped Mexicans” (MMs) can then be purchased at Walmart and used for barter to help lower health care costs.

Example: A kidney operation will cost roughly 14 MMs.”

“Once again, we are showing our revolutionary thinking and new ideas,” said RNC Chairman Michael Steele. “We are using free-market and capitalism to solve our most pressing problems.”

The new platform also has a plan to use illegal immigrants to help fight large oil spills, like the one currently in the Gulf.

“The air-dropping of MMs on to oil-ravaged sea areas could simultaneously clean the oceans, and save oil, as MMs will later be dragged from the sea and wrung out for the precious oil. Provided this plan does not cause inflation in the burgeoning MM market, we believe it is a workable solution,” said the document.

“We are the party of ideas!” said Steele. “MMs will have a variety of uses!”

The rest of the document contained ideas such as: Putting Ronald Reagan on the $50 bill, making Winter “Ronald Reagan Season,” and shortening African-American History Month to just an hour in August.



8 Responses to “New GOP Platform: Microchip Mexicans & use them for barter”

  1. Michael on April 30th, 2010 9:07 am

    Much like some of your previous prophetic satire, somehow this all seems way too plausible. Like it might happen tomorrow, or Sunday. I’m sure none of us would be surprised.

  2. dgun on April 30th, 2010 8:14 pm

    Yup Michael.

    There is some stupid dick in Alabama running for Governor who is apparently basing his campaign on removing multiple languages from the state’s driver’s license exam.

    Because “in Alabama we speak English”. Maybe so. But not very damn well, onaccountof we don’t support public schools worth a piss, onaccountof stupid dick politicians find it too easy to win elections with moronic shit like this.

  3. sherriwilson on May 1st, 2010 8:10 am

    Just so you know, I live in Alabama, but I am not really from here. Therefore, I do speak English quite well. That being said, the stupid dick running for Governor is way behind in the polls and will hopefully soon slink back into the swampy slime he crawled out of…

  4. Dick Sorenson on May 1st, 2010 4:35 pm

    I’m probably not telling you anything you don’t already know. I was listening 2 a Repub. Talk show earlier and Obama might be caught up in a sex scandal. National Enquirer is sick as they can be they usually are right.

    What pissed me off was the talk show host was black and he was laughing and comparing to Clinton. We all know the Money Dictatorship only picks those they think they control via their sexual picadillos and usually they surface when the Money Dictatorship doesn’t like the way things are going.

    TTYL Keep up the great work W

  5. Dick Sorenson on May 1st, 2010 4:37 pm

    Forgot one thing. That laughing really got to me because I was thinking of his daughters. What a blow if this takes hold.

  6. Bob on May 1st, 2010 7:11 pm

    What’s the exchange rate between MMs, MGs (microchipped Guatemalans), MHs, (Hondurans),MES (Salvadorans) and MNs (Nicaraguans)?

    ‘Cause back in NC, most of the “Messicans” are actually from Honduras and Guatemala… not that the sheep/rubes/whiteys know (acknowledge or care about) the difference.

  7. William K. Wolfrum on May 2nd, 2010 6:44 am

    Yeah, they’re all just Mexican in this scenario, Bob lol

  8. dgun on May 2nd, 2010 11:00 am

    Hey Dick, it sounds to me that the limo driver is after a payday.

    Looks like the national enquirer has already retracted part of the story.

    This is all the right wing squawk machine will need, thou…

    byw, just because the enquirer was right about Edwards, doesn’t mean it can be trusted. It’s still 95% lying rag.

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