Holy Spirit quits Holy Trinity to embark on solo career
August 9, 2010 by William K. Wolfrum
Holy Spirit announced today that he has left the Holy Trinity in order to pursue a solo career.
“For too long, I have been an overlooked member of this Supergroup, relegated to such things as telling girls when God impregnated them,” said Spirit, his mother sitting beside him for the duration of the interview. “Finally, people will get to see what my work is all about.”
Long considered the “Ringo” of the Holy Trinity to God and Son’s Lennon and McCartney, Spirit has long spoke of a potential move. While the sheer number of true followers Spirit will take with him are staggering, the fact that no one really understands the concept of the Holy Spirit will likely make a solo career tougher for him.
Spirit (Real Name: Tim Johnson) is the incomprehensible “essence of God,” but that will likely be a tough sale says industry analyst Jens Beckerhenmen.
“It was much easier when Holy Spirit was represented by a dove,” said Beckerhenmen. “Because his appearance literally blows your mind. No way to get that on a lunchbox.”
Still, Spirit said he’s ready to take things to the next level and he refused to say anything disparaging toward the other Trinity members despite rumors of a rift between the three.
“I see Justin Timberlake have solo success and if he can do it, anyone can do it. Trust me,” said Spirit, 23. “I’m ready to do this thing. I’d like to thank God and Jesus for all their help. My time in Trinity was great, but it’s just time to go solo.”
God and Jesus could not be reached for comment, but rumor is that they will continue on with their long-planned U.S. concert in the Fall. The duo still enjoyed unparalleled success in many parts of the United States.
“Man, Jesus and God are just the tops, man,” said unemployed construction worker Bob Friend. “The Holy Spirit, tho? You know, I never really understood that. Did you?”
Regardless, Spirit says he’s got the new look and attitude he believes people are looking for today.
“I’m just a spirit of the people now,” said Spirit, donning the appearance of a late-30s white guy. “Call me Tim the Spirit. Or Holy the Spirit. Or H to the S. Or something catchy. This thing is going to be huge.”
–WKW
From Eddie Izzard:
God – Well, what’s the Holy Ghost doing?
Jesus – Oh, he’s useless, dad. He’s running around with a sheet over his head.
Holy Ghost (in spooky ghost voice) – Oooooh! Holy Ghost! Holy Ghost!
God – Holy Ghost, this is not an episode of Scooby Doo.
Wait a minute — I thought the Holy Spirit announced this on ESPN like a month ago, when he said he was takin’ his talents to South Beach.
But has he swiped a beer from Jesus and hopped on the inflatable slide? He’s all talk until then!
Alright you ignorant atheists… if there is no god, then HOW DOES THE SUN KEEP ORBITING THE EARTH? BAM!
You see people, that’s how you deal with atheist skum. With LOGIC! Hit that bullseye and the rest of the dominoes will come down like a house of cards… CHECKMATE!
And on that note…
Dunt dun duuh DAAAAHHHH!
!!!!!!!!!MY ATHEIST STORE!!!!!!!!!
Aristotle’s Muse
This is my store. Maybe wearing an atheist T-shirt won’t change the world, but enough of them just might.
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