Anti-Muslims protest Mosque to be built on top of Mosque

SEATTLE – “Do I need honor these people and pretend that they are worthy of the privileges of the First Amendment which I have in my gut the sense that they will abuse?” cried out Marty Peretz.

“Where are the peaceful Muslims?! Where are the peaceful Muslims?” wrote Sarah Palin on her Facebook page.

No, the pair of Conservative standard-bearers were not, in fact complaining about Cordoba House in New York. They were instead complaining about another Mosque project, this one in Seattle. In West Seattle, the same group that is putting together the Mosque near Ground Zero is now taking on another controversial project – building a mosque directly on top of another Mosque.

“We’ve suffered!!!!!,” wrote Palin on her Facebook page. “You betcha!”

Newt Gingrich, another moderate Republican also came out against the idea of a mosque on a mosque, saying that unlike the economy, this will be a real issue in the coming elections.

“People come to Seattle and they see that mosque, and it gives them pain,” said Gingrich. “Now, they will see a mosque on top of THAT mosque, and they will feel more pain.

“I say we just do what Saudi Arabia does and hang the lot of them,” added Gingrich.

While there have been no official statements from the builders yet, the entire Middle East has erupted in joy over the announcement.

“Wait, you are telling me that there is already a mosque there, and now, they are going to build a mosque on top of that mosque?” So there will now be two mosques where there once was one?” said Ali Al-Zaben in Yemen. “Praise Allah! We have won 9-11! America has fallen and must live by Sharia Law. This is just wonderful. But, wait, you are sure it is a Mosque on top of the Mosque, right? Not a community center? That matters.”

Tea Party organizers in Seattle have said that they have thus far gathered 13 signatures against the mosque on top of the mosque and plan to protest the mosques next Sept. 11.

“This gives us time to plan,” said Tea Party organizer Tim Johnson.

Still, some want more decisive action, more quickly.

“This is all about Obama and his Kenyan Theoretical Government Assessment Secular Tribal Theories,” said Gingrich, a 2012 Presidential hopeful. “Obama wants the Muslims to win. And if we allow them to double-deck a mosque in Seattle, we will have given up all hope in this war against the Muslim people. Or whatever.”

–WKW

Please stop with the Eating Contests

Ok, really, have we not yet reached the point where enough is enough with the eating contests? Seriously, I just don’t care if some 120-pound Japanese guy can eat 546 hot dogs in 10 minutes, or if Joey Chestnut can choke down 33 burritos:

Competitive eater Joey Chestnut, AKA Jaws, has downed 47 burritos in 10 minutes at the New Mexico state fair in Albuquerque, beating the previous record of 33. Chestnut, of San Jose, California, won $1,500 for the feat on Saturday.

Known for his hotdog eating, Chestnut also won the annual July Fourth hotdog-eating contest on Coney Island, New York, for the fourth year in a row this summer.

The Garcia’s World Burrito Eating Championship was supported by the International Federation of Competitive Eating, which oversees all international professional eating contests.

Here’s the Major League Eating Web site: Give them a call, and tell them about world hunger and the U.S. economy. At very least, let them know that eating contests are just too gauche to exist any longer. Joey Chestnut and that Japanese guy must have some secondary skills to fall back on.

–WKW

President Barack Obama – War Criminal

President Barack Obama is a war criminal, says liberal icon Noam Chomsky:

What are your thoughts on President Obama?

Chomsky: He’s involved in war crimes right now. For example, targeted assassinations are war crimes. That’s escalated quite sharply under Obama. If you look at WikiLeaks, there are a lot of examples of attacks on civilians.

And here’s the thing – Chomsky is absolutely right. But as things stand in 2010 and have stood for a long, long time, American Presidents can commit war crimes whenever they wish, without any fear of tribunal.

Read More here.

–WKW

William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – W.K. Suave

Honestly, I could have sworn that the Rico Suave guy would have a better career than Marky Mark.

News/Politics

Taxes: John Boehner said he may support some type of reform to the Bush Tax cuts, but insists if we just give the rich more and more for another decade, this time the economy will be fine.

Vaccine-Autism: Hannah Poling will receive more than $1.5 million dollars for her life care; lost earnings; and pain and suffering for the case that was settled three years ago.

Entertainment

James Franco: Is not gay. Please update your files.

MTV VMA Awards: Lady Gaga, Kanye West, Justin Beiber, Eminem and several other internet keywords applaud themselves at MTV’s much-less interesting awards show. In other music news, here’s a clip from the show “Cop Rock”

Sports

NFL: Football has begun and all is right with this part of the Western World. The Packers, Steelers, Giants, Patriots and Bears are among the winners. No arrests made.

U.S. is Good at Basketball: Kevin Durant and squad are too good for Turkey and take home the FIBA World Championship.

Blogs

Black Snob: Will Smith’s 9-year-old daughter has a record deal. Do you?

Intoxination: Matt Drudge can sure stir up the hate.

Average Bro: What Happens When A Liberal Black Man Goes To Glenn Beck’s “I Have A Dream, Too” Speech?!?

Zennie 62: Do wealthy Americans discount the 99er movement?

Quote

For a glimpse of how venomous and debased the discourse about Islam has become, consider a blog post in The New Republic this month. Written by Martin Peretz, the magazine’s editor in chief, it asserted: “Frankly, Muslim life is cheap, most notably to Muslims.”

Mr. Peretz added: “I wonder whether I need honor these people and pretend that they are worthy of the privileges of the First Amendment, which I have in my gut the sense that they will abuse.”

–Nicholas D. Kristoff

–WKW

There is a freaking Pug in a toilet over there

Yeah, it’s been up there a while, but still … It is a Pug in a toilet …

I may leave it up forever (thus, no longer adding to the page to go to See all William K. Wolfrum Chronicles’ videos & photos of the day.)

There will be more posts soon. Because if there is one thing people should know about me, it’s that when I say “tomorrow,” I really have no sense of what that word even means anymore.

–WKW

More to come …

Sorry for the brief delay in posts around these parts, just taking care of a few things in real life. I’m hoping to have a talk later with Real Life and request it stay out of my affairs, so that I may continue only to live in the lovely fantasy world I’ve created for myself.

I will keep you posted on how that convo goes. Aside from that, regularly scheduled blogging will resume tomorrow. Thanks for your patience.

Until then, please feel free to enjoy some blasphemy.

Bill

Sarah Palin inks deal to sell “Palin’s Pee-Pee Power Pills” on QVC

Always quick to pounce on a big opportunity, political entertainer Sarah Palin today announced she has signed a $5-million deal to hawk sex enhancement products on QVC.

“If you’re tired of being limp and impotent, I’m here to help,” said Palin. “Why, I’ll make millions just from the lamestream media.”

The deal comes after Palin’s recent comments on the Sean Hannity Show:

“Those who are impotent and limp and gutless and they go on their anonymous – sources that are anonymous – and impotent, limp and gutless reporters take anonymous sources and cite them as being factual references,” Palin said in her criticism of the press. “It just slays me because it’s so absolutely clear what the state of yellow journalism is today that they would take these anonymous sources as fact.”

The product Palin will pitch will be known as “Palin’s Pee-Pee Power Pills.” The pills will only be placebos and Palin has admitted she knows nothing about male sexual problems.

“But the box will be really pretty, you betcha,” said Palin.

Daughter Bristol Palin will help out with the promotion during her time on “Dancing with the Stars.” All Bristol Palin’s dresses will have slogans on the back and front. On the front will be the message “Abstinence Only,” while on the back will be the message “Buy My Mommy’s Pee-Pee Pills.”

Todd Palin and Levi Johnston could not be reached for comment.

–WKW

God shoots self in Las Vegas Hotel room

LAS VEGAS – The age old question – could God create a shotgun big enough to blow his own brains out? – has finally been answered. And that answer is, yes. Yes he can.

God was found dead yesterday at the Wynn Las Vegas of a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

“At this point, we see nothing that suggests foul play,” said lead detective Timothy Johnson. “We found a suicide note at the scene.”

This is the second controversial incident to take place at Wynn Las Vegas. Earlier this week, heiress Paris Hilton was arrested for cocaine possession upon leaving the resort.

God, 43, has long been considered the top deity in the world, and has gone by numerous aliases in the past. Johnson said they found numerous passports in the room, including some with the names “God,” “Allah,” and “John Lennon,” amongst others.

The suicide note was acquired by the renegade Web Site WikiLeaks, which immediately published key portions of the hand-written, often meandering document.

“To Whom it may concern,” wrote God, with immaculate penmanship, “despite a divine, infinite existence, I have grown so weary of you morons that I could no longer bear the pain.”

The document went on to say that while God had been able to work through holy wars, beheadings, pedophile priests and Pat Boone, recent events had made things too difficult to handle.

“I have long spoke about false prophets, but I look over, and there’s Glenn Beck preaching about me as if he is me. And right next to him is Sarah Palin. She believes in witch doctors and speaking in tongues, for My sake. And Beck? He’s a Mormon! A Mormon! Do you even know what they believe?,” wrote God.

“And the whole thing was about lower taxes and how social justice is evil! It’s official, I failed.”

God stated that it was physicist Stephen Hawking that pushed him over the edge.

“When Hawking said I didn’t exist, I thought, ‘well, sounds about right to me.’”

God added that he’d be trying to reach out to the human race for the past few years, but no one seemed to care.

“I sent you a sent you a massive earthquake in Haiti, and you did not notice. I blew up an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico, you didn’t notice. I drowned Pakistan, you were not to be bothered. There’s turmoil, war and death everywhere, but nothing. Screw you guys, I’m out of here,” wrote God.

“Good luck with Beck and Palin and their ilk, folks,” God finished. “You’re going to need it. XOXOXOXO.”

As for Hilton, her case is still in the preliminary stages. Comedian Jerry Lewis said he was much more perturbed about the actions of those like Hilton than by the death of God.

“I think she need a f**king spanking! She has the intelligence of a box of rocks!” said Lewis.

Nonetheless, Hilton denies all charges and says she will redeem herself.

“This is so not cool,” said Hilton. “But I’ll be ok.”

Las Vegas officials have warned of larger-than-normal crowds this weekend as curious travelers come to view the site where Hilton was arrested and God killed itself. Las Vegas Tourism official Ned Flanders said that the city could handle the crowds.

“Oh, we’ll be fine,”said Flanders. “Try not to miss PeepShow, by the way. It features a bold and powerful woman with all the answers, who guides the timid “Bo”, a modern woman who has yet to find her own power, on a swift journey of awakening and self-discovery.

“It’s really hot,” added Flanders.

–WKW

William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – Searching for a Heartbeat

Giancarlo Esposito’s greatest work.

Wolfrum’s Word

As none of you may noticed yet, I’ve made a few changes to the ol’ site. Kicked the wheels, started using premium gas (screw you, environment) and added a couple new sections thus far, including “Wolfrum-isms” (hey, if it was your blog, you’d slather your name all over it, as well).

I add this mostly as I’ll be taking leave of Twitter. Nothing at all against the social networking site, but man can that place be addictive. Plus, I’m way better at just making statements than I am at actually conversing, as may have been noticed. Still, I enjoyed Twitter immensely, made a great number of online friends, and told more than 15,000 poo jokes in less than 140 characters. So I leave there with a sense of pride and camaraderie.

But now is time to spend more time at the ol’ blog and chain, where you’ll get more of everything, including dancing bears. Mostly, I’m just searching for a heartbeat.

News/Politics

Hurricane Earl: Some damage, but things had slowed down just enough when it hit inland.

[Read more]

Andy Kaufman has returned – as Alvin Greene

When Andy Kaufman died of cancer, many held on to the belief that it was the great prankster’s final stunt, and that one day he would gloriously return, having perpetuated the greatest practical joke in history.

Well, he did it. He’s back. And he’s calling himself Alvin Greene. Here’s Kaufman’s latest performance:

Oh, who am I kidding? Kaufman still has more to offer humanity than Greene. So let’s forget Alvin Greene and just be thankful for this Friendly World.

“In this friendly, friendly world
with each day so full of joy
Why should any heart be lonely?
In this friendly, friendly world
with each night so full of dreams
Why should any heart be afraid?
The world is such a wonderful place to wander through
When you’ve got someone you love to wander along with you
With the skies so full of stars and the river so full of song
Every heart should be so thankful
Thankful for this friendly, friendly world”

–WKW

Arizona’s Jan Brewer & Joe Arpaio get serious with the media

Much has been said about Arizona Governor Jan Brewer’s performance at a debate recently. Here is a quick look at how Brewer quickly went to pieces during her opening statement:

Immediately following Brewer was Superstar AZ Sheriff Joe Arpaio (right), who in supporting Brewer fared slightly better.

Brewer’s campaign team has now said that the “headless Bodies in Arizona” story is now dead in the water. More on this story as it develops …

–WKW

From Nassar Abdo to Muhammad Ali, the song remains the same

US Army Private First Class (PFC) Nasser Abdo is seeking a conscientious objector discharge from the military based on his religious beliefs as a Muslim.

While his case is polemic and has already drawn criticism and death threats, it does bring to mind another conscientious objector whose words still reverberate today, just as they did more than four decades ago:

“Why should they ask me to put on a uniform and go ten thousand miles from home and drop bombs and bullets on brown people in Vietnam while so-called Negro people in Louisville are treated like dogs and denied simple human rights?” — Muhammad Ali.

–WKW

Needed: Non-Exploding Oil Platforms (updated)

I have a great respect for the intellect of my readers, so if one of you could maybe draw up some designs for an oil platform that won’t explode, that’d be just great.

Just E-mail me at wkwolfrum@gmail.com with the subject “Non-Exploding Oil Platform,” and your plans. Remember, if your plan involves an oil rig or platform that DOES explode, it will be disqualified.

I think we can make this happen.

Update: Astute Reader Dgun has used his engineering prowess to show off what he considers will be the perfect non-exploding oil platform:

Initial Examination: On the plus side, if you look to the left, you can see a fish, meaning this new, improved oil platform won’t harm sea life. This is good. But if you look more, you clearly see a specific plan for “Thing That Blows Up.”

Thus, while Dgun’s plan is engineered well, and protects fish, it includes the one flaw we were hoping to avoid. We will however share this plan with British Petroleum, because it seems to fit with their current engineering scheme.

Keep those plans coming!

–WKW

William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – The Danger Zone

Tommy Maddox turns 39 today. He may not have been one of the better quarterbacks in Pittsburgh Steelers history, but he never raped anyone, and that’s a good thing.

Wolfrum’s Word

Say what you will about British Petroleum’s PR effort, but as it stands now, it’s been brilliant. Just get Obama to say all’s clear, swim somewhere vaguely near the Gulf of Mexico and all is forgiven. But all is not forgotten, and won’t be for a long, long time. See more at my latest post at Alan Colmes Presents Liberaland.

News/Politics

Hurricane Earl: North Carolina braces for its imminent arrival.

Discovery Drama: The Left will point to the Right and the Right will point to the Left, but the fact is, hostage-taker James Lee was just a very sick man.

Afghanistan: More dead.

Iraq: Gosh, now that it’s over, there are just so many people to thank. We’ll let the Iraqis get their thank yous in later.

Listen

There’s been a lot of commentary around here about people getting songs stuck in their head. I feel left out, so:

You won’t get that combo of music and video out of your heads for weeks. Take that.

Blogs

Sadly, No!: There will be no signs in the Muslim-Hate Room.

TPMDC: Oh the fun we’ll have when Republicans shut down the government.

His Vorpal Sword: Dear God, Ben Smith sucks.

Open Left: What the Elites are trying to steal from us and why.

–WKW

STFU about “Moneybombs”

I dream that the next candidate that holds a “MoneyBomb” fundraiser gets a staph infection caused purely by hubris.

I’m sorry, I hate to be the PC police here, but “MoneyBomb?” Really? I mean, this is a country in 29 different wars police actions? With about 20 percent of the population un- or under-employed? Yeah, yeah, it works. But so does flat-out prostitution and I haven’t seen anyone jump out with a “ProstitionBomb” donation scheme. Yet.

Listen, the politician you love so much is not a “warrior.” They are just some jagoff that wants elected office, for their own personal reasons. Enough with trying to make a politician begging for money sound like a brave commando.

If you like a candidate, give them money. But maybe afterward you can “VolunteerGrenade” at a homeless shelter or something.

–WKW

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