This weekend in Jesus Christ

January 9, 2012 by  

Things Jesus didn’t do over the weekend:

Help Arizona-born U.S. citizen Amir Mirza Hekmati avoid being sentenced to death for being a spy in Iran.

Help millions of Iraqi refugees.

Keep Syrian protesters from being killed.

Keep Beyonce & Jay-Z from naming their daughter “Blue Ivy.”

Help 10 Pakistani soldiers avoid denogginization.

Help the two people killed in a bus crash in Montana.

Keep gas prices from rising.

Keep a young girl from being cyberbullied until she killed herself, and keep the cyberbullies from mocking her after she died.

Things Jesus did over the weekend:

Help Tim Tebow beat the Pittsburgh Steelers and throw for 316 yards, which is similar to a Bible verse.



8 Responses to “This weekend in Jesus Christ”

  1. dgun on January 9th, 2012 11:47 am

    No “H”?

  2. Michael on January 9th, 2012 1:51 pm

    There’s also a lack of mention of the size of Jesus. I mean, we must never forget that he was, in fact, enormous.

  3. pete58 on January 10th, 2012 2:58 pm

    Well it’s like I always say get off the Lord’s bus if you aint got correct change!!!

  4. Jim Beam on January 10th, 2012 5:04 pm

    Why should I bother to care about Religion or Atheism, unless it would get me laid and/or give me some mf’in money?

  5. Official NFL Thread - Page 2328 - Forums on January 10th, 2012 11:34 pm

    [...] [...]

  6. Mike Wells on January 11th, 2012 7:15 am

    Yeah, I’ve been saying that Jesus needs to get his priorities straight. I mean it’s cool that he’s a football fan and all, and he can even be a Broncos fan, I don’t care.

    What DOES bother me is that he seems to be shirking his duties in order to help a bottom of the barrel QB win games, just so everybody can claim he helped.

    Is Jesus insecure?

  7. dgun on January 12th, 2012 10:25 am

    If the Broncos beat the Patriots this weekend, I expect all of you to be baptized. Full immersion in some nasty, cold river. None of this wimpy sprinkling crap…

  8. William K. Wolfrum on January 13th, 2012 8:59 am

    You can double-up on baptizing? Well, I suppose every little bit helps.

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