Ahmadinejad has breakfast – prepare for war

WASHINGTON – Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad had breakfast today, leading most foreign policy experts to agree that Iran is now more dangerous than ever.

Reports from Iran state that Ahmadinejad dined at 8 a.m. on pita bread, feta cheese and assorted fruits. Sources from within Iran have stated this breakfast is a sure sign that Iran now is fully nuclear capable and prepared to begin a full-scale nuclear war against the United States and Israel.

“Ahmadinejad is insane. Really insane. Just incredibly insane and suicidal,” said foreign policy expert Bill Kristol. “The time to act against him is now.”

While many Republicans have harshly criticized U.S. President Barack Obama’s handling of Iran, even more have heaped scorn upon him for what they consider a cool relationship with Israel.

“Ahmadinejad is a psycho maniac who now has the capability of dropping nukes all over America,” said foreign policy expert David Frum. “If Obama doesn’t attack Iran now, people in Des Moines will disappear in a mushroom cloud.”

Despite the fact that most experts have claimed that Iran is still several years away from building a workable nuclear bomb, foreign policy experts have latched on to Ahmadinejad’s breakfast as proof that the time for reckoning is now.

“First, he eats breakfast, then he kidnaps American and Israeli children and feeds them to pigs,” said foreign policy expert Robert Kagan. “If we don’t launch an all-out first-strike attack on Iran right now, Obama should be arrested for treason.”

While the majority of Americans are now regarded as war-weary and tired of meddling in other nation’s affairs, American foreign policy experts have concluded that once again the opinion of the American people is moot.

“What Americans think makes no difference,” said foreign policy expert Jennifer Rubin. “What does make a difference is that Ahmadinejad is more dangerous than a stable of Hitlers and that he will make the Holocaust look like a fender bender. He’s insane and we must attack now.”

–WKW