Koch Brothers-funded Scientists create camel small enough to fit through eye of a needle
May 4, 2012 by William K. Wolfrum
SWITZERLAND – A group of scientists – working from a huge grant by the Koch Brothers – have created a camel small enough to fit through the eye of a needle, sources say.
The camel – nicknamed Joel Osteen – was created in laboratory conditions in order to circumvent Jesus Christ’s famous biblical comment:
“I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”
The Koch Brothers were ecstatic at the news.
“This is just marvelous,” said David Koch – who has a net worth of $43 billion. “We view the Bible as the word of God. Thus, it’s important for us to find any possible loophole to guarantee we not just get to heaven, but get the best spot in heaven.”
The creation of the tiny camel goes hand-in-hand with a recent project by Koch-funded logicians, who came to the conclusion that since Caesar is dead, he deserves nothing, and if God really wants something, he should ask personally. This circumvents Christ’s comment, “Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s.”
Aside from the tiny camel, scientists – at the Koch Brother’s request – also created a tiny lion for the billionaire brothers to play with and show off at parties.
“Just for shits and giggles,” said Charles Koch – who also has a net worth of $42 billion. “Look at it. It’s just adorable.”
Jesus Christ could not be reached for comment.