Ask your doctor about Wolf Blitzer
June 14, 2012 by William K. Wolfrum
Are you feeling bored? Are your ratings lower than a Jerseylicious repeat? Do you try to please everyone but end up just pissing people off?
Well, maybe it’s time to ask your doctor about Wolf Blitzer.
Taken in mass doses, Wolf Blitzer will leave you feeling refreshed and ready again for the world. Just one extra hour a day of Wolf Blitzer will give you the energy and purpose you’ve always wanted.
Side Effects Include, But Not Limited to: Ignorance, complete submission to authority, hatred of beards, inability to ask follow-up questions, mega-flatulence, confusion, disinterest, parvo, sallyquinnitis, erectile dysfunction, eagerness to watch Jerseylicious reruns, illiteracy and, in severe cases, mumbling fugues.
Ask your doctor if Wolf Blitzer is right for you.
–WKW
He acts and looks more like a sheep than a wolf.
Listen to his cadence? Sound like sheep?
A sheep hanging out with friends on the weekend: “bahahaha”
A sheep being attacked and devoured by a cougar: “bahahaha”
A sheep discussing international relations with a former President: “bahahahaha”
A sheep finds some really good grass to eat: “bahahahahaah”
A sheep questions GOP leaders about economic policy: “bahahahaha”
A sheep is saved by Sam the sheepdog (‘morning Sam, morning Ralph’): “bahahahaha”
A sheep as a contestant on Jeopardy: “bahahahahaha”
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And the last one was funnier than the SNL spoof: celebrity jeopardy.