Know your hyperbole
August 2, 2012 by William K. Wolfrum
When Republican Rep. Mike Kelly stood in front of the world and stated that the birth-control mandate was comparable to Sept.11 and the Pearl Harbor attacks, it got people’s attention. This was a true game-changing statement in many ways. Mostly, it changed how we Americans should now compare things.
Luckily for all of you, I am here with a handy chart of what comparisons can now be used for various issues. Here are some of the hot-button issues of today and what they can now be compared to:
Saving the Post Office: Two American Civil Wars and raining of frogs.
Social Security: Four Great Depressions, a heart attack and the Rwanda Genocide.
Medicaid and Medicare: The Albanian Genocide, the film “Ishtar,” and a knuckle sandwich.
Defense Cuts: The Jamestown tragedy, three World War IIs and a back waxing.
Universal Health Care: The 100-Years War (twice), the extinction of the dinosaurs and a nasty cold sore.
Abortion: The Black Death, 127 Holocausts, a punch in the ear and an untreated toothache.
Tax Hikes: 727 Holocausts, the War of 1812 and a leg cramp.
Gay Marriage: Six Apocalypses, a kick to the groin, micro-penisism and falling down stairs.
Use these wisely, my friends. Reckless and offensive hyperbole should always be the last resort. But once you go there, go all the way, as our Republican friends have shown us.
–WKW
That’s a great system of measurement. I love it.
A non-American will be by shortly to rearrange it all in sets of 10. Which of course, we will all ignore.
Your comment is like fascism and bad fried chicken.
I have to mildly disagree. I found “Ishtar” to be a relatively enjoyable movie, but only when compared to “The Human Centipede 2.”
Human Centipede 2 is like too many pancakes and the Spanish Inquisition.
I just thought it was boring and poorly conceived.
An Obama 2nd term: 3 reprint editions of Uncle Tom’s Cabin, 2 tee times interfering w/ Fox Business stock reports, and the mansion’s illegal immigrant yard worker impaled on a pear tree.
^ lol.
[...] Today is the 11th anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks on the United States. It is a day for remembrance of those who lost their lives and loved ones. And it’s a day to remember those who have used 9/11 as a political football: “I know in your mind, you can think of the times America was attacked. One is Dec. 7, that’s Pearl Harbor Day. The other is Sept. 11, and that’s the day the terrorists attacked. I want you to remember Aug. 1, 2012, the attack on our religious freedom. That is a day that will live in infamy, along with those other dates.” — Rep. Mike Kelly R-Pa. [...]