House GOP passes bill requesting Al Qaeda attack U.S. in late-October

WASHINGTON – In its last action before recess, GOP representatives passed a bill through the House that would require President Barack Obama to send a personal letter to Al Qaeda leaders, requesting a large terrorist attack on a blue state of the U.S. in late-October. The bill passed across party lines.

“We feel that a large-scale terrorist attack on the U.S. and its citizens is just what America needs right now,” said Speaker of the House John Boehner. “Just one devastating attack would be the end of this President, meaning lower taxes and more jobs would be on the way.”

While the attacks of 9/11 brought the nation together, most experts agree that Republicans would turn on the President immediately if there were another attack on U.S. soil.

“From holding the nation’s economy hostage to politicizing the death of a U.S. Ambassador minutes after he died, the Republican agenda is pretty obvious,” said the anonymous expert. “They are loyal to modern conservative ideals and big business. Oh, and Grover Norquist. They’re quite loyal to him, as well.”

Amendments tacked on to the bill include the death sentence for any woman who has an abortion, a complete repeal of Obamacare and a 100 percent tax cut for those making $10 million or more per year.

“We just want America to go back to the good ol’ days of 9/11, when a Republican was President,” Boehner added. “This bill proves that the GOP is working to make America a better place.”

The bill is likely to stall in the Senate, and White House sources said that President Obama would veto the bill if it made it to his desk.

Asked for comment, Republican Presidential nominee Mitt Romney said he would have likely phrased some of the wording in the bill differently.

–WKW

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