William K. Wolfrum Chronicles

It’s not easy being Stephen Baldwin. Mainly due to the fact that he’s, you know, Stephen Baldwin. But also due to the fact that he can’t even keep a job with Jesus - or the Defense Department. It seems the Defense Department has decided to avoid completely crapping on the Separation of Church and State portion of the Constitution. For now, at least.

‘DOD Stops Plan to Send Christian Video Game to Troops in Iraq’

Plans by a Christian group to send an evangelical video game to U.S. troops in Iraq were abruptly halted yesterday by the Department of Defense after ABC News inquired about the program.

Operation Start Up (OSU) Tour, an evangelical entertainment troupe that actively proselytizes among soldiers, will not be sending the “apocryphal” video game in care packages as planned, according to the department.

“Left Behind: Eternal Forces” was inspired by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins’ best-selling book series about the battle of Armageddon, in which believers of Jesus Christ fight the Antichrist.

The game has inspired controversy among freedom of religion advocates since it was released last year.

“It’s a horrible game,” said the Rev. Timothy Simpson of the Christians Alliance for Progress. “You either kill or covert the other side. This is exactly what the Osama bin Ladens of the world have portrayed us.”

…

OSU Tour is one of the newest members of the Defense Department’s America Supports You program, which connects citizens and corporations with members of the military and their families at home and abroad.

OSU Tour’s entertainment aims to help military children and families become stronger through faith-based entertainment, according to its Web site. Sports personalities, comedians and actors, including Stephen Baldwin, make up the show.

OSU president Jonathan Sprinks in a recent press release said of Baldwin, “Since God made a difference in his life, he’s been very outspoken.”

–WKW

There are consequences in electing a religious extremist President that believes the separation of church and state is merely a suggestion, and a bad one at that. Here are some recent examples of how the trickle-down theory of theocracy has been such a boon for Christianists:

Texas names Creationist as chairman of State Board of Education

The best we can say about Gov. Rick Perry’s decision to appoint Don McLeroy as chairman of the State Board of Education is that the Bryan dentist was not the worst choice — given the list of candidates on the board.

While we’re not enthused about Perry’s selection, McLeroy has an opportunity to demonstrate that he can rise above ideology to represent the broad interests of Texas’ 4.5 million public school students. He should grab that opportunity and make the most of it.

…

In 2001, McLeroy and a majority of the board rejected the only Advanced Placement textbook for high school environmental science because its views on global warming and other events didn’t comport with the beliefs of the board majority. The book wasn’t factual and was anti-American and anti-Christian, the majority claimed. Meanwhile, dozens of colleges and universities were using the textbook, including Baylor University, the nation’s largest Baptist college.

In 2003, McLeroy voted against approving biology textbooks that included a full-scale scientific account of evolutionary theory. The books were approved.

‘Scientists Say Bush Administration Muzzles Them on Stem Cells, Climate, Birth Control’

Malicious, vindictive and mean-spirited. These are words that might surface in divorce court.

But they have been lobbed in the course of a different estrangement: the standoff between the Bush administration and the nation’s scientific community.

The relationship, which has been troubled since the dawn of the Bush presidency, hit a new low last month when Richard Carmona, surgeon general from 2002 to 2006, lashed out at his former colleagues in testimony before a House committee.

Joined by former surgeons general C. Everett Koop and David Satcher, Carmona said public health reports are withheld unless they’re filled with praise for the administration. “It was Surgeon General Koop who pointed out and still says today … ‘Richard, we all have fought these battles, as have our predecessors going back over a century, but we have never seen it as partisan, … as vindictive, as mean-spirited as it is today, and you clearly have it worse than any of us had.’ “

‘The Pentagon Sends Messengers of Apocalypse to Convert Soldiers in Iraq’

Actor Stephen Baldwin, the youngest member of the famous Baldwin brothers, is no longer playing Pauly Shore’s sidekick in comedy masterpieces like Biodome. He has a much more serious calling these days.

Baldwin became a right-wing, born-again Christian after the 9/11 attacks, and now is the star of Operation Straight Up (OSU), an evangelical entertainment troupe that actively proselytizes among active-duty members of the US military. As an official arm of the Defense Department’s America Supports You program, OSU plans to mail copies of the controversial apocalyptic video game, Left Behind: Eternal Forces to soldiers serving in Iraq. OSU is also scheduled to embark on a “Military Crusade in Iraq” in the near future.

“We feel the forces of heaven have encouraged us to perform multiple crusades that will sweep through this war torn region,” OSU declares on its website about its planned trip to Iraq. “We’ll hold the only religious crusade of its size in the dangerous land of Iraq.”

S.C. low-income students denied - but Bob Jones Univ. gets $2.5 million

State lawmakers shot down a request for extra financial help for low-income students who will attend South Carolina’s public colleges and universities next year.

Meanwhile, they approved $2.5 million to help low-income students attend Bob Jones University, a private school in Greenville.

The State Commission on Higher Education had requested $10 million to increase grants for some needy students attending public colleges and universities. Last year, low-income public school students received, on average, $1,158 in grants while their private-school counterparts received $3,100, nearly three times as much.

Conferences Will Equip Faith-Based Groups

The White House is holding conferences to help faith-based and community groups understand the ins and outs of partnering with the government.

The first event is in Minneapolis next week. Gatherings in Washington, D.C., Indianapolis and Los Angeles are coming up.

The conferences will be an introduction on accessing government money to help with ministries, such as food pantries or shelters for unwed mothers.

Jedd Medefind, deputy director of the White House Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives, told Family News in Focus the conferences will equip groups that are addressing pressing needs of their communities.

Just another way an impotent, unwilling-to-fight Congress has let down Americans - by allowing George W. Bush to take such dramatic steps in his attempt to make the “Handmaid’s Tale” a reality.

–WKW

The Catholic Church. No, they didn’t create child molestation, they just made it an art form.

Sexual abuse not just a Catholic problem: Vatican

VATICAN CITY (Reuters) - Sexual abuse of children is not just a Catholic Church problem and other institutions should take steps to acknowledge and deal with such “wickedness” within their own ranks, the Vatican said on Tuesday.

The Vatican’s chief spokesman, Father Federico Lombardi, also said the record $660 million settlement between the Archdiocese of Los Angeles and victims of sexual abuse was an attempt to “close a painful chapter and look forward.”

“The Church is above all clearly pained by the suffering of the victims and their families, by the deep wounds caused by the grave and inexcusable behavior of some of its members,” Lombardi said.

“It has decided to commit itself in every way to avoid a repetition of such wickedness,” he said, adding that the Church now had a “a policy of prevention and creation of an ever more secure atmosphere for children and young people in all aspects of (its) pastoral programs.”

Lombardi reaffirmed a position taken by other Catholic Church leaders in the past — that other organized religions and institutions should also deal with paedophilia as publicly as the Catholic Church has been forced to by various scandals.

“The problem of the abuse of childhood and its adequate protection certainly does not regard only the (Catholic) Church, but also many other institutions and it is right that these take the necessary decisions as well,” he said.

Lombardi said the Church was aware of its educational responsibilities to youth and intended to be “a protagonist in the struggle against paedophilia,” which he said was on the rise worldwide.

So if you’ve been molested by a Catholic priest, remember, other kids have been molested by people that aren’t Catholic priests.

Now get back to tithing.

–WKW

Crossposted at Shakesville

When a manic Tom Cruise told Matt Lauer “You don’t know the history of psychiatry. I do,” on the Today Show, it was easy to ridicule and ignore the Mission Impossible star. Years of being hemmed in by his own mammoth fame, and his deep involvement with Scientology had given him his own sense of reality.

Looking back, however, the obvious conclusion is that Cruise is but another overprotected simpleton sucked into a corrupt cult. A corrupt cult that has no qualms about sending people off on murderous rages.

Accused family killer was ‘denied treatment by Scientologist parents’

A woman accused of killing her father and sister and injuring her mother was denied psychiatric treatment by her parents who were Scientologists, a court heard yesterday.

They declined the treatment after the 25-year-old woman, who cannot be named, was diagnosed with a psychotic illness last year and instead gave her medication they got from America.

Dr Mark Cross, consultant psychiatrist and clinical director of the Liverpool and Fairfield Mental Health Services, said it was not “psychiatric in nature”.

The woman, who is accused of murdering her 53-year-old father and 15-year-old sister in Revesby, south-west Sydney last Thursday, and stabbing her 52-year-old mother, appeared briefly before a magistrate yesterday. She is said to be too ill to be properly interviewed.

Dr Cross said the woman was diagnosed with a severe psychiatric illness in 2006 but follow-up treatment was “declined by her parents because of their alleged Scientology beliefs”, he said. The woman did, however, see a psychiatrist, who prescribed anti-depressants and anti-psychotic drugs. In January, after moving back home with her parents following the end of a relationship, she grew depressed.

“She stated that her parents did not want her to take the prescribed medication she had been on in 2006, and apparently started her on medication they got from America - which was not psychiatric in nature,” Dr Cross said.

It is one thing that, based on freedom of religion, the world allows this elaborate pyramid scheme of the soul to exist. But when this money-making plot with its archaic, nonsensical, pseudoscientific belief system becomes a conduit for murder, then perhaps it’s time the world woke up to the fact that just because an organization believes it should be treated as a religion, doesn’t mean it is. And while you can say the same for nearly every religion, the evidence of Scientology being an outright fraudulent scam from its moment of conception is readily available.

L. Ron Hubbard invented a scam to fleece idiots out of their money. And Hubbard’s beliefs apparently have directly led to two people being violently murdered.

Laugh at the bizarre stories of Thetans and Lord Xenu all you like, but remember - Scientology kills. It has before, and it will again.

–WKW

Crossposted at Shakesville

Welcome to Jesustology, the official religion of the United States of America since 2008! Created by The Prophet and President George W. Bush, Jesustology has taken all that’s good from the other Christian religions to create a perfect orgy of Jesus loving!

We Jesustologists believe in peace, love, understanding and the American way. We know that Jesustology will be the perfect religion for you, because it preaches the word of Jesus Christ our Savior. And it’s mandatory.

Still, despite the fact that you can no longer be an American without being a Jesustologist, we thought we’d tell you more about this religion that combines all the best of the inferior and corrupt Christian religions. We think you’ll be thrilled that the government has chosen to save the soul of every last one of you!

So come with us, and with Jesus, as we tell you more about Jesustology!

Jesustology Beliefs

Jesustologists believe that Jesus Christ was sent to earth by God Himself to cleanse the Righteous, while damning the dirty beasts and the mud people to the depths of Hell, where it’s been scientifically proven they belong.

Jesus is part of the “Godhead” that all Jesustologists believe in. The Godhead is:

• God
• Jesus
• The United States
• The Holy Spirit

Together, these four entities combine together - along with Coca-Cola, the official carbonated beverage of Jesustology - to create an unstoppable force of spiritual awareness and bliss!

The Jesus in Jesustology

Man was still suffering the hellish (literally!) effects of Original Sin when God sent his only son, Jesus, to Earth to cleanse us. Jesus was born to the Virgin Mary and her husband Joseph in what is now known as Akron, Ohio.

The Lord knew that it was only a matter of time before Jesus would be brutally murdered by the mud people, who were everywhere those days and still are. But Jesus died for our sins and was resurrected in the area that’s now known as Plano, Texas. The Resurrection of Jesus freed the white man of the mud people, and America thrived.

These days, once again America is full of unrepentant non-white people. These are people who spend their days surrounded by pornography. Most are pedophiles only looking to quench their demonic sexual appetites by having sex with your children. The rest are terrorists.

When Jesus makes his triumphant return, the mud people will be sent back to hell forever to wallow in blood and vomit, while Jesustologists once again rule the Heavens and Earth!

Benefits of Jesustology as the State Religion

It’s been well documented that the most effective nations have a solid base in religion. And being that Jesustology is the One True Religion, it only makes sense that it be the official religion of the United States of America.

Remember, when the Founding Fathers came to America, they did so to create the perfect Theological State. With Jesustology, we now can truly stand up and and proudly say that the United States is the Greatest Nation on Earth!

The benefits of Jesustology as the State Religion are endless, but here is how it affects some key issues:

America is Jesustology

For so long, Atheists, liberals, scientists and others did everything they could to kill Jesus Christ. But when the Prophet ascended to permanent power following the failed car bombings in Washington in Nov. 2008, all that changed. Faith-based Initiatives weren’t enough. The Constitution was, in itself, a suicide pact with the devil.

The Prophet saw what had happened to the United States and mightily struck down those that would defile this great nation. When the Lord led The Prophet to the Ancient, hidden, Jesustology scrolls in Crawford, Texas, all believers knew this was the first step toward the eventual triumphant return of Jesus. But when the Lord, with the guiding hand of Microsoft software, helped the Prophet translate those scrolls, a new world was born, and Jesustology became its religion.

America is Jesustology, and Jesustology is America. It is all that is good, as we know from the first, and only Commandment of the New U.S. Constitution - “America is Jesustology, The Prophet is Jesustology, Jesus Speaks through the Prophet, The Prophet is America. No More Questions while there’s an ongoing investigation.”

Welcome to Jesustology. And remember, God Bless America and Praise Jesus. Or get out.

–WKW

Crossposted at Shakesville

If there is one thing that the Germans have learned over the years, it’s that pseudoscience and aggressively nonsensical cults can be dangerous.

So Tom Cruise needs to go elsewhere to make a movie about Hitler.

Scientology cited for barring Cruise production

BERLIN, Germany (Reuters) — Germany has barred the makers of a movie about a plot to kill Adolf Hitler from filming at German military sites because its star Tom Cruise is a Scientologist, the Defense Ministry said on Monday.

Cruise, also one of the film’s producers, is a member of the Church of Scientology which the German government does not recognize as a church. Berlin says it masquerades as a religion to make money, a charge Scientology leaders reject.

The decision drew a sharp response from Cruise’s film producing partner, Paula Wagner, chief executive of United Artists Entertainment, who said Cruise’s “personal beliefs have absolutely no bearing on the movie’s plot, themes or content.”

Bravo to Germany. Just because a bunch of celebrities have been taken in by L. Ron Hubbard’s silly sci-fi ponzi scheme doesn’t mean governments need to just accept that it’s a religion.

–WKW

Already a founding member of the current cult of “kill the scary brown people,” Tony Blair will now toss of the shackles of the silly Anglican religion to go into the corporate world of Catholic nonsense:

Blair will become a Catholic

Tony Blair is “certain” to become a Roman Catholic shortly after he steps down from office next week, friends of the Prime Minister have told The Independent. They believe it will happen “sooner rather than later”.

Mr Blair is likely to discuss his conversion with Pope Benedict XVI, with whom he will hold talks in Rome tomorrow after attending his last summit of European Union leaders in Brussels.

Aides say that in the private one-to-one meeting, he will also discuss his plans to set up a Blair Inter-Faith Foundation aimed at fostering closer links between people from different religions.

There have been persistent rumours that the Prime Minister would convert to Catholicism but Downing Street has always insisted that he remains a member of the Church of England.

Now friends say Mr Blair will formalise his already close affiliation to the Catholic Church. They say his “spiritual guide” in making the decision has been his wife, Cherie. They have brought up their four children as Catholics.

Before he became Prime Minister, Mr Blair regularly took communion with his wife and children at a Catholic church in Islington, north London. He ceased doing so in public after an intervention by the late Cardinal Hume, when he was leader of the Catholic Church in England and Wales.

It is believed that Mr Blair decided to remain an Anglican while he was Prime Minister because of the possible legal and political difficulties of converting while in office.

Even as a lapsed Catholic, I’m pretty sure that they have rules that apply to those willing to lie about war and killing thousands upon thousands of innocents, even if “legally” and “politically” it’s cool.

–WKW

Since evangelicals cannot reproduce, the only way for them to ‘breed’ is to recruit. And who are their targets for recruitment? Children.

“We believe that you have to emphasize people younger than you in order for your church to grow in a healthy way. Kids are everything. They love the evangelical message - God loves them, the Bible’s the word of God, they are gifts from God. So while the public schools are telling them they’re animals and the product of natural selection, we tell them that God loves you. God’s created you, you have a purpose in life. I mean, the kids are just loving it.”

– Former homosexual preacher Ted Haggard, from the film “Jesus Camp”

–WKW

If I said I truly believed that Zeus would take care of all my needs once I died and slay all my enemies, you’d think I was a nutjob.

But blather on and on about a hippie named Jesus and his plagiarized history, and for some odd reason, you’re not considered a mental case.

So, surrounded by a sea of mental cases that go around chasing faeries, we send kudos to Rep. Pete Stark (D-Calif.). Stark, a member of Congress since 1973, is the first open nontheist in the history of the Congress, according to Secular.org.

In a world where the President of the strongest nation believes that invisible deities guide his hand and gladly accept him slaughtering hundreds of thousands, it’s refreshing to know that at least one Congressman believes in reality.

Because let’s face it, there are plenty of others in Washington that don’t believe, but are forced to because there’s a lot of faerie worshipers out there voting. So at very least, it’s nice knowing that at least one of the people in the U.S. government isn’t spending his off time praising imaginary things and basing his opinions on nonsense.

–WKW

Much like how for many the concept of “Supporting the troops” means endlessly saying “I support the troops,” while doing nothing about it, the religious in the U.S. generally show their love of God by not knowing a damn thing about religion. Any religion, actually.

Americans get an ‘F’ in religion

Sometimes dumb sounds cute: Sixty percent of Americans can’t name five of the Ten Commandments, and 50% of high school seniors think Sodom and Gomorrah were married.

Stephen Prothero, chairman of the religion department at Boston University, isn’t laughing. Americans’ deep ignorance of world religions — their own, their neighbors’ or the combatants in Iraq, Darfur or Kashmir — is dangerous, he says.

His new book, Religious Literacy: What Every American Needs to Know — and Doesn’t, argues that everyone needs to grasp Bible basics, as well as the core beliefs, stories, symbols and heroes of other faiths.

Belief is not his business, says Prothero, who grew up Episcopalian and now says he’s a spiritually “confused Christian.” He says his argument is for empowered citizenship.

“More and more of our national and international questions are religiously inflected,” he says, citing President Bush’s speeches laden with biblical references and the furor when the first Muslim member of Congress chose to be sworn in with his right hand on Thomas Jefferson’s Quran.

But hey, most of them have likely at very least skimmed through Revelations, so it’s cool.

–WKW

Editor’s Note: Having recently noticed that Bill Donohue, the head of the Catholic League, was spending a great deal of time and energy fighting off imaginary Hollywood sodomites, we here at Williamkwolfrum.com decided to send out a more focused message to get Donohue back on track.

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Catholics would rather declare bankruptcy than make amends to children that Catholic priests raped.

–WKW

Having recently begun a vast new project at WorldGolf.com - Golfer Supremacy-ipidia - I came to an important realization - this idea isn’t quite trite enough yet.

So that’s why we’re proud to introduce WilliamKWolfrum-ipidia. What we plan is that someday in the not-so-distant future, we’ll have posts on every human, animal and thing that helps make this world such a wonderful and happy place.

Today, in honor of the landmark decision “Hustler Magazine vs. Falwell” which occured 19 years ago today, we take a look at the life and work of Jerry Falwell.

WilliamKWolfrum-ipidia Presents: Jerry Falwell

Jerry Deborah Falwell was born on Aug. 11, 1933 in Lynchburgh, Virginia. His parents, Carey and Helen Falwell, were both born and raised in Jamaica, where Carey led a reggae band with Helen a well-known dancer.

Long interested in Gods, faeries and comic books, the young Falwell quickly chose religion as his life’s work. “There’s lots of money in it, you don’t have to lift anything, andface it, people are idiots,” Falwell reportedly told close friend Richard Simmons. “Seriously, look at this watch.”

Known for his conservative style, many have pointed to Falwell as the “voice, heart and soul” of the Republican party.

Falwell spent many of his early years taking advantage of liberal non-profit laws in order to scam followers out of their hard-earned money, it has been rumored.

In 1999, in his magazine National Liberty Journal Falwell accused the “Teletubbies” character “Tinky Winky” of being homosexual.

“I’ve sucked Tinky Winky’s dick, and let me tell you, no straight children’s performer would let that happen. So often,” Falwell is reported as saying.

A long-time terrorist sympathizer, Falwell has gone on record supporting Islamonaziterrorism, stating that the average American deserves to die in a surprise attack.

“I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say ‘you helped this happen,” Falwell actually said.

At 74 years of age, and likely to die soon due to a life of excess, Falwell continues to fight for the rights of terrorists everywhere. In his work to create a theoocratic United States, Falwell often speaks of Osama bin Laden.

“You know, Osam is Ok,” reportedly said Falwell while under the influence of crystal meth. “He’s misunderstood. But hey, he hates gays, women, pagans, and Americans. What’s so wrong with that?”

Falwell has recently come out to say that Christians needn’t be worried about Global warming, and should just spend their time judging others.

Tirelessly working to make the U.S. a communist, terrorist-run society, Falwell has often denied the charges that he lost his virginity to his mother, though associates say he always talks about how she has a “hot rack.”

–WKW

Editor’s Note: Having recently noticed that Bill Donohue, the head of the Catholic League, was spending a great deal of time and energy fighting off imaginary Hollywood sodomites, we here at Williamkwolfrum.com decided to send out a more focused message to get Donohue back on track.

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Not all Catholics are vampires, but all vampires are Catholic.

–WKW

Editor’s Note: Having recently noticed that Bill Donohue, the head of the Catholic League, was spending a great deal of time and energy fighting off imaginary Hollywood sodomites, we here at Williamkwolfrum.com decided to send out a more focused message to get Donohue back on track.

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Pope Benedict XVI once blew a dude at a truck stop outside of Phoenix, Ariz. I shit you not.

“Hooray for dick!”

–WKW

Editor’s Note: Having recently noticed that Bill Donohue, the head of the Catholic League, was spending a great deal of time and energy fighting off imaginary Hollywood sodomites, we here at Williamkwolfrum.com decided to send out a more focused message to get Donohue back on track.

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Catholics eat babies, but only after cooking them like lobsters.

A baby, immediately prior to being
devoured by a Catholic.

–WKW