William K. Wolfrum Chronicles

NEW YORK - In a gruesome display, numerous high-profile U.S. Conservatives awoke this morning with the severed heads of polar bears in their beds. Representatives for David Brooks, Peggy Noonan, Christopher Buckley, David Frum and a host of other conservatives have contacted media outlets around the nation awoke to find the Ursus maritimus craniums next to them.

“Wow, was there a lot of screaming this morning,” said one anonymous source. “And you really got a feel of how horrifying it was as the cameras slowly panned back for a wide shot.”

No police reports have been filed in regard to the multiple incidents, and U.S. conservatives have been quick to point out that it’s obviously just a harmless prank that should never be discussed again under any circumstances.

“Really, why should anyone be upset about this?” said prominent conservative Danielle Crittenden, wearing a ‘Sarah Palin: 2012′ T-shirt. “It’s nothing, nothing at all. Really, nothing. Leave me alone.”

In other news, Vivendi Entertainment has announced the surprise casting of Todd Palin in the lead role of its upcoming release “Ronald Reagan: Snowmobile Dude.”

–WKW

For quite some time, I had been satisfied with the work I did outing Martin Eisenstadt as a hoax and fraud. I had figured I done my part shaming and humiliating him and that anyone who fell for his shenanigans deserved to be shamed and humiliated. Like Dan Riehl, who eagerly swallowed Eisenstadt’s spoof that a Saturday Night Live cast member had hooked up with Joe the Plumber. Of course, Riehl lives in his own little world of shame and humiliation, so it had little effect on him.

Nonetheless, I figured I was done with Eisenstadt. Until he decided to slam me as merely a golf-blogging stalker that may or may not exist in one of his recent videos.

Eisenstadt has picked the wrong man to mess with. I have won not one, but two Alaska Press Club Awards. I have been featured in The Huffington Post. And I have had literally several readers praise my work on the post “Jesus Christ quits Christianity after viewing Republican platform.” Obviously, I am not a man to be trifled with.

But Eisenstadt has trifled with me. Thus, I am left with no choice but to call together my elite cadre of lawyers and sue Martin Eisenstadt until I have everything he owns. Which I assume is a lap top and a video camera. I’m going to sue him until he is forced to live in the wilderness with squirrels, all of whom will take time out of their days to spit on him. I’m going to sue him until even Joe the Plumber pities him.

You have brought this upon yourself, Eisenstadt, or whatever your name is. You have started this war. And I will end it with a a shock-and-awe style attack of lawyers the likes of which will leave you traumatized every time you see an expensive tie. Like you, this won’t be pretty. But you have brought this upon yourself.

Find the rest of Abrad2345’s Eisenstadt’s videos here and decide for yourself whether he’s a harmless, no-talent hack, or a dangerous, no-talent hack that needs to be sued into oblivion.

–WKW

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: It’s the Presidency of the United States - “normal folk” need not apply. Now enjoy a couple Canadian radio show hosts fool Sarah Palin and her staff into thinking Palin was talking to French President Sarkozy:

Remember, Palin could conceivably be the President of the United States in a matter of months. And you just know that Dick Cheney will be giving her prank calls pretending to be the President of Israel and that the U.S. needs to nuke Russia, Iran, Syria and France immediately.

HT AmericaBlog

–WKW

Steven Colbert’s brilliantly crafted image as an elite conservative pundit came collapsing down upon him during Thursday’s “The Colbert Report.”

During a political prognostication segment entitled the “Da Colbert Code” Colbert officially let the cat out of the bag in regard to the true pronunciation of his name. According to Wikipedia, it is pronounced thusly: koʊɫˈbεɹ. Thus, the name of his show is pronounced “The Koʊɫˈbεɹ Repεɹ.”

At the 10-minute mark of the show, however, koʊɫˈbεɹ let the cat out of the bag. While chastizing himself for being unable to find a secret code that would predict John McCain as the winner of the 2008 election over Barack Obama, koʊɫˈbεɹ had this to say - “C’mon Col-Bert.” See for yourself (at 2:42):

That’s right, Col-bert. Not Koʊɫˈbεɹ. Plain old “Col-bert.” Like former baseball slugger Nate Col-bert.

Nate Colbert

Steven Colbert

It’s over, Col-bert. The jig is officially up. You sir, are a fraud. You are the Milli Vanilli of political commentary. Or, should I say, the Milli Col-bert.

So it’s time to give back the Emmy, pack your bags and go. You have made all of us believe a falsehood - while we all felt intelligent and unique watching The Koʊɫˈbεɹ Repεɹ” it was nothing but a lie. Instead, we were just watching the plain ol’ “Col-Bert Re-Port.”

The truth has come out. Steven Col-Bert is a hoax. But let me say this - finding this out and telling people the truth truly gives me no comfεɹ.

–WKW

While the world battles myriad troubles, somewhere in Bulgaria there is Ken Lee worship.

–WKW

(Note: With David Plotz, Jonah Goldberg, Kathryn Jean Lopez and other elite conservative intellectuals looking back with fascination and hope at the film Red Dawn, I figured reposting this would be nice for anyone who missed it the first time around. Plus, as you can imagine, it took a bit of time to do this. So I think it deserves a rerelease.

Less than a quarter-century ago, Americans of all persuasions would nervously gaze to the sky wondering if the end of the world was about to rain down on them. Nuclear holocaust always seemed moments away.

Of course, the Cold War ended and 9/11 happened, meaning Americans now were forced to gaze everywhere to try to catch a terrorist bent on destroying them.

But now the prodigal enemy has returned as Russia begins to flex its impressive geo-political muscles. But as the U.S. attempts a “Freeze or we’ll say Freeze again” diplomatic tactic, the general public - perhaps overloaded by the complexities of living in a post-9/11 world - seem unconcerned at the possibility of a new Cold War and the possibility of nuclear destruction.

As mere words and facts seem to make no dent in the psyche of the impervious, there is but one way to snap everyone back to a reality where nuclear devastation is always moments away - We must look back to 1984 and the film “Red Dawn*”

(more…)

Do you like Reality TV? Do you think that the main problem with reality shows is that there’s just not enough cartoon-like violence? Well have I got something for you: Reality Rumble.

Let me give you the short answer for what Reality Rumble is: Realty TV stars and pro wrestlers coming together to beat the holy hell out of each other. For charitable causes.

It just doesn’t get any better than that.

On Sunday, Oct. 5 at the Spotswood High School Gym in Penn Laird, Virginia, Reality Rumble II will take place, and fans will see the continuing evolution of entertainment and wrestling. Such reality superstars as Survivor’s Rupert Boneham, Cao Boi and Flicka will battle with and alongside such notable wrestling stars as Doink the Clown.

Started by Chris Dodson, a football and basketball coach at Spotswood High School, and professional wrestler Tim Lawler, Reality Rumble is a nonprofit fundraising organization and Sunday will be just the second running, but it is quickly looking like an event that could become a cottage industry, as several other cities in the U.S. are looking at hosting their own Reality Rumble.

Dodson, who spends his days teaching disabled children, said the idea of Reality Rumble seemed like a perfect way to combine all the things he loves.

“I was a reality TV fan and a pro wrestling fan, said Dodson. “The reality stars are so reachable and have huge hearts. My kids don’t get to go to big shows like this and we are able to provide a disability friendly atmosphere that allowed our families to have a great time.”

Dodson, who gets in on the wrestling action himself, said that he previously knew Lawler and that the wrestling legend quickly came aboard the Reality Rumble concept.

“Tim and I actually wrestled against each other a few times and when I came up with the idea he jumped on board with foot feet and has never slowed down,” said Dodson. “I have a lot of reality contacts and have been to the Survivor Finale several times. Every one seems to just like the idea and they love how Tim gets everyone’s names out there for all to see.”

Perhaps not shockingly, Dodson and Lawler found it fairly easy to attract both wrestlers and reality stars for the premier event, as Survivor’s Johnny Fairplay and Billy Garcia were headliners. For Dodson, Reality Rumble has been a perfect way to combine his true loves - sports, reality TV, and helping children with disabilities. All proceeds from the event go to local special-needs children. Because while Dodson never thought he’d have a career working with special-needs children, he has found it to be the perfect fit.

“It was a stroke of luck I was asked to help in a class for a little one year. I fell in love with it and never left,” said Dodson. “We teach Social Skills, Daily Living Skills, Academic Skills, Pre-Vocational Skills, we do Physical Therapy, and Lots of Community Based Experiences. Mostly we try to give our students a better quality of life.”

Many years ago, the comic Stephen Wright said that he wished that the “Battle of the Network Stars” was fought with guns. Reality Rumble may be the current evolution of that dream. Where else will you get to see Rupert and Cao Boi fight Doink the Clown? Make no mistake, Reality Rumble is filling a void in American entertainment. Now can we not just admire reality stars, we can also root them on in an all-out brawl.

With the spirit of a big Wrestling show, replete with models and live music, Reality Rumble is not to be missed if you’re in Virginia this weekend. And if you can’t make it to Reality Rumble II, don’t worry, more are on their way. And take it from Dodson, it’s an event that is to be experienced.

“If you get a chance check one out, it is a blast,” said Dodson.

You got it, Coach. Keep up the good work.

For more information Reality Rumble, visit their Web site here, or contact them.

–WKW