William K. Wolfrum’s Morning: Kissin’ Valentino by a crystal blue Italian stream

Make Monday Manic.

News/Politics

A Time of Cholera: Haiti fighting to slow spread of disease with more than 200 dead thus far.

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William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – Keep Your Hands to Yourselves

No touching!!!

News/Politics

Boy Scouts: Firing of Gay troop leader continues a fine history of discrimination

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William K. Wolfrum’s Morning: Hide Your Face

These guys are truly All About Beards.

News/Politics

We Got Spirit!: Obama to bring 2008 flavor to 2010 campaign? He better hurry.

Chandra Levy: Finally, a trial.

Afghanistan: Death.

Miller Time: The next Senator from Alaska is quite the dick.

Bin Hiding: We found Osama bin Laden! Or not. Whatever.

In Your Facebook: You can use Facebook and have no privacy, or not use it and have more privacy. Your call.

Sports/Entertainment

Divorce: Laura Dern and Ben Harper are getting divorced. And no, I didn’t know they were married, either.

NFL: Ben Roethlisberger does his time for rape and leads Steelers to win. Cowboys lose, Colts win, all scores here.

WKW Wayback Machine

Facebook accidentally sends all your information to Al Qaeda. “Oops,” says CEO. Read More …

Blogs

LisB: Sharron’s latest Angle.

Crooks & Liars: Why should we care what Meghan McCain thinks.

Life in Spenard: Racist? Who, us?

ThePunkGuy: Happy Birthday.

Arthur Silber: This Will End, One Way or Another

It’s Monday

Wake up.

–WKW

William K. Wolfrum’s Morning: Secret Lives

Funny Guy.

News/Politics

We Have Always Been at War with Pakistan: One day, you’ll wake up and the term “War on Pakistan” will just appear in the vernacular.

Death in Iraq:A U.S. Soldier kills U.S. soldiers.

It’s the Economy. Stupid.: Like your economy is any better.

Obama backs Stewart Rally: The President gives Jon Stewart a pat on the head.

Killing Afghans for Fun: Well, it’s not like the roaming squads of random death killed Tony Curtis or anything.

Entertainment

Tony Curtis: Legendary movie star dies at age 85.

Greg Giraldo: The comedian dies at age 44.

Random Thought

I’m already quite sick of Russell Brand.

Blogs

Womanist Musings: Blackface is fashionable again.

Black Magpie Theory: Do as we say but not as we do.

Crooks & Liars: Carl Paladino is living in a violent alternate reality.

Why is Daddy Crying?: I Was Caught Flogging the Dolphin.

Tmccarthy0: The day David Ehrenstein threatened to kick my ass at Salon.com.

Finally Revealed!

The Secret Life of Harvest Mice.

–WKW

William K. Wolfrum’s Morning — Don’t Panic

Dan Savage and husband Terry: Remember, it gets better. Very inspirational words from the loving couple.

News/Politics

GOP Rules: Republicans announce its agenda – includes tax cuts, as well as tax cuts, and perhaps later, tax cuts. Also, plan to pretend last 10 years never really happened.

CIA & Pakistan: U.S.-trained Afghans a special, well-paid ($300 a month) kill squad roaming Pakistan. Things that can go wrong? Nothing. No chance.

Gay Adoption: Florida’s ban on Gay and Lesbian couples adopting children is ruled unconstitutional.

Text Censoring: T-Mobile blocks texts about medical marijuana – gets sued.

Forbes Rich List: Give these men a tax cut or else we’re all doomed.

Preaching Hypocrisy: Atlanta Pastor rails against Gays and Lesbians. And then gets accused of coercing young men into sexual relationships. That’s how these things work.

Entertainment

Joaquin Phoenix: Sorry Dave, I was just acting.

Mel Gibson: However it plays out in court, he is forever douchified.

Jennifer Lopez: Promising not to be a Diva on American Idol. Steven Tyler and Randy Jackson, however, can do whatever the hell they want.

Random Truth

When Big Pharma accidentally lets you know the truth.

Blogs

SCOTUSBlog: Prop. 8 and the Supreme Court – don’t go there.

The Note: Hey, look, John McCain is really angry.

Field Negro: The Black Guy did it.

Osbourne Ink: GOP caging voters ahead of the Mid-Terms.

Kate Harding: Will you be in Chicago on Oct. 9? Well, Kate has a class for you.

Juan Cole: Ussama Makdisi writes of the tragedy of Obama’s Middle East policy.

Never Forget

–WKW

William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – Get Gummy

See if you can get this out of your head by Friday.

News/Politics

Afghan Elections: Trust me, the favorites will win.

Iran: Ahmadinejad has delusions of grandeur while a hiker just wants her friends back.

BP Oil Disaster: The oil well is finally closed. So, enough blathering about off-shore drilling, ok? Everything is just fine now.

Cult!: El Salvadoran cult members have made it past the border! WTF is Sheriff Joe doing down there, anyway?

Death

Germany: Death.

Iraq: Death.

Afghanistan: Death.

India: Death.

United States: Death.

Entertainment

Dennis Quaid: Once Dennis Quaid starts squatting, all the cool kids will be doing it.

Lady Gaga: The pop star shows her street cred by fighting to repeal DADT.

Michael Vick: He’s back to quarterbacking. But better yet, many of his former dogs are back to being dogs.

Sports

NFL: Favre throws interceptions, Manning beats Manning, Steelers win ugly and Matt Schaub throws for a million yards.

Boxing: Shane Mosley and Sergio Mora don’t impress anyone.

Blogs

TBogg: When Logic And Proportion Have Fallen Sloppy Dead.

That’s Why: Lisa has been cheating on us.

Broadsides: LinkBait defined.

Best of Both Worlds: That you don’t see anyone clamoring for Shariah Law is just proof that it’s coming.

–WKW

William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – W.K. Suave

Honestly, I could have sworn that the Rico Suave guy would have a better career than Marky Mark.

News/Politics

Taxes: John Boehner said he may support some type of reform to the Bush Tax cuts, but insists if we just give the rich more and more for another decade, this time the economy will be fine.

Vaccine-Autism: Hannah Poling will receive more than $1.5 million dollars for her life care; lost earnings; and pain and suffering for the case that was settled three years ago.

Entertainment

James Franco: Is not gay. Please update your files.

MTV VMA Awards: Lady Gaga, Kanye West, Justin Beiber, Eminem and several other internet keywords applaud themselves at MTV’s much-less interesting awards show. In other music news, here’s a clip from the show “Cop Rock”

Sports

NFL: Football has begun and all is right with this part of the Western World. The Packers, Steelers, Giants, Patriots and Bears are among the winners. No arrests made.

U.S. is Good at Basketball: Kevin Durant and squad are too good for Turkey and take home the FIBA World Championship.

Blogs

Black Snob: Will Smith’s 9-year-old daughter has a record deal. Do you?

Intoxination: Matt Drudge can sure stir up the hate.

Average Bro: What Happens When A Liberal Black Man Goes To Glenn Beck’s “I Have A Dream, Too” Speech?!?

Zennie 62: Do wealthy Americans discount the 99er movement?

Quote

For a glimpse of how venomous and debased the discourse about Islam has become, consider a blog post in The New Republic this month. Written by Martin Peretz, the magazine’s editor in chief, it asserted: “Frankly, Muslim life is cheap, most notably to Muslims.”

Mr. Peretz added: “I wonder whether I need honor these people and pretend that they are worthy of the privileges of the First Amendment, which I have in my gut the sense that they will abuse.”

–Nicholas D. Kristoff

–WKW

God shoots self in Las Vegas Hotel room

LAS VEGAS – The age old question – could God create a shotgun big enough to blow his own brains out? – has finally been answered. And that answer is, yes. Yes he can.

God was found dead yesterday at the Wynn Las Vegas of a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

“At this point, we see nothing that suggests foul play,” said lead detective Timothy Johnson. “We found a suicide note at the scene.”

This is the second controversial incident to take place at Wynn Las Vegas. Earlier this week, heiress Paris Hilton was arrested for cocaine possession upon leaving the resort.

God, 43, has long been considered the top deity in the world, and has gone by numerous aliases in the past. Johnson said they found numerous passports in the room, including some with the names “God,” “Allah,” and “John Lennon,” amongst others.

The suicide note was acquired by the renegade Web Site WikiLeaks, which immediately published key portions of the hand-written, often meandering document.

“To Whom it may concern,” wrote God, with immaculate penmanship, “despite a divine, infinite existence, I have grown so weary of you morons that I could no longer bear the pain.”

The document went on to say that while God had been able to work through holy wars, beheadings, pedophile priests and Pat Boone, recent events had made things too difficult to handle.

“I have long spoke about false prophets, but I look over, and there’s Glenn Beck preaching about me as if he is me. And right next to him is Sarah Palin. She believes in witch doctors and speaking in tongues, for My sake. And Beck? He’s a Mormon! A Mormon! Do you even know what they believe?,” wrote God.

“And the whole thing was about lower taxes and how social justice is evil! It’s official, I failed.”

God stated that it was physicist Stephen Hawking that pushed him over the edge.

“When Hawking said I didn’t exist, I thought, ‘well, sounds about right to me.’”

God added that he’d be trying to reach out to the human race for the past few years, but no one seemed to care.

“I sent you a sent you a massive earthquake in Haiti, and you did not notice. I blew up an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico, you didn’t notice. I drowned Pakistan, you were not to be bothered. There’s turmoil, war and death everywhere, but nothing. Screw you guys, I’m out of here,” wrote God.

“Good luck with Beck and Palin and their ilk, folks,” God finished. “You’re going to need it. XOXOXOXO.”

As for Hilton, her case is still in the preliminary stages. Comedian Jerry Lewis said he was much more perturbed about the actions of those like Hilton than by the death of God.

“I think she need a f**king spanking! She has the intelligence of a box of rocks!” said Lewis.

Nonetheless, Hilton denies all charges and says she will redeem herself.

“This is so not cool,” said Hilton. “But I’ll be ok.”

Las Vegas officials have warned of larger-than-normal crowds this weekend as curious travelers come to view the site where Hilton was arrested and God killed itself. Las Vegas Tourism official Ned Flanders said that the city could handle the crowds.

“Oh, we’ll be fine,”said Flanders. “Try not to miss PeepShow, by the way. It features a bold and powerful woman with all the answers, who guides the timid “Bo”, a modern woman who has yet to find her own power, on a swift journey of awakening and self-discovery.

“It’s really hot,” added Flanders.

–WKW

William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – Searching for a Heartbeat

Giancarlo Esposito’s greatest work.

Wolfrum’s Word

As none of you may noticed yet, I’ve made a few changes to the ol’ site. Kicked the wheels, started using premium gas (screw you, environment) and added a couple new sections thus far, including “Wolfrum-isms” (hey, if it was your blog, you’d slather your name all over it, as well).

I add this mostly as I’ll be taking leave of Twitter. Nothing at all against the social networking site, but man can that place be addictive. Plus, I’m way better at just making statements than I am at actually conversing, as may have been noticed. Still, I enjoyed Twitter immensely, made a great number of online friends, and told more than 15,000 poo jokes in less than 140 characters. So I leave there with a sense of pride and camaraderie.

But now is time to spend more time at the ol’ blog and chain, where you’ll get more of everything, including dancing bears. Mostly, I’m just searching for a heartbeat.

News/Politics

Hurricane Earl: Some damage, but things had slowed down just enough when it hit inland.

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William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – Dance, Tucker! Dance!

Tucker Carlson’s greatest journalistic achievement.

News/Politics

La Barbie Caught: One of Mexico’s most notorious drug lords has been caught! Also, applications now being accepted for Notorious Mexican Drug Lord. Apply at the FBI.

Hurricane Earl: It’s coming. And it looks pissed.

Scotland Takes the Lead: Now that Scotland has come up with a wind turbine that can supply energy to 1,000 homes, maybe someone else will step up.

Afghanistan Update: Death!

An Independent Iraq: Iraq has announced it is now independent. This means all hell should break loose any minute.

ObamaCare Already Paying Off: Paying off or scammers, at least. It was nice of the media to help everyone get informed on the subject, eh?

Investigating America: Remember when Republicans spent two solid years wasting time and money on investigating every last move Clinton made? And then the U.S. was attacked by al Qaeda and they blame Clinton for being investigated so much? Yeah, we’re going to try that again.

Random Thought

Being as the rest of the U.S. mainstream media refuses to call out Fox News for their false reporting and demagoguery, from here on out, I say we just lump them all in together. Example: Led by Glenn Beck, the Mainstream Media recently held a big rally about Jesus.

Entertainment

Dance, I Say!: The new stars for Dancing with the Stars have been announced. They include: Bristol Palin, Grover from Sesame Street, Mandrake the Magician, Jean Harlow, Erik Estrada, Emo Phillips, Lindsay Lohan and veteran porn star Christy Canyon. Oh, ok, for the real stars click here.

Paris Chews GREAT Gum: Paris Hilton was busted for cocaine possession. Her excuse – she thought it was gum. Cocaine-gum, just another thing that makes the rich better than you.

Palin-Land Defined

In a perfect world, Sarah Palin would be Queen and surrounded by a bunch of gun-toting Jesus Babies.

–WKW

William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – A Pee-Wee Protest

You just aren’t American if you aren’t protesting something.

News/Politics

More Bad Eggs: Remember, if you’re going to make an omelet, you’re going to have to give a few thousand people salmonella.

CIA Interrogation Tapes: If you want to make sure torture tapes are eliminated, make sure you check under the desk.

They’ve Lost Rubio: When Marco Rubio starts backing away from the Tea Party, you know the end is near.

Doled: How messed up is the Republican Party? Standard-bearer Bob Dole is donating to Charlie Crist.

Mosque Madness: A group of white people protest things they don’t understand.

Drug Testing: The easiest way to test side-effects of drugs? Test them on poor kids in impoverished nations!

Sports

See ya, Lou: I still remember Lou Piniella as a dangerous hitter for a tough Yankees team when the Yanks and Dodgers seemed to meet yearly in the World Series. He’s calling it a career now, and the Hall of Fame should be calling on him in five years time.

American Values: Guy chickens out, allowing a foul ball to hit his girlfriend. Guy then threatens to release nude pictures of her. Girl beats him to the punch.

Blogs

The Pigeon Post: The Lowest Common Denominator.

Doctor Cleveland: Dear Right Wing: Is This War or Not?

Brad Blog: America’s voting machines – now with Pac-Man!

Down With Tyranny: One city’s brave stand against paying taxes – even though it could close the only hospital and turn the place into a ghost town.

Finally

Pee-Wee goes to Sturgis.

If you find yourself needing more Pee-Wee Herman, check him out on Twitter.

–WKW

William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – Mosque Madness

Nothing quite showcases the hallowed ground near Ground Zero better than Thunder Lingerie.

Wolfrum’s Word

There are still 11 weeks to go until the November elections, but Silly Season is seriously underway. Over the past few weeks, some of the biggest political stories have been – Shirley Sherrod, changing the 14th Amendment and ignoring the First Amendment outright. The simple fact is that the GOP Republican Shadow Government will spam the political discourse to get the onus off their actual record. It’s what they do. But with unemployment off the charts and none of their economic plans amounting to much (why didn’t those Bush Tax Cuts protect the economy, anyway?) it would be pleasant to see U.S. voters see through the charade this time.

News/Politics

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William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – August 4, 2010

If Bill Cosby would just remember that he made “Leonard Part 6,” maybe he’d rethink his stance on living.

News/Dinosaurs

Iran: Many an Iranian will look back to this day as the day someone almost killed Ahmadinehad.

Oil Spill: Static Kill appears to be working, says BP. No one sure any longer what any of this means. We’ll have to wait for Operation Slapping Translator. Until then, just assume everything is just fine.

Triceratops: No, there was no Triceratops. Deal with it.

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William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – August 3, 2010

Despite early failures such as the one above, Jake Tapper has still managed to achieve lofty status in the D.C. media world.

News

BP Oil Disaster Wins!: I knew if we all worked separately, clinging to diverse agendas, we could make this happen. By the way, why didn’t Time convert the 4.9 million barrels into gallons? Who has a calculator?

Violence in Pakistan: We might be leaving a federal deficit for our children, but we’re also leaving them a war in Pakistan. More instability in a country that is both friend and foe.

People

Kanye West: The King of Turning Nothing into Something follows one dude on Twitter. Dude could live without it.

Mel Gibson: The one true sign that it’s over for Mel – Leonardo DiCaprio just dumped him.

Today’s Red Dawn Fetishist

Crazy bastard Paul Craig Roberts takes a look at a dark future. Six years from now:

“The first clans organized around local police forces. The conservatives’ war on crime during the late 20th century and the Bush/Obama war on terror during the first decade of the 21st century had resulted in the police becoming militarized and unaccountable.

As society broke down, the police became warlords. The state police broke apart, and the officers were subsumed into the local forces of their communities. The newly formed tribes expanded to encompass the relatives and friends of the police.

The dollar had collapsed as world reserve currency in 2012 when the worsening economic depression made it clear to Washington’s creditors that the federal budget deficit was too large to be financed except by the printing of money.”

Infowars is so insane, it is almost awesome.

Blogs

Crooks & Liars: The Iraq Troop withdrawal is “on schedule,” says Obama.

Paul Krugman: The economist sees a “new definition of prosperity” coming to the U.S.

Newshounds: If the media stopped reporting the dumb things she says and does, more people would like Sarah Palin.

Gay Rights: Gay couple saves life of homophobe. No word on homophobe’s current opinion of gay marriage.

Bob Cesca’s Awesome Blog! Go!: Don’t be afraid to give George H.W. Bush a bit of credit for Clinton’s budget surplus. Also, Cesca put this video up, and he thinks it’s wicked cool. That’s enough for me:

–WKW

William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – July 30, 2010

Basil Marceaux for Governor. Have a nice day. (Via Mario Piperni)

News/Politics

Redemption: Just because Tony Hayward was at the helm when British Petroleum dumped millions of gallons of oil into the Gulf of Mexico doesn’t mean it’s his fault. You jerks.

Disperse Me: The countdown is on – how long before the media connects the “1.7 million gallons of dispersant” and the “Where is the Oil” stories. Because I’m thinking that oil may have been dispersed.

Talking Iran: Iran is ready to talk again! Everything’s going to be just fine.

Internet Surveillance: Like the Bush Administration, the Obama Administration isn’t fond of warrants.

Snooki’d: Does Obama know who Snooki is our not? Millions of words will be written about this in the next 24 hours. Then quickly forgotten.

Entertainment

Ellen, Out: Ellen Degeneres is just too nice to be an American Idol judge.

Chelsea’s Wedding: The media is scouring New York for information on Chelsea Clinton’s wedding. Maybe Andrew Breitbart will release a video.

Blogs

Alan Colmes Presents Liberaland: My latest at Colmes’ place – Mamma, don’t let your babies grow up in Red States.

Politico: Let’s see how long Politico will leave up a factually wrong post. The commenters are having no luck getting a correction and neither is Glenn Greenwald.

Americablog: Swift Boat donors charged with ‘extensive securities fraud’ by SEC. Who would have thought they’d be unethical?

Mudflats: The new Sarah Palin Book cover is here! The new Sarah Palin Book cover is here!

Basil Times Two

Personally, I prefer Basil Marceaux Jr. as a candidate.

One of These Guys Guzzled Steroids

Remembering when George H.W. Bush didn’t give the office the respect it requires.

–WKW

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