Men Stopping Violence: Getting men to join the struggle to end violence against women

Acts of violence by men against women do not begin with the act of violence itself. But whether it be upbringing or societal factors, there is always one factor that remains the same in every act of male violence against woman – the presence of a man willing to commit said act of violence.

It’s these men that the organization Men Stopping Violence is attempting to reach. Its Mission Statement – “To mobilize men to use their many strengths for creating a society free from violence against women.” Created in 1982, Men Stopping Violence has used a plethora of techniques and programs to get men into the conversation about violence against women, and has had success in changing the dialog.

“We believe that we have played an important role in helping people understand that if we are going to END violence against women, we must engage men in this work,” said Men Stopping Violence Executive Director Shelley Serdahely in an e-mail exchange.

While other organizations have taken a similar concept in dealing with violence against women, it is the methods and strength of MSV that has made it stand out as an organization that is making real strides in the effort to change cultural and community attitudes toward violence against women. MSV programs include:

Because We Have Daughters: “Why would men want to get involved in ending violence against women?” The answer: “because they have daughters.” And Mothers and sisters and friends. This Father-and-daughter class teaches fathers about the risks and realities faced by their daughters.

Tactics and Choices: In conjunction with the DeKalb County Magistrate Court, this twice-monthly class for some men who have been arrested for domestic violence offenses examines men’s use of abusive and intimidating tactics against women, and tactics used to enforce and maintain power and control. The use of videos and other educational materials prompt men to engage in a dialogue that explores their behavioral choices.

Community Restoration Program: The group’s original intent was to offer men who had finished the 24-week program an ongoing connection and support and opportunities to volunteer with MSV. Over the years, the role of CRP has expanded to include more direct community advocacy.

Serdahely said that while the essential mission of the organization remains the same, MSV’s techniques and focus have evolved over the years.

“When MSV began, we conducted classes for men who had been identified as abusive or violent. That was intervention work. Thirty years later, almost all our work is prevention work,” said Serdahely. “We continue to provide the classes, but have incorporated modules in the curriculum that require students to share something they have learned in the class with at least four men in their community.”

The efforts of MSV have transcended borders. CNN Headline News Anchor Richelle Carey – who works with MSV as a VP on its Board of directors and tireless advocate – said she has been thrilled to see the message of MSV go worldwide.

“Moses Okoth, a Kenyan, is working to end violence against women while collaborating with us, said Carey in an e-mail exchange. “He embraces – in fact – embodies our mission and our philosophy that men must play a role in creating safe communities for women and girls. He wants to start MSV classes where he lives and other parts of Africa. We speak with him weekly and are in constant contact with him online.”

Other well-known figures that have worked with MSV include Congressman John Lewis, Lynn Rosenthal, Special Advisor to the President on Violence Against Women, Baroness Scotland, former Attorney General of Great Britain and Dr. Johnnetta Cole.

But while Serdahely – who will soon be leaving her position to devote her time to fundraising efforts for MSV – and MSV have truly made strides in educating men about violence against women, the battle remains difficult. Via television, magazines and all other media outlets, the portrayal of women is often one that gives young men a perverted view of women overall.

Men are taught that one of the rewards of manhood is sex on demand and that a female or child is not someone, but something, to be used or possessed by males,” said Serdahely. “Media and advertising play a key role in teaching that lesson by portraying women and girls as sexual objects.

“We challenge men to check the ways they buy in to that portrayal. That is part of the 24 week classes we continue to lead, all the training we conduct for institutions and communities, the Allies group, and the work we do with interns. It will be included in the syllabus for the class we will be teaching at Emory University this spring,” added Serdahely.

 

Possibilities

What They’re Saying About Men Stopping Violence

“What motivated me to become active were the comments and conversation surrounding Chris Brown’s assault on Rhianna. I was so disturbed by some viewer comments and comments from people I knew who implied she somehow played a role in being beaten. I was especially sad to hear young people describe it as “just fighting.” At that moment I knew I had to do something. I didn’t grow up around domestic violence, but it was clear to me then that it’s not the other person’s problem. It’s everyone’s problem and everyone’s responsibility to end violence against women.”

– HLN News Anchor Richelle Carey

 

“I gained a greater appreciation for the challenges associated with men being involved with the fight against violence against women. I began to value the role of women as leaders in this effort, and I learned a whole lot about patriarchal society and how it informs our views and actions.”

– Ronald McClain, President and CEO of Family Services of Greater New Orleans. Attended the MSV training institute, “Closing the Gap.”

 

My name is Richard C. Brown Sr., Clayton County, Associate Magistrate Court Judge. I had the opportunity to participate in one of your Domestic Violence Classes at the Dekalb County Courthouse on Friday, November 5, 2010. Simply stated, It was excellent!!! I would go so far as to say that it was the most powerful display of human interaction and transformation that I have ever witnessed, within such a limited and short period of time. I have been in the Criminal Justice field for over 35 years and I have seen it all while serving as a City of Atlanta, crime scene clerk, technician, corrections officer, sergeant and lieutenant, internal affairs prosecutor and assistant public defender.

– The above was written about the MSV class, Tactics and Choices

 

If men are going to be part of the process of ending violence against women, it requires knowledge of ourselves and the part we play. As men engaged in this task, we take the important step of asking ourselves tough questions that take a lot of courage to answer candidly. It isn’t always pretty, but when you come through it, it allows you to reach out to other men and help them make lasting positive changes.

– Jeremy Coppels

Get Involved

Founding Executive Director Kathleen Carlin once said that “Hope isn’t about believing we can change things. Hope is about believing what we do matters.” If you are interested in getting involved with Men Stopping Violence or helping them continue their work, you can:

• Donate to support the programs of MSV.
• Request training for your organization or community.
• Take a stand on a current issue.
• Attend a MSV event.
• Share what we do with colleagues and friends.
• Volunteer your time and talents.
• View our brochures, including What You Can Say and Do to Make a Difference.

For more information, contact Men Stopping Violence here.

On Twitter: @MenStopViolence

On Facebook: Men Stopping Violence

 

–WKW

Sharia Never! Dominionism Forever!

Taking away women’s rights is a key part of all religious fundamentalism. Because women didn’t have rights 2,000 years ago, and there will always be a section of society that is looking for an excuse for their own misogyny.

An anti-abortion group has announced that Rick Perry supports Ohio’s controversial “heartbeat bill,” one of the most radical and restrictive abortion measures in the country. The bill — designed to establish a direct challenge to the 22 to 24 week viability standards in Roe v. Wade — outlaws abortions if a fetal heartbeat can be detected, which can be as early as “six to seven weeks into pregnancy” and offers no exception for cases of rape, incest, or mental health of the mother …

… The radical bill is being pushed by the equally radical Faith2Nation’s Jane Porter, a believer in “dominion” theology — “the idea that Christians are called to take complete control over every aspect of human life in order to bring about the return of Christ” — and the former co-chair of Mike Huckabee’s Faith and Family Values Coalition when he first ran for president. The Ohio House passed the heartbeat measure in June, during a bizarre session when Republican lawmakers compared opponents of the law to slave owners and argued that abortions make people more likely to smoke pot. The state Senate is expected to take-up the measure this month.

Allowing the radical fringe to have any power puts everyone at risk. Because regardless what the Religious Right says about Sharia Law or Islamic fundamentalism, what they truly feel is envy. A theocratic state is the goal of radical fundamentalists. And Rick Perry is a radical fundamentalist.

–WKW

David Wu did not resign because of a “Sex Scandal” – he is accused of rape, or attempted rape

Oregon Rep. David Wu resigned from Congress today. Here is why:

Two people with knowledge of the recording and the later conversation with Wu said the alleged incident took place over Thanksgiving weekend. Sources said they were told that the woman went outside and Wu left after her. The sexual encounter followed, they said.

Two sources said the woman believed there was not enough evidence to press charges. There were no witnesses, and it would be her word against a seven-term member of the U.S. Congress.

David Wu resigned because an 18-year-old said he raped or attempted to rape her, but didn’t press charges. This is the norm. In the U.S., 60% of rape victims do not report the crime, with her reasoning being an important reason as to why. She was afraid of going against a powerful man in court. Because she knew how she would be treated.

Nonetheless, the U.S. media is reporting it as a “Sex Scandal,” such as Talking Points Memo: “David Wu Resigns From Congress Over Teen Sex Scandal.”

Calling it a “Sex Scandal,” or “unwanted sexual activity” or an “unwanted sexual encounter” just serves to soften why he resigned. An An “aggressive, unwanted sexual encounter” is rape or attempted rape. By definition. It most certainly not a “sex scandal.”

David Wu is being accused of raping or attempting to rape an 18-year-old girl. That is the fact of the matter. That is the correct word choice.

–WKW

Update: I added “Attempted Rape,” to this post, as it was not made clear in the story if sexual intercourse in fact took place. Wu has been previously accused of attempting to rape an ex-girlfriend. My reading of The Oregonian’s coverage of this, however, strongly suggests that this was rape. — WKW

Planned Parenthood Blog Carnival gives a chance to tell the real stories & the truth about #MyPP

Hosted by the blogs What Tami Said and Shakesville, today is a Planned Parenthood Blog Carnival. The purpose of the Carnival is for women or men that have been helped by Planned Parenthood to share their positive experiences.

Because Planned Parenthood is getting battered in the U.S., especially in Indiana. From What Tami Says:

What is at stake?

 

According to the Planned Parenthood of Indiana website, “all Medicaid patients will need to pay for their own care or access other funding to be seen at Planned Parenthood of Indiana health centers.”

According to the Indianapolis Star, Planned Parenthood of Indiana has been forced to lay off two sexually transmitted disease prevention specialists, and had to close each of its health centers for one day on June 22.

Also from the Star, “A total of 85,000 Hoosiers receive services at Planned Parenthood of Indiana's 28 health centers. If the law is allowed to stand, Planned Parenthood will have to close eight centers that serve low-income patients at two Indianapolis locations, as well as in Bedford, Hammond, Michigan City, New Albany, Terre Haute and Muncie.”

These diminishing services disproportionately impact women and men who can ill afford it–the poor and marginalized. Last year, the organization performed more than 26,000 pap tests, nearly 30,000 breast exams for clients, more than 50 percent of whom were at or below the poverty level.
 

All posts must be in today by 9 p.m. EST. Go to Shakesville for details. If you have a story, be heard. Planned Parenthood is in dire risk, and it has been unfairly demonized far too often. Let's hear the other side.

–WKW

Manny Pacquiao – Floyd Mayweather dream fight means Domestic Violence charges can be ignored

When the stories of Michael Vick’s abuse of dogs came to light, there was understandable outrage from both the public and the media. But the case also seemed to serve as a wake-up call for some sports journalists, who seemed to realize that something was amiss with their own lack of outrage over athletes who commit domestic violence against women.

“Why is it, then, that we barely shrug when we hear of athletes beating up their wives, girlfriends or acquaintances?” wrote John Sleeper of the Everett, Wash., Herald.

Which brings us to last night’s fight between popular champion Manny Pacquiao and Shane Mosley. Following Pacquiao’s lopsided victory, sportswriters and others were quick to clamor for the brilliant Filipino to fight the undefeated Floyd Mayweather, Jr.

Sportswriter Skip Bayless tweeted about the possibility of such a match. USA Today and other newspapers and magazines discussed the fight. No one, however asked the important question: Why on earth would Mayweather deserve the fight, and why are the Domestic Violence charges (which could net him up to three decades in prison) being ignored?

Perhaps no one showcased the lack of interest in the domestic violence charges better than CNN’s Roland Martin, who tweeted:

“Maybe if @FloydMayweather is focused on Manny, he won’t keep getting in trouble with the law. If he refuses to fight Manny, his rep is hurt.”

You see, maybe a fight that would bank him nearly $50 million will get Mayweather to stop beating on women. And it would keep Martin’s opinion of his reputation high.

The fact of the matter is that Mayweather is innocent until proven guilty (which didn’t seem to bother anyone in Vick’s case). In June, he will face the judge and jury for three charges of felony domestic violence, as well as charges for grand larceny and robbery. He is also facing new charge in a different case. But none of that seems to matter. After all, a great fight hangs in the balance.

More than anything, the interest in the Pacquiao-Mayweather fight shows one thing crystal clear – most sportswriters and many sports fans still don’t care about violence against women.

Update: Mayweather has received a slap on the wrist after pleading guilty to domestic abuse. Now everyone is debating whether he will fight Pacquiao before  he has to spend 90 days in jail in June.

–WKW

South Dakota gets longest male masturbation waiting period

PIERRE, S.D. — South Dakota governor Dennis Daugaard signed a bill into law on Tuesday that requires a man to wait 72 hours after his first doctor’s appointment to be allowed to masturbate, the longest waiting list in the nation.

Male Masturbation rights groups have already said they plan to file a lawsuit challenging the measure, which also requires men to undergo counseling at Catholic Churches that discourage masturbation.

Daugaard, who gave no interviews after signing the bill, said in a written statement that he has conferred with state attorneys who will defend the law in court and a sponsor who has pledged private money to finance the state’s legal costs.

“I think everyone agrees with the goal of reducing masturbation by encouraging consideration of other alternatives,” the Republican governor said the statement. “I hope that men who are considering masturbating will use this three-day period to make good choices.”

Opponents say the law forces men to go to Churches that harass them, rather than providing sound advice. They also say the waiting period and the counseling are an undue burden for men who have a constitutional right to masturbate.

The law, which takes effect July 1, says masturbation can only be scheduled by a doctor who has personally met with a man and determined he is voluntarily seeking to masturbate and is not being coerced into it. The act can’t be done until at least 72 hours after that first consultation.

–WKW

Feminist or not, Liberal Men must fight against the GOP’s War on Women

I am a feminist. I understand that some may argue with that or claim I am a poor example of a feminist – I am far from perfect in this self-assessment. But I do understand the movement, and at very least work to be a feminist ally.

I have no fear of the term “feminist.” It’s demonization has little to no affect on me. There is not one part of me that is lessened by my feminist beliefs. As much as I can proudly state I am a liberal, I can state that I am a feminist.

And now is the time for more Liberal men to stand with feminists.

Right now in the United States, Conservative men are picking apart the rights of women. Conservative women are either actively involved, or staying out of the debate. Across the nation, this war against women’s rights is accelerating. The web magazine Mother Jones has done an excellent job reporting on these attacks, including stories on:

• Arkansas attempts to restrict abortion access;
• A GOP Bill that would force IRS agents to perform “Abortion audits;”
• A South Dakota bill that would essentially legalize the murder of doctors who perform abortions;
• The GOP’s attempts to defund Planned Parenthood.

Mind you, these are but a scant few of the attacks against women that are happening now at both the state and national level. If anything has taught us that a main part of the Republican agenda is to take away the rights of women, it’s their actions since the November elections. An all-out war against women has been declared.

And it’s going to be a rout if liberal men don’t take up these causes with the same fervor as their feminist allies. Women will lose control of their own bodies.

Whether or not men reading this consider themselves feminist is of no interest to me. But the rights of women should be of great interest to us all. It is time for us to join this fight, because without the help of male allies, Conservative men will have their way, and women will no longer have control of their own bodies.

In the end, all I can do is commit myself to be a greater part of this fight and plead that more men join the cause and stand by women in this war against them. I am a feminist. Whether you are matters not. But if you are a man that consider himself a liberal, this is a fight that must be joined.

 

–WKW

 

GOP: New Anti-Abortion Laws Will Create Jobs

WASHINGTON – Having taken criticism for not attempting any job-related legislation after campaigning on the issue, Speaker of the House John Boehner announced today that Republicans around the nation have been creating jobs with anti-abortion legislation.

“Some say we’re attacking women’s rights, I say we’re creating jobs,” said Boehner. “Right now the Coat Hanger Industry and Back-Alley Abortion Industries are booming. That means jobs. For Americans.”

The Coat Hanger Industry – which spends nearly $10 million a year lobbying congress – has announced that business is up 75 percent in the last few months, as entrepreneurs plan ahead for a day when abortions will be made illegal.

“It’s like we can’t keep a hanger in stock these days,” said Jim Thompson, lead lobbyist with Coat Hanger America Industries. “We just started making the ends pointier and demand went through the roof.”

Speaking for the Back-Alley Abortionist Industry, Michael X (not his real name) said he anticipates a deluge of job openings coming due to the anti-women legislation.

“Women will get abortions,” said X, a scary, shadowy figure. “We’ll take care of it. We need more employees, tho. All you need is some experience with a hanger or a big screwdriver and you’re in.”

Boehner said that aside from the jobs created in the two industries, unemployment will lessen as women are slaughtered in back alleys around the U.S. – especially since the GOP plans to destroy Planned Parenthood.

“Not only are the Coat Hanger and Back-Alley Abortionist Industries creating jobs, they are creating new job openings,” said Boehner. “These industries are truly conservative in that they could care less about women.

“Once women start being slaughtered in back alleys, their jobs will be available,” added Boehner, who admitted that none of the anti-Abortion legislation would affect his family, being that he’s rich. “This is what modern conservatism is all about. Murdering women with rusty coat hangers. And Jesus. Don’t forget Jesus.”

–WKW

New law will make it legal to murder politicians that threaten to kill middle-class

SAN FRANCISCO – A recently passed law here would expand the definition of “justifiable homicide” to include killings that are intended to prevent harm to the Middle Class — a move that will make it legal for Americans to murder politicians who put the lives of the majority of Americans at risk.

The law alters the city’s legal definition of justifiable homicide by adding language stating that a homicide is permissible if committed by a person “while resisting an attempt to harm” America’s Middle Class via tax-cuts for the rich, attacks on Unions or attacks on the rights of women.

The law allows anyone to kill any politician who attempts to screw over the U.S. middle class and poor.

A parade of right-wing groups—the Family Heritage Alliance, Concerned Women for America, the South Dakota branch of Phyllis Schlafly’s Eagle Forum, and a political action committee called Family Matters in South Dakota—all testified in favor of the law, after earlier this month making it clear that they considered murder subjective.

“We just want to streamline the law, is all,” said a supporter of the bill. “Americans have the Constitutional right to protect the lives of other Americans. It’s not like we’re advocating murder or anything.”

–WKW

Ines Sainz is far too hot to be sexually harassed

The NFL and its players have a reputation problem. It seems that every 10 minutes or so, an NFL player or former NFL player is being accused of assaulting a woman or worse. As problem’s go, it’s not a good one. But with the incredible popularity of the game, thus far things like rape and domestic abuse have barely made a dent in the game.

New York Jets reporter Ines Sainz has a reputation problem as well. She’s just too damned hot. She’s so hot, in fact, that any type of sexual harassment against her must be her fault. Combine a misogynistic landscape with a sexy woman and what do you expect, anyway?

The Jets and the NFL are currently investigating alleged incidents involving Sainz, particularly during locker room interviews following a game, along with other incidents.

For her part, Sainz, who covers the Jets for TV Azteca, says she has no plans for any type of lawsuit against the Jets or the NFL.

But this story has little to do with the NFL or the Jets. Mostly, it’s about Sainz. What business does she have being attractive, anyway? On the Early Show on CBS she was asked if she thought she dressed appropriately for the NFL.

“Each woman wants to be attractive,” Sainz said. “It’s my style. I never have any trouble like this.”

Coming from a culture where respect for women is even lower than in the U.S., Sainz has been both professional and unapologetic for the incident. At 32, and with a career of covering soccer, she is not one to be intimidated.

But while the Jets and NFL are doing their best to the right thing and Sainz is taking a “What’s the big deal?” approach, one wonders where the all the outrage has been? After all, this is a female reporter covering one of the Nation’s most popular teams in the nation’s most popular league. Shouldn’t someone stand for her?

The usual suspects – popular feminist blogs like Pandagon, Shakesville, Feministing, Feministe and BlogHer have thus far not broached the matter.

Echidne of the Snakes took it on, however, and hit the mark, as per usual:

The hidden implication is that anyone dressing in that manner should expect to be sexually harassed, that it’s only natural. Or as a comment to a newspaper story about another sexual harassment case some time ago stated: “If you advertise, don’t be surprised if people ask to buy.”

This is the traditional theme of women’s clothing speaking about their sexual availability, and it is still very much alive, as shown by the Daily Caller slide show. It is also very much alive among those Muslims who regard Western women as sexually available or slutty because of the way they dress.

Feminists worked hard and long to remove the but-see-what-she-wore excuse for rape. They also worked hard and long to let women themselves determine what they want to wear. The former goal has been partially achieved, the latter not so much, especially on a global level.

The blog Jezebel has also weighed in on the subject, as has Salon’s Broadsheet.

Outside the blogosphere, the national media reaction has been truly atrocious. The “she was asking for it by dressing that way” meme is traveling the networks at light speed. The narrative of the story has been set – Men are helpless to avoid sexually harassing an attractive woman. It’s Sainz’s fault for dressing like such a slut.

The story will probably be gone by week’s end, as the national media has already gotten to question Sainz on why she dresses like a slut. And outside of Deadspin (which linked to the Jezebel post) and Web sites that primarily focus on “Ines Sainz Bikini Pics!” it’s not too likely anyone else will be standing up for Sainz. She’s just too damned hot to defend.

–WKW

Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles

Tom Shales gets his sexism on

Warning Sign: Writing a rambling 63-word-sentence paragraphs may be a sign that your subconscious is telling you that you are a sexist, and that your opinions are invalid.

“In promotional appearances earlier in the week on ABC’s “Good Morning, America,” inevitably enough, and at the start of the new show, Amanpour announced her intention to ‘open a window on the world’ now that she runs ‘This Week,’ but the show was hardly a haven for isolationists, and refashioning it to take advantage of Amanpour’s specialty could, in a word, ruin it.”

– The Washington Post’s Tom Shales, reviewing Christina Amanpour on “This Week.”

–WKW

Make money The Huffington Post way with Sexism, Hyperbole and Woo

Being one of the most influential bloggers on the planet is no easy chore. The endless 18-hour work days can be hard on myself, and my family. Plus, the mainstream media and much of the general public have almost no respect for bloggers. And the pay is horrible.

Now, for the first two issues, there’s little I can do. I am dedicated to the craft, after all. But for the money part, I have learned that there is one thing I can do to make this blog lucrative. And that’s what I’m going to do.

I’m going Huffington Postisize this bitch.

After having read Newsweek’s recent article on The Huffington Post, I saw how Arianna Huffington has turned her vision into a $30-million-a-year site that is now turning a profit. But what I didn’t see in the article were the three main strategies that made The Huffington Post the powerhouse it is today:

Sexism, hyperbole and woo.

And I can do all three of those things. In fact, I can two two of them right this very moment:

[Read more]

When it comes to Al Gore, The Daily Beast’s Lloyd Grove is terrified of sexual assault

Al Gore has been accused of sexual assault. He has not been charged with anything at this stage, and may or may not be in the future. But a Portland woman has accused him of sexual assault, and according to the National Enquirer, it’s possible two other women are making similar accusations. Gore recently met with Portland police in regard to the allegations.

From CBS News:

Portland police questioned former U.S. Vice President Al Gore in San Francisco Thursday regarding renewed allegations that he sexually assaulted massage therapist Molly Hagerty in 2006, according to TV station KATU.

This sentence accurately and clearly states the situation (note: Hagerty has gone public with her name). Others are using the term “sexual abuse” rather than or along with sexual assault.

Now let’s see how many ways Lloyd Grove of The Daily Beast can translate the terms “sexual assault” or “sexual abuse” in a story about how Gore is handling the allegations from a PR stand point:

“behaved inappropriately”

“the problem”

“the unpleasantness”

“inappropriate touching”

“seamy sexual allegations that rival those once leveled at his former boss, Bill Clinton”

“the toxic fallout polluting his once-gleaming image”

“the ugly charges”

“latest public crucible”

“made unwanted sexual advances”

“take liberties during massage”

“the problems of a former vice president”

The entire article is in the same joking manner, except for the part where Groves describes that “Gore allegedly tried to force her hand down his crotch and repeatedly touched her sexually during a three-hour session.”

But that still doesn’t stop Grove from comparing the alleged sexual assault charges against Gore as being the equal to Bill Clinton’s affair with Monica Lewinsky and Eliot Spitzer’s trysts with prostitutes.

Again, Al Gore has been accused of sexual assault. But you wouldn’t know that if you read Grove’s story. He never uses the term. While there is obviously controversy around said allegations, the allegations have been made. And the allegations are – say it with me Lloyd – that Gore committed sexual assault. There’s no reason to do cartwheels trying to avoid using the term.

–WKW

Politics Daily must fire Andrew Cohen (updated – and updated again)

Stalking a woman – on her wedding day – who spurned you is cause for termination in my book. And that’s exactly what Politics Daily legal analyst Andrew Cohen deserves after penning a column titled “On Her Wedding Day, Saying the Things Left Unsaid”

From WashingtonCityPaper.com:

Creepiest wedding gift in human history? You decide:

The present I humbly send her today is this column; this public note, this irrevocable display of affection and support and gratitude; this worldly absolution from any guilt or sadness she felt between the time she said no to me and the time she said yes to him. No one ought to have to carry that with them into a marriage. I showered her with as much love as I could muster when we were together. I still love her and always will. So I am only too happy to offer my toast to her now, one more time, before she takes her vows.

Politics Daily’s Andrew Cohen is obviously in a pretty weird place in his life right now. And he has decided to share it with us all! So let us count the backhanded compliments Cohen delivers, as “the great love of my life marries today and I am not the groom” [Thanks to Date Lab for the tip]:

* Crazy love: “not enough” or too much? And am I to blame for my own unhappiness, or are you? Oh, it’s probably me:

I had my chance, a few years ago, but did not realize until too late how fleeting my moment with her was meant to be. Whether it was my fault or hers, and, let’s face it, it was probably mine, I will wonder always about the life I might have had with the most loving and loveable woman I have ever known. Sometimes, I finally now understand, love, even crazy love, is not enough. Sometimes, as the romance novelists know, timing is everything.

What struck me quite hard is that in the column (which you can see here, until it is rightly pulled off the Internet) is that one word in the entire disturbed essay is highlighted. That word is “poison.”

I took a look at the page source and copy and pasted the HTML here:

I want to thank her, mostly, for rescuing me from hopelessness. When we met, back in the spring of 2005, I was nearly 40 and had been dating off and on for two years following an unexpected divorce. I had lost faith in relationships. I had given up on love. She arrived, unexpectedly, and showed me what was possible. She raised me up from the emotional dead. She drew out of me the poison of divorce and betrayal. Eleven years younger but already more mature than me, she was dazzling, brilliant, funny, and sweet; she both gave and taught me patience and devotion and sacrifice. No woman before or since ever made me feel as desired, needed, beloved, appreciated as she did. No one has yet made me want her more. Some men live their whole lives without this kind of love. At least I had it for one brief, shining moment.

Politics Daily needs to immediately erase this column, and cut all ties to Andrew Cohen. This is beyond creepy. It’s stalking, if not worse.

Update: From comments at Dagblog: “I agree this is a weird, creepy column, but in Cohen’s defense I doubt he had anything to do with “poison” being hyperlinked. That’s almost certainly because of an automated ad-linker bot run by the host (in this case, AOL). He probably had no idea that would be linked until he saw it posted.”

WKW: A cogent comment. Regardless, my opinion that Cohen has crossed a serious line and must be terminated remains.

Update 2: Lizzie Skurnick at Politics Daily has a rebuttal to Cohen, titled “How Not to Congratulate Your Ex on Her Wedding Day” that deserves a read.

Update 3: Cohen just keeps on digging.

–WKW

William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – July 22, 2010

Jersey Shore: And you thought the first season was wacky. (via MTV)

News/Politics

Storming the Gulf: Oil clean-up workers, BP prepare to evacuate with a storm on the horizon.

North Korea: A denouncement of U.S. sanctions by North Korea as U.S. announces joint military exercises aimed at deterring the North from any future attack.

Arizona’s Racial Profiling Law: The U.S. lawsuit against Arizona’s new “Hey, you look Mexican-ish” law gets to court today.

Shirley Sherrod: The former USDA employee who was wrongly fired has been offered a new job by the Administration. She says she’ll think about it.

Government Waste: Obama signs law to limit government waste, but it doesn’t mention Shirley Sherrod so no one cares.

Newsiness

We Need a Naked Ranch: The Naked Cowboy is suing the Naked Cowgirl for reasons based on guitar playing, nakedness.

Amerika: Will we all get a chance to say WTF? again to Franz Kafka?

Snookie!!!!!: Jersey Shore is coming back. Kafka would have loved them.

World War II Update: David Cameron says England was a “junior partner”with the U.S. in the fight against the Nazis. Americans cheer as they can now gloat about winning WWII themselves.

Blogs

Dagblog: Genghis takes a look at why the Oakland Right-Wing Terrorist was focusing on the Tides Foundation (Spoiler Alert: It rhymes with “Blenn Bleck.”

Feministing: A brand new look to go with the same attitude at the popular feminism blog.

Freakout Nation: A Tea Partier calls for the killing of Obama, Pelosi and others. The FBI takes an interest.

Crooks & Liars: RNC fails to report $7M in debt to FEC. Dear God, Michael Steele is awesome.

Mother Jones: Everyone loves Elizabeth Warren. Except the bankers. Which is why it’s doubtful she’ll be in charge of new consumer protection agency.

Dvorak: No one could have anticipated that Rupert Murdoch’s plan to charge for online content would be an abject failure.

Tweet of the Day

“While Obama dithers with Andrew Breitbart & Shirley #Sherrod non-scandal, Al Qaeda just keeps training those Jihad monkeys.”

Coming to Theaters

Top Gun: A Love Story

–WKW

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