Mitt Romney asks Gingrich and Santorum a simple question

March 7, 2012

–WKW

Things we learned this weekend

February 27, 2012

Much like the Fulmar, Rick Santorum uses projectile vomiting as a defense mechanism.

–WKW

Afonso, Ralphie & a tomato of desire

February 22, 2012

My little boys. They grow up so quickly.

–WKW

Watch your mouth

February 9, 2012

–WKW

Fun with Some E-Cards

January 10, 2012

someecards.com - Mitt Romney enjoyed firing this woman.

someecards.com - Hey, you're the one who said we should vote for Ron Paul.

someecards.com - Cat Food is Liberty.

someecards.com - Newt Gingrich's plan to campaign with a puppy has not been a success.

someecards.com - Fact: Mitt Romney has an adorable cherub sitting on his shoulder at all times, whispering loving messages to him.

someecards.com - Maybe it was a mistake to take America back to the days of the Founding Fathers.

Thanks to SomeEcards.

–WKW

When Fascism Comes to America

December 16, 2011

Feel free to add your own.

–WKW

The GOP’s Elite Eight – Now more than ever

December 1, 2011

We cannot allow this to end.

My friends, we are living in a special time and it is up to us to get as much out of it as we possibly can. The current field for the GOP nomination for the Presidency is a group that can only be defined as “special.” And we may start losing them.

Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul, Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann, Jon Huntsman, Rick Santorum and Herman Cain have been the only thing that has kept America from falling into a complete depression – mentally, not economically, mind you. This group of Republicans has helped America in so many ways. And we are nearing a time when some of them may start dropping out. So now it is our turn to help them.

Cain – who led in the polls as recently as a few weeks ago – may be the first to go. Apparently blindsided by the fact that 13-year affairs don’t magically disappear when you begin a political campaign, Cain has spoken of “reassessing” his campaign. This, as we all know, is code for “How can I get out of this.”

Still, Cain is showing the gumption to keep going. The multiple accusations of sexual harassment haven’t slowed Cain, and it’s possible the allegations of a long “friends with benefits” relationship with Ginger White won’t stop him either. Cain has lashed out, releasing child-like maps that are supposed to showcase his foreign policy chops (Brazil? A friend!) and firing away at his critics, claiming that Democrats and liberals are are afraid of him.

And he speaks the truth. We are afraid of Cain. Afraid that he’ll drop out of the race. In fact, we’re afraid of losing any of the GOP contenders. We are in the midst of a once-in-a-lifetime event. The GOP’s Elite Eight is akin to Haley’s Comet flying by during a solar eclipse while the Chicago Cubs win the World Series.

Much like a boy band, each of these candidates holds a special niche:

Romney: The hot one who just wants to be respected for his ever-changing mind.

Gingrich: The angry one with horrifying morals who will likely be spitting on voters before the end.

Cain: The funny, yet super-troubled and possibly dangerous one.

Perry: The drunk one.

Paul: The wacky one who lives in a separate reality but has a cult of fans who live in that same separate reality.

Huntsman: The one in the suit.

Bachmann: The nutjob religoid.

Santorum: The nutjob religoid.

Ok, there may be more nutjob religoids in this group than in your average boy band, but I’m on a roll here so just overlook that.

As individuals, each one of these candidates is a train wreck of horror. But put them together, and they sing, baby. Somehow, all the anger, self-righteousness and ignorance meshes together into a symphony of stupid. Every GOP debate is must-see TV. They are like “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” but with far less intellectuality and ethics. And the best part is, they all assume we are laughing with them, when we are all just laughing at them.

This is why Americans of all stripes must come together and encourage all of them to stay in the race for the long haul. We must send letters, e-mails and text messages of support. We cannot lose a single one of them. Not now. Not when we need them most.

My friends, eventually there will be just one GOP candidate. And that candidate will somehow lose the general election to Barack Obama by 600 or so electoral votes as new states will spontaneously emerge just to vote against whoever the GOP offers up to slaughter.

Ok, maybe we can afford to lose Huntsman. But the others must stay on at least until the GOP Convention in Sept. 2012. Better yet, we need them all to stay in the race with the belief they may win.

Howard Gold called the Elite Eight “the single worst field of presidential candidates a major party has put forward in 50 years.” Gold is both correct and incorrect in this opinion. Sure, not a single one of them has a chance to win a race for county dog catcher, let alone the Presidency. But for those of us who revel in seeing a group of people far stupider and more evil than ourselves, the Elite Eight is pure win.

It is up to all of us to keep all of them in the race, for as long as possible. Ok, maybe not Huntsman. I still have no idea why he even ran in the first place. But the rest of them we need. Stay the course, Lady and Gentlemen. We need you. Now more than ever.

–WKW

 

This is the story of the Herman Cain

November 29, 2011

Fireworks shot through the Internet night
Enter stage left came Ginger White
She sees him struggling at a GOP Debate
Cries out “My God he’ll rule us all”
Here comes the story of the Herman Cain
The man so many women came to blame
For something that he says he never done
Put him even with Santorum but one time he could-a been
The President of the world.

Three other ladies there does Ginger see
And other women moving around mysteriously
“I didn’t do it” he says and he throws up his hands
“We were just friends I hope you understand
I’m a good Christian” he says and he frets
But one of them called up Gloria Allred
She arrives on the scene and the red lights flash
For a man who sold pizza to make his cash.

Meanwhile far away in another part of town
Herman Cain has no idea about foreign policy
Number one contender for the Presidency
Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down
When Wolf Blitzer asked if he did cheat
Just like the time before and the time before that
In Washington that’s just the way things go
If you’re a phony the Press you should not meet
‘Less you wanna draw the heat.

Herman could take a man out with just one line
But he never did like to talk about nothing but 999
It will work he’d say and it would add to my pay
But those sexual harassment charges have never gone away

Now all the contenders in their coats and their ties
Are free to drink martinis and watch the sun rise
While Herman sits in his own private hell
A guilty man who couldn’t keep vows to his wife
That’s the story of the Herman Cain
And he’ll never be able to clear his name
And undo the damage he’s done
He’s dropping out of the race today but he could-a been
The President of the world.

HT Bob Dylan

 

–WKW

Breaking: Super Committee loses its Heartbeat

November 21, 2011

Don Johnson sent to find it.

–WKW

Deepak Chopra gets honest on Twitter

October 11, 2011

I refuse to believe that Mr. Chopra’s account was hacked. After all, we must walk with those seeking truth and run from those that think they’ve found it.

–WKW

Reason No. 1 why you shouldn’t have Ghostwriters for Twitter

September 22, 2011

Trust me on this, do your own Tweeting. Mark Davidson has learned this lesson the hard way.

–WKW

Dana Gould channels Larry King

September 21, 2011

Dana Gould sends Kevin Pollack into hysterics with his Larry Kingisms.

–WKW

What did you just put in my drink?

September 14, 2011

Not safe for workplaces that are offended by dicks in a drink. Courtesy of The Fellows.

HT Steve Beste

–WKW

 

Let them eat Poop!

September 13, 2011

(I wrote this awhile back and don’t believe I ever posted here. – WKW)

I have two Boston Terriers – Max and Jack. For those of you that visit, Max is the surly, fat, smart one, while Jack is the happy, athletic idiot. Needless to say, we love them completely. Max and Jack have one driving passion in life, and of late, that passion has become a bit of a pain. You see, Max and Jack are poopy aficionados.

The Hunt for Poopy

Any venture outside is a grand hunt for poopy for Max and Jack. They just can’t seem to get enough. It doesn’t matter what variety of poopy they find, either. Dog, people, duck, porcupine, frog, parakeet, elephant, republican, democrat, you name it, they’ll wolf it down and comment on the ethereal ambiance of its tastes and flavors.

Now, while any poopy is fabulous poopy, cat poopy is the real victory. It’s comparable to chocolate for most humans I believe: while all poopy is fabulous, cat poopy is like the Godiva of poopy. It’s their purpose in life. Well, sleeping, chasing tennis balls and eating poopy are their purposes, in no specific order, but you get where I’m going.

Like most of us, however, dogs don’t get to eat out too often, so their own poopy is the target.

Drawing the Lines

Let me point out, that the quest for poopy often occurs outside, whilst my wife or I try to encourage them to create their own poopy. Still, the hunt for poopy, their own or the poopy of others can occur anywhere, at any time. Their talent for locating, and swallowing poopy before we can tell them not to would make the most advanced truffle-sniffing pig feel like, well, something that truffle-sniffing pigs look down upon.

So basically it is a test of wills – they doing everything in their itty-bitty little powers to procure and consume poopy, while we do everything we can to put an end to this poopy-lust forever. It is a war that will likely have no winners, and millions of poopies will probably be lost. Yet we strive forward, all four of us resolute in our goals.

Could Poopy Be Good?

One day I got to wondering if poopy-eating was all that bad for them. What if those sun-dried poopies that they eat like potato chips are actually giving them some nutrients that their adorable itty-bitty little bodies need? Could poopy be good for them? I was in a quandary, let me tell you. So, I brought out my old chemistry set, put it together on the kitchen table and stared stupidly at it for a while. Then, I called a veterinarian to see what someone with actual knowledge had to say about Max and Jack’s poopy prowess.

Of Course, Poopy is Bad

Dr. Debbie White of Lone Mountain Animal Hospital in Las Vegas, Nev., had the answers I was looking for, and then some. It turns out, poopy is not all that great for dogs, but not exactly like eating a dead, maggot-encased bird (Max ate one of those once.). Often animals do it to ingest more vitamins and nutrients. Some do it because they’re just gross.

“There are some other diseases that are shed in stool … Toxoplasmosis which is dangerous for pregnant woman, otherwise, just gastric upset,” White said.

Coprophagy, The Final Frontier

The act of eating non-food items for dogs is called pica. And, it turns out there is an actual word for poopy-eating — Coprophagy.

“This behavior comes from when the mother dog cleans the (poopy) from the litter of dogs birth to 4 weeks,” White said.

Many dogs will begin the practice of coprophagy during the time that their mother is cleaning their poop. The mother will usually continue this practice until the puppy is weaning. Often, the puppy will then begin to imitate its mother, and a new poopy-eater has been created.

Can This Coprophagic Behavior Be Stopped?

“They sell different products most include monosodium glutamate. 4-Bid, Deter, are two popular ones,” White said. “They are designed to make the stool taste bad. It sounds silly when you have to say it that way because you’d think poop would taste bad.

“Some will leave out a pile of poop and put jalapenos or Tabasco on it to act as a deterrent for that,” White added.

There are, of course, some other tricks to help cease this poopy addiction for your loving pooch. Should your dog be gripped by this brown menace, a good first step is to check your dog’s diet. Often coprophagy is the result of dogs not getting enough vitamins and minerals in its diet. Still, be careful not to overload your dog with vitamins, which poses its own problems.

Another reason behind coprophagy is often just plain boredom. Ever been so bored that you’ve eaten your own poop? Well, plenty of dogs have. If your dog spends most of its time in the house or small yard without much exercise, it will start looking for something, anything to keep itself entertained. A regiment of walks and play is always helpful for both owner and dog.

Other ways to help a dog lose interest in its own feces are to occasionally feed it a small amount of pineapple or other acidic fruit that will help change the flavors an ambiance of its poopy to something less desirable. When walking your dog in potentially poopy-populated areas, keep him on a leash and steer clear of temptation. Also, if you catch your dog in the act, call it away and reward it for saying no to poopy.

Finally, the simplest way to help the budding Coprophagics? Keep their area clean of temptation. Picking up poopy might be an arduous affair, but what better way to show your dog your love than to keep his area blissfully poopy-free?

What Not to Do

Remember, rebuking or physically punishingt your dog never has positive results, especially after the fact. Dogs just don’t remember things like that and it can lead to aggressive or fearful behavior.

Something to Look Into

So, it turns out I don’t have two dogs with disgusting eating habits. I have two coprophagists. So now all we have to do is find ourselves a pile of poopy, make it taste bad and Max and Jack’s party-pooping days may finally be over. It’s important to remember, however, that even the best canine experts out there still don’t have an exact theory on why dogs eat poopy. Results will vary from dog to dog, but eventually, with love and attention, you should be able to help your loving pet knock that poopy monkey right of its back.

–WKW

Courtesy the Wayback Machine.

Rampaging Panda overtakes Arizona

August 30, 2011

Don’t look now, but here it comes:

Only in Arizona.

HT Dvorak

–WKW

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