William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – The Danger Zone

Tommy Maddox turns 39 today. He may not have been one of the better quarterbacks in Pittsburgh Steelers history, but he never raped anyone, and that’s a good thing.

Wolfrum’s Word

Say what you will about British Petroleum’s PR effort, but as it stands now, it’s been brilliant. Just get Obama to say all’s clear, swim somewhere vaguely near the Gulf of Mexico and all is forgiven. But all is not forgotten, and won’t be for a long, long time. See more at my latest post at Alan Colmes Presents Liberaland.

News/Politics

Hurricane Earl: North Carolina braces for its imminent arrival.

Discovery Drama: The Left will point to the Right and the Right will point to the Left, but the fact is, hostage-taker James Lee was just a very sick man.

Afghanistan: More dead.

Iraq: Gosh, now that it’s over, there are just so many people to thank. We’ll let the Iraqis get their thank yous in later.

Listen

There’s been a lot of commentary around here about people getting songs stuck in their head. I feel left out, so:

You won’t get that combo of music and video out of your heads for weeks. Take that.

Blogs

Sadly, No!: There will be no signs in the Muslim-Hate Room.

TPMDC: Oh the fun we’ll have when Republicans shut down the government.

His Vorpal Sword: Dear God, Ben Smith sucks.

Open Left: What the Elites are trying to steal from us and why.

–WKW

Potential Incident Could Be Result of Violent Left-Wing Or Right-Wing Maniacs!

NEW YORK — There has been a recent discovery that an unidentified person walked into an unidentified establishment between 3 p.m. and 7 p.m. sometime between Tuesday and Thursday this week. The person, reportedly between the age of 23 to 57, was possibly carrying “zero to four bags, sources confirmed.

The incident was originally reported at the Web site Drudge Report, under the headline “LIBERAL BAG-TOTING ACTIVIST REIGNS TERROR ON AMERICA.”

A nearby passerby said that there seemed to be something in the bags the person was carrying.

“You could tell, something was being hidden in those bags,” said the nearby passerby. “Otherwise, why the bags? I mean, if there were bags?”

“WHY THE BAGS???” reported The Huffington Post in 156-point font size on its front page.

Many of the Internet’s most important bloggers immediately began to comment on the story.

“I think once again, in an age of total war on civilization, people have shown that they will walk anywhere with bags,” wrote Ace at Ace of Spades. “And the terrorist-coddling Left-wing treasonists will just let it happen.”

Later, John Aravosis of AmericaBlog chimed in with his views on what many were describing as a potential, or non-potential incident, situation or action.

“Glenn Beck incites violence every, single day,” wrote Aravosis. “This is further proof that this incitement can only lead to incidents, even if those incidents are just potential, or not.”

Police later admitted that they lost track of the person with the
bags, and that the person could be anywhere in the five boroughs, if, in fact, the person existed at all

“Yeah, we don’t know,” said an unidentified officer. “But there were bags. At least someone said there were bags.”

Moments ago, on Fox News, pundit Michelle Malkin said she believed that President Barack Obama was squarely to be blamed.

“There’s this person with bags, while we have a terrorist loving President who wants to build a Mosque directly on top of the graves of those killed during 9/11,” said Malkin. “If we don’t round-up and put all Enviro-nut-case Muslims into camps – NOW – we’re just going to have more and more of these bag incidents and then be ruled by Sharia Law.”

More on this story as it becomes directly and/or indirectly available.

–WKW

William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – Tipping the Cow

Alan Simpson’s opinion of Social Security and those that accept it.

News/Politics

Pakistan Floods: The watery nightmare continues unabated.

NYC Cabbie Stabbed: Make no mistake, this was a text book hate crime. But what set Michael Enright off?

Help Wanted: Need nine people fluent in Ebonics. Apply at DEA.

Blagojevich Retrial: Boxing trainer Gil Clancy enjoyed telling a story about being in the dressing room with a fighter who’d just lost. “Get me him again,”the fighter said. “You just had him,” answered Clancy. The same goes with Blago. They had him, lost him, and now it’s time to move on.

Glenn Beck’s “Dream”: Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Ken Mehlman’s Outage: No surprise, of course, but maybe some of these RNC types could come out while they still have political power.

Tea Party Power: As expected, the Tea Party will be the best thing Dems have going for them this November.

Sports

Tiger Woods’ Ex speaks: Elin Nordegren speaks out for the first time, and comes off as the only likable, real character in the whole mess.

More Football: The NFL wants an 18-game season? I’m ok with that.

Blogs

Crooks & Liars: A new design and some new bloggers for the venerable (by Web standards) blog.

Emptywheel: New Wikileak: CIA Admits US Exports Terror.

The NonProfit Quarterly: Wikileaks is all about exposure. Except when it comes to its own finances.

Swampland: Even Joe Klein is wondering about the truth of “Dems being depressed with Obama.”

Paul Krugman: Every day and in every way, we’ll learn that Krugman has been right all along.

And Finally

Seth MacFarlane is an interesting case. He’ll try and break every rule in the book on his TV shows, but becomes a babbling, uncertain fool when discussing real-world events. Also of interest, the ADL complained about MacFarlane using the term “Nazi.” Five-thousand politicians have compared Obama to Hitler, but MacFarlane gets chastised? Weird.

–WKW

Obama Must Attend Westboro Baptist Church

America faces few problems worse than where and when Barack Obama goes to church. Sure, there are environmental catastrophes to worry about, an economy that shows no interest in bouncing back, wars on God knows how many fronts and unemployment high enough to make Herbert Hoover cringe.

But this is America. And Christ matters.

With 20 percent of Americans believing that Obama is actually a Muslim, it’s time for Obama to turn that tide. He and his family must join the whitest, most conservative Christian Church as possible.

This is why I believe Obama needs to start attending Westboro Baptist Church. Because if there’s one thing you can say about Fred Phelps’ group, it’s that they certainly aren’t Muslim. Crazed, hateful theocrats? Sure. But not Muslims.

Of course, Phelps and his followers have little respect for Obama, being convinced he’s the anti-Christ, and all, but a weekly excursion to Topeka, Kansas should change that. Obama is exceedingly personable and can tithe like few others. He will quickly become a popular figure.

And while some may blanch at Westboro’s “God Hates Fags” motto, Obama should be able to fit right in, not with words but with actions. Obama still believes gays and lesbians should not be allowed to serve in the military, and he also believes that Gays & Lesbians should be able to be fired for the offense of being Gay or Lesbian. At this stage of the game, Obama fits right in with Phelps’ Phreaks.

Mostly, though, church will be a place for Obama to go think. In an impromptu poll taken by the Chronicles, we’ve discovered that 80 percent of churchgoers don’t pay a lick of attention during a mass. By attending Westboro Baptist, Obama can have at least an hour of private time where he can contemplate the nation’s ills, how LeBron James will fit with the Miami Heat, and other important issues.

By attending Westboro Baptist Church, Obama will convince those 20 percent that he is not a Muslim. Sure, he’ll lose the other 80 percent entirely, but he can worry about that later. What matters now is that he just go to a Christian church. Any Christian church. Because only then can he get Politico, NPR, CNN, and other media sources off his back.

Because only by going to a Christian church regularly can Barack Obama include himself in the vast majority of Americans who go to a Christian church because they think they’re supposed to and spend the mass thinking about football.

Because, at the very least, thinking about football in a Christian church is much more politically important than debating whether Obama is Muslim or not.

–WKW

William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – Bat Guano Crazy

Bats. Why did they have to be bats?

News/Politics

Pakistan Floods: Capitalism not stepping up to the plate to help out Pakistanis stuck in a watery hell.

We Found the Oil!: How about that? It seems 80% of the oil spewed into the Gulf of Mexico is still there. Could this mean British Petroleum … gasp … lied to us?

Iraq Violence: 50 killed by a suicide bomber, as the “victory” in Iraq gets increasingly bloody.

Karzai Kicking: Afghan President Hamid Karzai orders all private security contractors out of the country within four months. In other news, U.S. begins drawing up “Time to Go, Hamid” assassination plans.

Unemployment Lies: Five myths about unemployment.

Interesting

Batsanity: At least 500 people have been bitten by rabid vampire bats in Peru. Rabid Peruvian Vampire Bats. There can be nothing more terriofying, in my book.

Forget Her Not: Michelle Philpot’s accident left her mind stuck in 1994. Meaning that at very least, she missed the entire Bush presidency.

Blogs

Rude Pundit: The families and loved ones of 9/11 victims don’t really have a say in what happens next in NYC.

Media Matters: The further adventures of Maureen Dowd.

Glenn Greenwald: Journalistic integrity is not applicable when dealing with OMG MUSLIMS!

Talking Points Memo: Tea Partiers oppose Net Neutrality like good little GOP soldiers.

Crooks & Liars: Pam Gellar led the anti-Mosque charge. Has the U.S. media gone completely insane?

Warning

Don’t Drunk Dial Freedomworks. Just don’t.

–WKW

Thank you for not killing anyone

A good blog is a back-and-forth experience between writer and reader. When a blog reaches its apex, commentary and conversation meld together, making reader and writer one.

Of course, sometimes, this tight of a relationship can mean a level of complacency can creep in. Things can go unsaid. Which is why today, I’d like to send out a thank you to my readers.

Thank you, dear readers, for not killing anyone.

Thank you for not going into the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum with guns ablaze.

Thank you for not murdering police officers with your gun because you’re afraid Barack Obama will take it away.

Thank you for not killing police officers because you don’t understand what terms like “Nazi” and “Enslavement” mean.

Thank you for not murdering doctors who have the best interests of women at heart.

Thank you for not murdering church-goers because you hate liberals and gays.

Thank you for not threatening federal judges.

Thank you for not collecting arms to attempt a violent takeover of the government.

Thank you for not planning a mass murder at a non-profit organization because I mentioned them.

And most of all, thank you for being the type of readers who don’t have to be reminded not to murder anyone. Because that allows me to be the type of writer who doesn’t have to defend himself when politically motivated killings occur.

–WKW

William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – Kill All Babies Edition

Don’t say you weren’t warned about blood-thirsty terror babies.

News/Politics

Terror Babies: Texas State Rep. Debbie Riddle believes there is a plot involving pregnant women from other countries traveling to America as tourists to give birth, and then raising the babies as terrorists. These are the death throes of a Republic.

The GOP’s Economy: David Stockman, President Ronald Reagan’s director of the Office of Management and Budget, says the GOP has destroyed the U.S. economy.

Protect the Border: President Obama to approve $600 million for border security. I guess that border fence didn’t really work out.

Net Neutrality: What the rest of the world is saying about Google and Verizon’s plan to change the Internet.

Red Alert

Bearded terrorist monkeys have been found in South America!

Blogs

EZ Kool: White supremacists are Glenn Beck’s favorite.

Right Wing Watch: Will the Right give up on California and focus on taking away the rights of others in other states?

Care2: Of course a Republican came up with a plan to put illegal immigrants into camps.

Raw Story: Google denies it’s selling out Net Neutrality.

How Slinky

So now, we can all stop wondering when someone will build a better Slinky.

–WKW

William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – It’ll blow your face off

Why blogging is better than spitting fire: My face almost never bursts into flames.

Census Bureau Returns Cash: Counting people isn’t as expensive as first anticipated.

Pentagon Cuts: Robert Gates wants some heavy cuts to the Pentagon budget. This could be war.

Alaska Crash: A plane goes down in Alaska, leaving 8 dead and friends worried that Ted Stevens was on the plane.

Damned Hippy Bloggers!: White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs says the “Professional Left” won’t be happy until the Obama Administration institutes “Canadian healthcare” and “eliminated the Pentagon.” When asked, Gibbs can’t name anyone actually involved in the “Professional Left.”

People

Levi Johnston: The wacky neighbor of the Palin Show sitcom will be running for mayor of Wasilla in his new reality show. I don’t see the big deal. They’ve had worse candidates.

Dick Cheney: The Man Without a Pulse is now freely roaming the streets, hungrily devouring brains.

Blogs

Broadsheet: Jodie Fisher made soft-core porn more than a decade before accusing HP ex-boss Mark Hurd of sexual harassment. Let the slut-shaming begin.

Glenn Greenwald: Marriage and the role of the State.

NewsHoggers: Steven Slater says take this job and slide it.

Today’s Drum: 50 Cent joins the bone marrow donor list and is encouraging other African-Americans to follow in his steps.

Joy!

I went to an “Eco Resort” in Manaus a while back, and we got to see a sloth that had been taken in by a poor family that used him as a way to make money from tourists. They are almost too sweet and cute for their own good.

–WKW

William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – Solve me with your God Number

William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – August 9, 2010

Erik Akkersdijk once solved a Rubik’s Cube in 7.08 seconds. Today, that record doesn’t mean jack, thanks to God’s number.

News/Politics

A Congress Divided: The House of Representatives wonder what their Senate counterparts are waiting on.

Trial for Youngest Gitmo Detainee: And it seems like yesterday he just started talking.

Wealth Give Away: Bill Gates and Warren Buffet are getting other billionaires to donate big chunks of their estates to charity. This creates a special new job, by the way – killing billionaires. You know, for charity.

Geeking Out

Quality on Twitter: On Twitter, it’s not how many follow you, but how awesome your followers are, or something.

Fast Company: Digg, WikiLeaks, and Censorship, American Style.

Quick Movie Review

Sex and the City 2: By the end, I hated sex and the city. I hated the characters and their clothes. I hated marriage and children. And I was pro-Sharia Law. Rating: D- (On the plus side, the boom never fell into the screen).

People

Mia Farrow: Now Mia Farrow says Naomi Campbell is telling a lie of the witness stand. The Liberia case at The Hague may become the first major trial of a warlord covered by Perez Hilton.

Patricia Neal: The Oscar-winning actress dies at age 84.

Stephen Hawking: Ok, we get it, humanity is doomed.

Blogs

Alternet: Seems someone on the Right discovered Digg.

Emptywheel: Obama does little to defend progressive nominees.

Mother Jones: A conservative that wasn’t conservative enough talks Tea Party.

Frank Rich: And in rides George W. Bush to the Democrats rescue.

HolyTaco: You too can write a Black Eyed Peas song.

Cube20.org: The God Number has been found. Rubik’s Cube has been solved. Nothing much to do now but wait around to die.

And Finally

It’s Monday, but at least you aren’t her:

–WKW

William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – All Coked-Up Monkey Edition

William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – August 6, 2010

Weekend Forecast: Partly cloudy with sporadic outbursts of Coked-up Stimulus Monkeys.

Wolfrum’s Word

Energy outages have created several work stoppages and have helped embolden an overall feeling of pre-weekend lethargy. Plus, the monkeys. Dear God, the monkeys.

News/Politics

Down with Prop. 8: A Judge rules Proposition 8 is unconstitutional. That’s the good news. The bad news – this is all far from over.

Elena Kagan Confirmed: After her confirmation by the Senate yesterday, Elena Kagan will be sworn in as the next Supreme Court Justice on Saturday.

People

Naomi Campbell: I’ve said all along that supermodels and war criminals go together like peanut butter and jelly.

Wycleaf Jean: This blog is not in the habit of endorsing candidates, and will not change that philosophy in regard to Wycleaf Jean running for President of Haiti. It’s interesting, though.

Blogs

Macleanes.ca: Did Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia give away the game on Prop. 8?

Crooks & Liars: Mike links to us and others.

Joe Klein: The Democrats are going to die. Come back next week when I tell you how they can save themselves by being more Republican.

Doctor Cleveland: Undermining Traditional Marriage (Amen!)

Bro Bible: Finally, everything you need to know about South Park.

And Remember

Coked-up Stimulus Monkeys are funny.

–WKW

Covering South American Sporting venues in UAE’s “The National”

From time to time I’ve been known to escape the confines of this blog, and this week is one of those times, as I have some stories up at The National, an English newspaper in the United Arab Emirates.

The stories – given to me by former colleague Paul Oberjuerge – were on sporting venues in South America. The three stories:

Maracana is the heart of Brazilian football

Chocolate Box of Boca is no treat for visiting clubs

Where Speed is King in Brazil

They were interesting stories to write. I talked with a few people about the venues, and was also able to add some of the knowledge I’ve picked up in Brazil to the story. All in all, a quite interesting and positive assignment and experience.

–WKW

William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – August 3, 2010

Despite early failures such as the one above, Jake Tapper has still managed to achieve lofty status in the D.C. media world.

News

BP Oil Disaster Wins!: I knew if we all worked separately, clinging to diverse agendas, we could make this happen. By the way, why didn’t Time convert the 4.9 million barrels into gallons? Who has a calculator?

Violence in Pakistan: We might be leaving a federal deficit for our children, but we’re also leaving them a war in Pakistan. More instability in a country that is both friend and foe.

People

Kanye West: The King of Turning Nothing into Something follows one dude on Twitter. Dude could live without it.

Mel Gibson: The one true sign that it’s over for Mel – Leonardo DiCaprio just dumped him.

Today’s Red Dawn Fetishist

Crazy bastard Paul Craig Roberts takes a look at a dark future. Six years from now:

“The first clans organized around local police forces. The conservatives’ war on crime during the late 20th century and the Bush/Obama war on terror during the first decade of the 21st century had resulted in the police becoming militarized and unaccountable.

As society broke down, the police became warlords. The state police broke apart, and the officers were subsumed into the local forces of their communities. The newly formed tribes expanded to encompass the relatives and friends of the police.

The dollar had collapsed as world reserve currency in 2012 when the worsening economic depression made it clear to Washington’s creditors that the federal budget deficit was too large to be financed except by the printing of money.”

Infowars is so insane, it is almost awesome.

Blogs

Crooks & Liars: The Iraq Troop withdrawal is “on schedule,” says Obama.

Paul Krugman: The economist sees a “new definition of prosperity” coming to the U.S.

Newshounds: If the media stopped reporting the dumb things she says and does, more people would like Sarah Palin.

Gay Rights: Gay couple saves life of homophobe. No word on homophobe’s current opinion of gay marriage.

Bob Cesca’s Awesome Blog! Go!: Don’t be afraid to give George H.W. Bush a bit of credit for Clinton’s budget surplus. Also, Cesca put this video up, and he thinks it’s wicked cool. That’s enough for me:

–WKW

Tom Shales gets his sexism on

Warning Sign: Writing a rambling 63-word-sentence paragraphs may be a sign that your subconscious is telling you that you are a sexist, and that your opinions are invalid.

“In promotional appearances earlier in the week on ABC’s “Good Morning, America,” inevitably enough, and at the start of the new show, Amanpour announced her intention to ‘open a window on the world’ now that she runs ‘This Week,’ but the show was hardly a haven for isolationists, and refashioning it to take advantage of Amanpour’s specialty could, in a word, ruin it.”

– The Washington Post’s Tom Shales, reviewing Christina Amanpour on “This Week.”

–WKW

William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – July 30, 2010

Basil Marceaux for Governor. Have a nice day. (Via Mario Piperni)

News/Politics

Redemption: Just because Tony Hayward was at the helm when British Petroleum dumped millions of gallons of oil into the Gulf of Mexico doesn’t mean it’s his fault. You jerks.

Disperse Me: The countdown is on – how long before the media connects the “1.7 million gallons of dispersant” and the “Where is the Oil” stories. Because I’m thinking that oil may have been dispersed.

Talking Iran: Iran is ready to talk again! Everything’s going to be just fine.

Internet Surveillance: Like the Bush Administration, the Obama Administration isn’t fond of warrants.

Snooki’d: Does Obama know who Snooki is our not? Millions of words will be written about this in the next 24 hours. Then quickly forgotten.

Entertainment

Ellen, Out: Ellen Degeneres is just too nice to be an American Idol judge.

Chelsea’s Wedding: The media is scouring New York for information on Chelsea Clinton’s wedding. Maybe Andrew Breitbart will release a video.

Blogs

Alan Colmes Presents Liberaland: My latest at Colmes’ place – Mamma, don’t let your babies grow up in Red States.

Politico: Let’s see how long Politico will leave up a factually wrong post. The commenters are having no luck getting a correction and neither is Glenn Greenwald.

Americablog: Swift Boat donors charged with ‘extensive securities fraud’ by SEC. Who would have thought they’d be unethical?

Mudflats: The new Sarah Palin Book cover is here! The new Sarah Palin Book cover is here!

Basil Times Two

Personally, I prefer Basil Marceaux Jr. as a candidate.

One of These Guys Guzzled Steroids

Remembering when George H.W. Bush didn’t give the office the respect it requires.

–WKW

Make money The Huffington Post way with Sexism, Hyperbole and Woo

Being one of the most influential bloggers on the planet is no easy chore. The endless 18-hour work days can be hard on myself, and my family. Plus, the mainstream media and much of the general public have almost no respect for bloggers. And the pay is horrible.

Now, for the first two issues, there’s little I can do. I am dedicated to the craft, after all. But for the money part, I have learned that there is one thing I can do to make this blog lucrative. And that’s what I’m going to do.

I’m going Huffington Postisize this bitch.

After having read Newsweek’s recent article on The Huffington Post, I saw how Arianna Huffington has turned her vision into a $30-million-a-year site that is now turning a profit. But what I didn’t see in the article were the three main strategies that made The Huffington Post the powerhouse it is today:

Sexism, hyperbole and woo.

And I can do all three of those things. In fact, I can two two of them right this very moment:

[Read more]

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