William K. Wolfrum Chronicles

This week, corporations, politicians and athletes from around the globe are getting together to congratulate the Chinese government for being twisted murderers. In honor of all those supporting China and it’s hatred of human rights, let me just say this:

Fuck the Olympics.

Fuck the Chinese Government.

Fuck George W. Bush for attending and supporting the murderous Chinese government.

Fuck sportswriters who think holding the Olympics in a totalitarian nation makes it more interesting.

Fuck China’s Nazi-esque obsession with winning gold medals.

Fuck China for refusing a visa to an outspoken U.S. gold medallist.

Fuck Coca-Cola, GE, Johnson & Johnson, Kodak, Atos Origin, Lenovo, McDonalds, Manulife, Omega, Panasonic, Visa, Samsung, Omega, UPS, Haier, Budweiser, adidas, Staples and all the other soul-less corporations sponsoring this phony festival in a nation that murders more of its own citizens than anywhere else.

The “Olympic Movement” is a sham and the next three weeks in Beijing will be little more than a long commercial with athletes in it.

Fuck the Olympics.

–WKW

What do get when you combine lesbians, soccer, parties, social activism, camaraderie and assorted other ingredients? The Festival of the Babes.

Yes, the Festival of the Babes, the annual gala of lesbians soccer is set to kick off on August 29 in Seattle, and they are still looking for lesbians - or women who aren’t afraid to be mistaken for one - to both fill out the teams and to fill volunteer rolls and referee.

Kristina Armenakis, a long-time soccer player and an experienced FOBBER (that’s what they call themselves), is leading the charge to organize the event, the 18th annual Festival of the Babes. For Armenakis, the zany fun attitude will remain, but this year she wants to focus also on the pioneers of FOB.

“It’s really about coming together as a community in soccer,” said Armenakis, 28. “There are early Fobbers and we want to recognize their efforts.”

The Festival of the Babes was created in 1991 in response to the Gay Games. Since then FOB has been hosted in Seattle, San Francisco and Portland. The Labor Day tournament runs two days and three nights with parties held every night. This year there will be 24 teams competing in three different divisions, with more than 350 players competing. And partying. And partying while competing.

Players drink beer on the pitch, celebrate halftime with body shots and should a team take a five-goal lead, every subsequent goal requires the leading players to doff an article of clothing. It is a festival that transcends being a soccer tournament, and is instead a celebration of soccer, lesbians and women in a safe and positive setting.

Of course, Armenakis is quick to point out that the matches aren’t all fun and games.

“I think for some folks it’s a party event and for some it’s a soccer event,” said Armenakis, who noted that pride was the main prize the winner’s will take home. “For each division there is a championship game, with the winners taking home the grand prize. I don’t think there will be trophies.”

This year, FOB has several sponsors, but has one main sponsor - Sweet, an Eco-friendly lesbian travel company. Other sponsors include boxer Clara de la Torre and Babeland Sex Toys.

Having a travel company, boxer and sex toy company as three of its sponsors is almost poetic for FOB, which features an eclectic mix of teams from around the nation and world. Some of the teams competing this year will be: The Beavs, 5 Point Spread Eagles, Corporate Whores, and Dinah Shore is Gay.

Also, FOB will be donating money to and working to help out Seattle Scores, the only after-school program that uses soccer to inspire literacy in school children, and striving to help it get as many donations as possible.

So if any ladies out there feel that spending your Labor Day weekend with a bunch of sweating, partying and blissful lesbians sounds like a fine idea, head over to the Festival of Babes Web site by clicking here.

If you’d like to volunteer for the Festival of Babes, head over to their Volunteer page, which lists the jobs that need filled. Also, while registration for teams is now closed, players can still sign up individually and will be placed on teams in need.

Just one piece of advice: Should you decide to go to the Festival of the Babes, be aware that you will likely find that you have plans on Labor Day for many years to come.

–WKW

Crossposted at Shakesville

Remember when Wilt Chamberlain wrote that he had been with 25,000 women and how it just seemed mathematically impossible, but heck, it was Wilt Chamberlain so maybe he was telling what he believed to be true?

Well, in Brazil, they’ve recently uncovered their own Wilt the Stilt in Fluminese coach Renato Gaúcho, who in a recent interview let it be known that he had slept with 5,000 women.

“I am the true phenomenon,” said Gaúcho.

Gaúcho, whose career as a player was highlighted by more than 40 appearance with the Brazilian National Team, while his coaching career has brought him a Brazil Cup title, has said that he’s managed to sleep that number of women even while being married for 15 years. Gaúcho also admitted to having had sex with numerous Brazilian stars, including model and Carnival legend Luma de Oliveira.

Sadly for Gaúcho, the Brazilian media isn’t really buying it, pointing out that to achieve such a number, Gaúcho would have had to have slept with three different women every week of the year every year since he was 13. And despite his charisma and charms, most find that dubious. Not that it matters to Gaúcho, of course, who, even by Brazilian standards has a ridiculously high opinion of himself.

–WKW

Josh Hamilton of the Texas Rangers had captured baseball’s imagination at the Major League Baseball Home Run Derby. Hamilton had lived up to the grandiose setting at what will be the final All-Star game and season for Yankee Stadium. By hitting 28 home runs in a single round, Hamilton obliterated the previous record, and thrilled fans with three home runs of more than 500 feet and several other tape-measure jobs.

Afterward, Hamilton - who has credited Jesus Christ for his return from drug addiction - thanked Jesus and spoke of his many blessings.

“It’s bad night for Atheists,” ESPN announcer Rick Reilly said.* **

And so it was. Christ had led Hamilton to a great triumph. Atheists throughout the lands felt the sting of this blow. It was unexpected. Jesus had seemingly shied away from Major League Baseball due to it haphazard handling of the steroids epidemic. But he was back, filling Hamilton’s muscular, tattooed arms (that he truly regrets) and bat with Christpower that emblazoned across the land and then across the land yet again, a truly impressive feat. Christ stood victorious. Atheists were in ruins, such is our unquenchable hatred for Christ and all things his miserable hands would touch.

And then, after his 28-home run round, Hamilton failed to hit a home run to win some guy a truck. Atheists stirred, still wounded from the loss at the majestic hands of Jesus Christ, but somewhat awoken.

And the Hamilton came apart in the final round, hitting only three home runs before making 10 outs. That made Minnesota Twins’ star Justin Morneau - who had already hit five in his round - the winner. Christ had won the battle but lost the war. Like the big failure that he is, thought Atheists around the globe.

It was a good night for Atheists.

*Seriously, he said that.

**Thanks to Shaker cy for making me aware it was Reilly.

–WKW

Both of my parents grew up in Pittsburgh, so I was born a fan of the Steelers. It was quite convenient for me, actually, as I grew up watching a winner. My father, however, had spent his whole life rooting for the Steelers and they always rewarded him with being lousy. They were lousy before my Dad was born, even during World War II when they combined forces with the Philadelphia Eagles and were known as the “Steagles.”

But I was lucky when at age nine I got to celebrate the Steelers first Super Bowl victory. Four more have followed and for the most part, they have always had a solid team and have earned a reputation as one of the toughest teams in the NFL.

More than anything, I’m glad my Dad has gotten to see the team do so well after so many years of suffering with them. With so many relatives coming from Pittsburgh, I know a true Steelers fan when I see one. And John McCain is not one.

Because a true Steelers fan would never write this:

Pressed for more useful information, I gave the names of the Green Bay Packers offensive line, and said they were members of my squadron.

And then go campaign in Pennsylvania and say this:

When I was first interrogated and really had to give some information… I named the starting lineup, defensive line, of the Pittsburgh Steelers as my squadron-mates!”

John McCain is no Steelers fan. And regardless of the controversy that this may cause, let me just say that being a POW does not automatically make one a Steelers fan.

Expect the “I named the starting line up of the (Insert your City’s Team Here) to my interrogators” world tour to continue when McCain goes to campaign in Texas and tells the media how he named the starting lineup of the Houston Texans to his captors.

–WKW

Over at WorldGolf.com, I just put up a post taking a look at Conde Nast’s decision to stop publishing Golf for Women magazine, the only prominent women’s golf title in the nation.

Published bi-monthly and with a circulation of 600,000, thus far reasons speculated for the demise of GFW have ranged from the loss of its editor, Susan K. Reed, to Oprah’s Magazine “O,” as well as a drop-off in advertising revenue in the first quarter of 2008. For its part, Conde Nast has only stated that GFW did not “support our long term business objectives.”

From an outsider’s perspective, Conde Nast’s decision appears to be based more on ennui than editors and economics. Mind you, Conde Nast also published the two biggest golf titles on the planet, Golf World and Golf Digest. Cross-marketing would seem to be a no-brainer.

Nonetheless, the decision has been made, and Golf for Women next issue will be it’s last. However, I strongly encourage readers to take a look at GFW’s Web presence, a stylish site that may continue to survive and that includes personal friends Kristen Williams and Patricia Hannigan, as well as other dynamic women’s golf writers as Ashley Mayo and Stina Sternberg.

While a niche magazine, Golf for Women had a strong niche, two decades of history and a solid readership that had grown more that 200,000 in the past decade. For women who love golf and those that love women’s golf, the magazine’s shutdown is a true loss. Still, one wonders whether GFW could have survived if Conde Nast had the same dedication to it as its readers and writers.

Read more here.

–WKW

“A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double.”

–Toni Morrison

Yesterday in England, Venus and Serena Williams woke up together, had breakfast together, and then went out and completely dominated the world’s most prestigious tennis tournament. In the women’s final at Wimbledon, Venus beat Serena in a scintillating match that showcased the sisters’ incredible power games and athleticism. And for good measure, later in the day the two teamed up to win the women’s doubles title.

They also reminded us that they are the greatest sibling tandem in the history of professional sports. If forced to use just one word to describe Venus and Serena Williams, “unprecedented” is one of the first that comes to mind.

There have been brilliant sibling athletes throughout history, mind you. Bobby and Al Unser are motor racing legends as the brothers combined to win the Indianapolis 500 an amazing seven times. Reggie and Cheryl Miller were both brilliant basketball players. Currently, the Manning brothers - Eli and Peyton - have each led their teams to Super Bowl championships, while Kurt and Kyle Busch have thus far combined to win 28 Nextel Cup races.

But when it comes to greatness on the field of play - especially in an individual sport - no one can touch what the Williams sisters have accomplished.

Both Venus and Serena have been ranked as the best womens tennis player on the planet. Combined they have won 91 tournaments, including 33 Grand Slam titles. Seven of those Grand Slam titles have come as doubles partners. Eight times in their careers the two have dominated Grand Slam events and met each other in the finals. Together they have won nearly $40 million for their on-court efforts.

Together they have overcome racism, as well accusations of aloofness and other pretend controversies to become brilliant ambassadors of their sport. They are charitable, media- and fan-friendly and positive role models. They have attracted more new fans to tennis than any other players in the game.

About the only thing that detractors can point to is that they each play moderate schedules, focusing more on the biggest tournaments. But they have always used their time wisely.

Off the court, each have shown tremendous business acumen - Serena in fashion and Venus in interior design.

As athletes, however, the two have changed the game, as individually both have to be ranked among the best to ever play the game. And neither has reached the age of 30, yet.

Fans of tennis are well aware they living in a historical time, being able to watch the Williams sisters. But even for non-fans of the sport, there can be no doubt that Venus and Serena Williams have moved beyond being just great tennis players. Individually, each has transcended the game as Althea Gibson, Billie Jean King, Chris Evert, and Martina Navratilova did before them.

Combined, however, there just is no precedent to the Williams sisters. And despite myriad brilliant accomplishments by each already, their journey as tennis players, women and sisters still has a long way to go.

–WKW

Watch as rookie superstar Candace Parker becomes just the second player in the WNBA to dunk in a game:

“Ala, Michael Jordan?” asked-stated Los Angeles Sparks coach Michael Cooper after the game. For Coop, the answer is maybe yes, maybe no. Parker appears to have what it takes to take her game to an unprecedented level in the WNBA. And in joining teammate Lisa Leslie as the only other WNBA player to dunk in the game, Parker makes the Los Angeles Sparks may be the most exciting team in the league.

It is strange that first dunk elicited a huge response from the national media. The second dunk? Not so much. And expect them to receive even less attention as Parker does it more and more often.

Bill

Crossposted at Shakesville.com

Oscar De La Hoya cruised to a unanimous decision over Stevie Forbes in Los Angeles on Saturday night. For De La Hoya, that’s the good news. The bad news is this - if he steps in against anyone less limited than Forbes, he could be in big trouble.

Showing little more than aggression, a good work pace and a strong left jab, De La Hoya cruised past Forbes in a fight he should have won by knockout. Forbes, a former Contender titlist, is a decent enough fighter,but has very little power. Still, De La Hoya ended the fight with bruises under both eyes.

De La Hoya has been good for boxing, and will continue to be, both with his rematch with Floyd Mayweather, and with his Golden Boy Promotions. But his time as a top fighter is over. Mayweather has boasted he’ll stop De La Hoya next time around, and it’s likely he will.

De La Hoya deserves respect for his career. He’s by no means an all-time great, but anyone who has fought the level of fighters he has deserves respect. Nonetheless, against Forbes, De La Hoya looked, and fought like an older fighter. His power is negligible and he was accurate with only his jab.

–WKW

On Costas Now, H.G. “Buzz” Bissinger, author of the book Friday Night Lights, made it very clear that sports blogs are an obscene atrocity. And did it all while repeatedly swearing.

In the segment, Will Leitch of Deadspin does a fine job at making Bissinger - who’s really not that old and is actually a perfect example of the modern print sportswriter - look like a man desperately trying to hang on to a dying media - the newspapers. And Leitch did it with class, unlike Bissinger.

“I’m not the future,” Bissinger said.

Which is really all that need to be said.

Take a look at the video at Deadspin here.

–WKW

Head on over to WorldGolf.com to see the continuation of my conversation with Martha Burk, this time in feature story form: “Martha Burk’s fight against Augusta National’s all-male policy gaining momentum, she says”

The story takes a look at Burk and the “Women on Wall Street Project,” as well as her opinion on the “Curves vs. Augusta National” debate (”It’s a silly comparison,” said Burk), and more.

And, if you haven’t seen it, check out the blog post I did on Burk and the Masters golf tournament, as well, which you can find by clicking here. I’d love to hear your thoughts on both of them.

–WKW

Getting off the phone earlier this morning with Martha Burk, I was struck by one thing more than any other - her focus. For a woman who five years ago put herself on the front lines for feminism in the most visible of ways, she is still more focused than ever. And still on the front lines.

Because while the golf establishment decided that Burk was a non-factor, the rest of the nation took notice. The fact that Augusta National is a sexist organization became blindingly clear to many due to Burk’s 2003 protest at the Masters. And the fact that it remains that way due to a member list that consists primarily of CEOs, politicians and the like is also equally obvious.

I wrote a blog post about Burk and her experiences before and after the 2003 Masters at WorldGolf.com. You can read that post by clicking here. I am also working on a feature story for WorldGolf.com that will take the story even further.

When I told Burk that the blog post I wrote would likely be met with by anger from the golfing community, she could not contain her laugh.

“Tell me about it,” she said.

I hope you go read the post. Because it was truly a pleasure to speak with the indomitable Martha Burk.

–WKW

This week at the Masters golf tournament there will be more millionaire Christians congregated together than one could shake a stick at, should stick shaking be an action you prefer for this type of thing.

Yes, Augusta, Georgia is just bursting at its peach-stained borders as it prepares for the Masters, as old money meets with new money that meets with “Hey, how the hell did you get money?” at extravagant Masters-flavored galas throughout the land.

But the fact is this: Christians are in immortal peril. We must save them. You see, as I was strolling through Kevin 4:12 (there was a Kevin, right?) I came to a part that states that every Christian should give away all their money and preach about Jesus, or go to Hell. Or something like that. It was pretty explicit, though.

Now, while I pick and choose which parts of the Bible I take seriously (you know, like all other Christians), I have decided to take this particular sin Extremely Seriously.

And being a golf blogger, it was easy to find a whole flock of sinners this week - in Augusta. You can almost feel the Christianity in the air at Augusta National, though I suspect that would be true in most of the South. This is not a bad thing, mind you. I would have to guess that the vast majority of Georgia Christians are true peaches. They tithe, they give, they are generally pleasant to be around. But like me, they are sinners headed for hell. Unlike me, they care.

So I have decided that a two-prong plan is necessary. The first part is that every good Christian in Augusta (including PGA Tour players) must give away all their earthly goods. The second part is they need to give it all away to me.

Now, I can see that the latter part of this plan raises eyebrows, but its necessity is two fold. First, it’s all about verification. You send me everything; I mark you down as not violating that sin. And I’ll make a Powerpoint Presentation out of it that will really dazzle.

Secondly, you’ll be enriching me. As a non-believer, I will be punished even extra for living such a luxurious life, and I will be promoting the Christian cause. Do you see the beauty in that? I will not mock your faith and only speak highly of it. Because, seriously, I’ll freakin’ love Christians.

Also, for me - a Hell-bound soul - this is sort of a “Pay My Way Through Hell” deal. At very least, I can spend my mortal days in the manner I so clearly deserve. And when it’s all over, you can laugh at me from above as I get eternally tortured, and kick myself for being so shortsighted.

But it’s cool because I don’t believe in that. But you do.

Because religion matters. And you either follow the rules or you don’t. God just isn’t going to cut anyone any slack and this isn’t something a deathbed confession will fix. This is a big sin we’re talking about here. I want to help as many of you as I can. Let me save you as I damn myself. Just put on some old clothes and hiking boots and start wandering the land telling people about Jesus. And then have your accountant give away all your possessions. To me.

–WKW

If you were a scientist - a real, dedicated scientist - could you think of anything more fulfilling than spending your days examining Tiger Woods sweat? Well, Scientists at the Gatorade Sports Science Institute do just that. See for yourself:

For more on the hard work done by these scientists on a golfer’s bodily fluids, click here to see my WorldGolf.com blog on the subject.

–WKW

From afar, I guess I like Mark Cuban. The owner of the Dallas Mavericks is a character, and in a sports world notorious for taking itself far too seriously, a little character can go a long way.

I say “from afar” because I’m sure if I actually knew Cuban, I’d find him horrifyingly grinding and irritating. He seems to be one of those twitchy, type-A types that believes every last one of the world’s problems can be solved if you just scream “work harder!” loud and often enough.

But hey, the dude won the Internet lottery and gets to be a billionaire. Good for him. He’s a salesman and a damned good one, and really doesn’t seem like a bad guy.

But being a billionaire, entrepreneur and NBA team owner is no excuse to be ignorant. Because upon first reading of Cuban’s post “My Presidential Endorsement” (which, he then refuses to make), I was struck by how ill-informed and, well, stupid he sounds in talking politics:

I’ve looked at the websites of current and previous candidates to get an understanding of their platforms. They all have positions, some of which I agree with, some of which I don’t. But there is one thing that is missing from each and everyone of them, any manner of implementation. Health care, spending cuts, retaining or repealing tax cuts, keeping or removing troops, the soundbites with pretty numbers never end. [emphasis mine] Not a single candidate provides details on how exactly they are going to accomplish anything.

Now that’s some great pandering to the people and all, Mark, but the fact is:

Hillary Clinton

–Plan for Healthcare (PDF)

–Plan to end the War on Iraq

–Other issues, with lots and lots of details

Barack Obama

–Plan for Healthcare (PDF)

–Plan to end the War on Iraq (PDF)

–Other issues, with lots and lots of details

Heck, even John McCain has let his stand on what he plans to do if elected be known. As has Mike Huckabee.

But now, more from Mark:

It reminds me of business plans I get from kids who tell me about their vision and project all kinds of numbers leading to grand results. They can site historical facts and figures, but when it comes time to get into details of exactly how they are going to execute on their plans, the response is basically that they will figure it out as they go. I wouldn’t invest in a business that is winging it any more than I want to vote for a presidential candidate that is winging it.

Unfortunately , they are all winging it. i have no question that they have every detail about how to spend their campaign contributions on advertising planned out. I have yet to see details on how they plan to accomplish all their great promises they are making to voters. That scares me.

Basically, Cuban is saying that politicians are all just a bunch of phonies who speak in generalities while never making a stand. He does this by speaking in generalities and not making a stand. And let us not talk about being scared. After all, Cuban thinks Ayn Rand had all the answers.

Anyway, Cuban goes on to take random swipes at McCain and Ron Paul before getting to his nut graph:

So here is my hope. My hope is that the entire primary process is just the preseason. That its nothing more than an expensive introduction to the Republican and Democratic candidates and once they have picked their winner, a wealthy individual will nominate them self to compete with the 2 parties and run for President.

[Emphasis his] Are you listening Mayor Bloomberg ? For less than the cost of opening a tent pole movie, you can change the status quo. I’m not saying that I’m going to vote for you yet. As I said above, the devil is in the details. But, I’m betting that unlike the current choices, you recognize the difference between politics and results.

Now, when I first read this, I wondered what the hell Cuban was babbling about? Bloomberg? Are you serious? Jeff Fecke has generated more excitement as a Presidential candidate than Michael Bloomberg has. And Fecke didn’t even single-handedly bury Unity08.

Ah, but there’s the crux of the matter: According to Wikipedia (and a solitary mention in a Cuban blog post about a year ago) Cuban “holds a position on the Unity08 political organization’s advisory council.”

And while Unity08 has gone to the place that astroturf campaigns go when they die, Bloomberg is still considered a potential Independent candidate - at least in Brownsdale, Minn. And taking a look at Google News, it’s easy to see that right about now, Bloomberg’s several supporters are starting to make noises that he should run, and should make his candidacy known sooner rather than later.

So basically, what Mark Cuban did was write a PR blog for Michael Bloomberg, while trashing the other candidates based on lies, while hiding his true agenda. Because Cuban isn’t so much ignorant, just exceedingly intellectually dishonest, it seems.

In the end, it just makes me realize that I don’t really like Cuban. Because unethical liars are just unlikable. Even from afar.

–WKW

Crossposted at Shakesville