The U.S. must racially profile old white guys that hate taxes

My friends, we live in a dangerous time of social and cultural revolution. And those revolutions have turned political, meaning the very fate of the United States is in the balance.

That is why we must learn from terrorists like Andrew Joseph Stack. We must not allow these type of people to again get through our guard. I speak of aging white guys who hate taxes. They will take us all down in a blood-splattered massacre and have us kneeling to the West praying to their God if they could.

And that is the truly frightening part – they have enormous numbers. You can’t swing a stunned ferret without smacking one of them. They’re easy to spot – they are white, with no discernible ethnicity aside from color. They are pissed off. Constantly. They are not young.

Look around. There are probably a couple near you as you read this very sentence. Don’t stare.

While the United States has the world’s largest military by far and could pulverize the world right now if it was how we rolled, it is not without its weaknesses. A nation as large and diverse as the United States is not able to be defended from threats inside and out. Which is why we must start being wiser.

Because while the U.S. is on the lookout for every Muhammad, Ahmed and Hamid, it is truly every Tom Dick, and in this case, Joe that we have to fear.

Think about it – not only did Stack manage to get a plane and the ability to fly it into buildings, he did so without landing on anyone’s radar. It was a security breakdown of Apocalyptic proportions.

This is why I believe that aging white guys pissed off about their taxes have become the most dangerous sector of society. It is time we take notice.

The U.S. government must start racially profiling these angry white men before we lose everything. To ignore this truth is to make the Constitution a suicide pack.

The Founding Fathers didn’t create the great experiment known as the United States of America just so some angry white guys who hate paying taxes could screw it all up. This is a fight for survival. It’s time to take the fight to them.

–WKW

America disconnected

The disconnect never fails to amaze me. Death on a personal level is a heart-wrenching, life-altering affair. The recovery is a long process, filled with grief. Losing a loved one stays with you until you finally join them. But being part of the machine that gives others the same grief on a spectacular level has little to no effect.

I’d like to say I brim with outrage every time I see mention of civilian casualties during war time. I’d like to say I vehemently protest each unmanned drone that takes out a village along with a terrorist, leaving carnage and heartache in its wake.

But I can’t. I’m American. The numbness I feel for the death of the loved ones of others is a void in my humanity. I can create the rage, using logic and compassion to seethe at the ease of which my country brings death to others, but on a day-to-day level, it barely registers. And of this I know I am not alone. I know that even some fervent anti-war Americans struggle with the ability to emotionally comprehend what our government does in the name of national security. Because while there are those that feel the pain and tirelessly fight to end it, the vast majority remain disconnected.

The fervor for war with Iraq went from maelstrom to malaise to mocking in relatively short order, essentially due to illogical nature of it and overt pressure placed upon the American people to support it. But by the time more voices joined the ant-war crusade, the carnage was in full swing.

And it still hasn’t ended. In Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Yemen, and who knows where else, our military is bringing death home to countless families. And in return, countless Americans are dealing with the grief of losing their own family members.

But death becomes us. We incinerated Tokyo. We vaporized Hiroshima and Nagasaki. We pulverized Vietnam. And we burned down Dresden. So it goes.

And through it all, we remain the good guys in our hearts. We remain morally superior. We are Americans and we are exceptional. Ask the corpses and broken families.

Because of this unholy disconnect, we will continue to kill. Those who make these types of decisions want nothing more than to unleash our military machine against Iran. With no lessons learned from our forays into the Middle East, and no connection to the dead and grieving, there remains an exceedingly good chance it will happen. It will be for national security. Because two oceans, a chilling nuclear arsenal and the largest military in the history of humankind cannot protect us from two-bit, sabre-rattling dictators. Only raining death upon its innocent citizens can save us now.

We are a nation at war. And we always have been. Let there be no disconnect – as an American, we are warriors. We leave families destroyed and bodies mangled. We take lives, then change the channel. But the outrage will be there and it will grow. If not from Americans who take lives, than from others whose lives we have destroyed.

And that destruction is occurring as you read this. And those of us Americans who have suffered a loss of a loved one need to connect to those who are feeling that same pain. Because those deaths and that suffering are directly connected to each and every one of us.

–WKW

Republicans want to save oppressed Iranians – or kill them; Whatever works

As Iran is in the midst of severe domestic turmoil and an uprising of its populace, Senate Republicans are prepared to do whatever it takes to save the brave American populace from the clutches of evil dictator President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and his boss, the Iranian Supreme leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. Because for them, the situation in Iran has aways been about democracy.

A new bill brought forward by Republican Senator John McCain and Neo-Conservative Senator Joe Lieberman looks to target Iranians involved in rights abuses with sanctions like asset freezes or a ban on U.S travel. The bill also calls for President Barack Obama to create a public list of rights abusers and/or their enablers, according to McCain’s office.

“Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran,” said McCain, in a show of support to the democracy-hungry Iranian citizens. Lieberman was equally enthusiastic.

“The Iranian government, by its actions, has all but declared war on us and our allies in the Middle East,” said Lieberman.

A different bill from Republican Senators John Cornyn and Sam Brownback would offer non-military aid to Iranian democratic opposition groups and humanitarian aid to “victims of the current regime,” their offices said.

“The F-22 program is important to our national security because we’re not just fighting wars in Afghanistan and Iraq,” said Cornyn. “We have graver threats and greater threats than that: From a rising India, with increased exercise of their military power; Russia; Iran, that’s threatening to build a nuclear weapon; with North Korea, shooting intercontinental ballistic missiles, capable of hitting American soil.”

Brownback agreed.

“In the global war on the cancer of terrorism, our next strategic, surgical focus needs to be Iran,” Brownback said.

It remains to be seen if either of these bills will gain traction in Washington. Just know that Republicans care about the Iranian people. They care enough to help. Or to kill them. Whatever it takes.

–WKW

Osama bin Laden – Tree hugger

There was a time not long ago that Osama bin Laden was the world’s most feared man. The 9/11 mastermind was “Wanted: Dead or Alive.” He was the devil incarnate.

Now, he’s an environmentalist. From the Washington Post:

CAIRO — Al-Qaida leader Osama bin Laden has called in a new audiotape for the world to boycott American goods and the U.S. dollar, blaming the United States and other industrialized countries for global warming.

In the tape, aired in part on Al-Jazeera television Friday, bin Laden warns of the dangers of climate change and says that the way to stop it is to bring “the wheels of the American economy” to a halt.

He says the world should “stop consuming American products” and “refrain from using the dollar,” according to a transcript on Al-Jazeera’s Web site.

The new message, whose authenticity could not immediately be confirmed, comes after a bin Laden tape released last week in which he endorsed a failed attempt to blow up an American airliner on Christmas Day.

Soon, bin Laden will be complaining about Tiger Woods’ affairs, Heidi Montag’s plastic surgery and debating the outcome of the Super Bowl. He’s becoming Americanized. And in doing so, his videos have devolved into Greenpeace presentations.

Still, one would hope that someday John McCain will share his foolproof plan to catch bin Laden. McCain does have a re-election campaign coming up, so maybe this is the year he’ll share his plans with Barack Obama and the U.S. military.

–WKW

Just don’t

Please don’t …

… leave $1 million worth of stuff in your car, like Usher.

… get too clever with a “Got Milk” ad with Rebecca Romijn.

… let Harold Ford fool you.

… eat too much salt.

… pay attention to the Dutch.

… try and pretend you’re Amish.

… forget Haiti.

–WKW

Being brave means people will try and kill you

If you’re a writer or artist, and you want to fit the requirements of being “brave”,”it means that it’s possible someone will try and kill you with an Ax.

And if you live in a country that’s in a war, being brave means someone will try and kill you with a bomb.

It’s not that difficult really. Just stop watering down what “brave”really means.

-WKW

U.S. Officials: “Happy New Year” greeting originated in Yemen

ITALY – Blogger William K. Wolfrum today sent Happy New Years greetings to all his friends, family and readers. Upon hearing this news, U.S. officials quickly surmised that the greeting likely originated in Yemen.

“At this point it may be too early to tell, but we have it on good authority that the New Years greetings in question more than likely originated in Yemen,” said an anonymous U.S. official. “Al Qaeda has a stronghold in Yemen, and the recent attempted terrorist attack came from someone in Yemen. Yemen.”

Wolfrum, reportedly on vacation, has denied any connection to Yemen, and has admitted only to struggling to find the apostrophe key on an Italian keyboard, thus forcing him to try and write everything sans apostrophes.

“It is a real pain in the ass, let me tell all of you,” said Wolfrum.

U.S. officials responded by saying it is well known that Yemen is a growing terrorist stronghold that rarely used apostrophes.

“Yemen,” said the official.

Nonetheless, Wolfrum was adamant about getting his greetings out.

“I wish all of you a Happy New Year, and hope that 2010 is a wonderful year for you all, in every way imaginable,” said Wolfrum.

–WKW

Obama to keep U.S. on the comforting road of war

Today, Barack Obama told the world that more U.S. soldiers are heading to Afghanistan. The move was of historical importance, as it made Obama the 11th President of the last 13 to either start a war, or escalate one.

So whether you like Obama’s plan for Afghanistan or not, just know that no action would lead him right down the roads of Gerald Ford and Jimmy Carter. Those two have succinctly proven that we have no business giving peace a chance.

–WKW

Mission Accomplished

If ever there was a time for Neo-Con jingoistic pride, that time is now. Because whatever happens now on the ground in Iraq is superfluous. The Invasion of Iraq has been won. We got their oil.

AMERICAN energy giant ExxonMobil and Europe-based Shell have won the right to develop one of the world’s most prized untapped oil reserves.

The $US50 billion ($A55 billion) deal will place them among the largest players in postwar Iraq.

The energy companies were awarded the contract to extract oil from the West Qurna reservoir near Basra in Iraq’s south in an extended tender process that has seen the Iraqi Government partner foreign companies in a bid to get its reserves of oil out of the ground as quickly and cheaply as possible. West Qurna was considered the jewel among the nine Iraqi oil and gas fields up for grabs, with verified reserves of 15 billion barrels and a strong chance that exploration will reveal significantly more.

To quote the fake pundit Martin Eisenstadt: “Thank you to all who sacrificed so much.”

–WKW

Karzai retains Presidency, names Andre Agassi new Afghanistan Drug Czar

AFGHANISTAN – Proud Afghans stood outside the home of Hamid Karzai this morning, cheering the re-election of the Afghanistan President after Afghan officials canceled Saturday’s run-off presidential vote following the withdrawal from the race of the last challenger, Abdullah Abdullah.

Shouting slogans like “Yes We Can,” “Change we can believe in,” and “Can your brother score me a dime bag?” Karzai supporters partied into the early hours of the morning, celebrating the victory. In a brief statement, Karzai applauded his supporters’ help.

“Without you voting, we could never have changed you votes,” said Karzai. “Your support has been vital, especially those of you that voted several hundred times.”

Dr. Abdullah, who dropped out of the race Sunday, called the election a “victory for Democracy that sets Afghanistan on the path to liberty and freedom.”

“Mmmphh, grrsszz, bbllpphhhh,” said Abdullah with a gun lodged firmly between his teeth. “Brrrrkks. Brrrvvll, gaaaa.”

Karzai was quick to make changes to his cabinet, naming former tennis superstar Andre Agassi as his new “Drug Czar.”

“Anyone who can win the U.S. Open while hopped up on Meth is the perfect addition to my cabinet,” said Karzai. “He will work closely with my brother on drug issues.”

Karzai’s victory was also a victory for the United States Central Intelligence Agency, which devised the political strategy that led Karzai to his win.

“This is part of our ‘permanent American Majority’ plan,” said CIA Director Leon Panetta. “By playing all sides of this election, we were able to get the result we wanted, at the low price of 833 U.S. troops. It’s a proud day, indeed.”

Critics of the controversial election were generally quiet and mostly duct-taped to chairs in undisclosed locations. American critics on both the left and the right were also quiet about Karzai’s victory, preferring to focus instead on the more Twitter-friendly issue of Iran’s election fraud.

“Ahmadinejad’s so-called victory goes against all democratic principles,” said U.S. Sen. Joe Lieberman, pointing out that Twitterers save seven character spaces by focusing on Iran. “Unless Iran can be democratic, we must consider a first-strike attack or at least keep the U.S. from receiving health care to showcase the plight of Iranians.”

–WKW

No time for DADT: Obama Administration too busy not pushing public option, not investigating torture

The Obama Administration, which has been busy being malleable on the Public Option for Health care reform, avoiding investigating war crimes, and giving banks trillions, just doesn’t have the time to deal with “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”

Jones said Obama “has an awful lot on his desk. I know this is an issue that he intends to take on at the appropriate time. And he has already signaled that to the Defense Department. The Defense Department is doing the things it has to do to prepare, but at the right time, I’m sure the president will take it on.”

As a candidate, Obama signaled support for repealing the law. To the disappointment of gay-rights supporters, he has yet to made a move since taking office in January. The White House has said it will not stop the military from dismissing gays and lesbians who acknowledge their sexuality.

As John Aravosis said:

Apparently, General Jones would have us believe that President Obama wasn’t aware that we were fighting wars in Iraq and Afghanistan when he promised to lift the gay ban during the campaign in exchange for our votes. So, Jones tells us today, Obama can’t get to that particular promise right now because he’s busy fighting wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Uh huh.

So when exactly are both of those wars going to be over? I’m guessing some time after Obama leaves office. And that of course assumes that we don’t have more wars to “distract” the president.

Don’t fret, my LGBT friends, Obama may eventually get around to giving you the same rights I have. He’s just really busy not getting his agenda passed for now.

–WKW

Billionaire Rupert Murdoch is at War! Also, U.S. troops killed in Afghanistan

Rupert Murdoch biographer Michael Wolff penned a love story to Murdoch at Vanity Fair, pointing out that Murdoch is a warrior, among other things:

War is Rupert Murdoch’s natural state. When he launched the Fox Broadcasting Company, in October 1986, he went to war against the hegemony of CBS, ABC, and NBC. With Fox News he crossed swords with CNN’s Ted Turner. At Sky, his satellite-TV system in the U.K., he went up against the BBC. He’s battled China, the F.C.C., the print unions in Great Britain, and, recently, most of the journalism community in his takeover of The Wall Street Journal. He relishes conflict and doesn’t back down—one reason why he’s won so many of his fights and so profoundly changed the nature of his industry.

Now he’s going to war with the Internet.

In other news around the globe:

The Taliban is claiming responsibility for attacks on a pair of remote outposts in Afghanistan yesterday that killed eight U.S. soldiers.

But let us not forget that Rupert Murdoch is a brave warrior at war. He’s trying to charge for Internet content, after all.

–WKW

Oh yeah, the U.S. is at war. Twice

… The U.S. is currently fighting two simultaneous wars. Forgot about that. At least it’s still getting coverage. After all, cable news giant CNN.com mentions the word “Iraq” once on it’s front page. And Fox News mentions Afghanistan once. Those blasted liberals at MSNBC.com seem to have noticed that we’re at war, though.

But at very least, CNN and Fox News are both doing a heckuva job reporting on Iran. But, hey, we all know the build-up to war is far more interesting than the wars themselves.

–WKW

Seven years, 11 months, four days

Eight years ago, Americans learned the realities of war. Seven years, 11 months and four days ago, Americans learned that their government doesn’t care much when those realities are unleashed on others.

–WKW

One-Liner: The quiet good bye

For all the column inches and TV time given to promoting the need to attack Iraq, the beginning of the (sort of) pull out of U.S. troops from Iraq has been met with the resounding sound of crickets from the U.S. media.

–WKW

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