William K. Wolfrum Chronicles

Do you like Reality TV? Do you think that the main problem with reality shows is that there’s just not enough cartoon-like violence? Well have I got something for you: Reality Rumble.

Let me give you the short answer for what Reality Rumble is: Realty TV stars and pro wrestlers coming together to beat the holy hell out of each other. For charitable causes.

It just doesn’t get any better than that.

On Sunday, Oct. 5 at the Spotswood High School Gym in Penn Laird, Virginia, Reality Rumble II will take place, and fans will see the continuing evolution of entertainment and wrestling. Such reality superstars as Survivor’s Rupert Boneham, Cao Boi and Flicka will battle with and alongside such notable wrestling stars as Doink the Clown.

Started by Chris Dodson, a football and basketball coach at Spotswood High School, and professional wrestler Tim Lawler, Reality Rumble is a nonprofit fundraising organization and Sunday will be just the second running, but it is quickly looking like an event that could become a cottage industry, as several other cities in the U.S. are looking at hosting their own Reality Rumble.

Dodson, who spends his days teaching disabled children, said the idea of Reality Rumble seemed like a perfect way to combine all the things he loves.

“I was a reality TV fan and a pro wrestling fan, said Dodson. “The reality stars are so reachable and have huge hearts. My kids don’t get to go to big shows like this and we are able to provide a disability friendly atmosphere that allowed our families to have a great time.”

Dodson, who gets in on the wrestling action himself, said that he previously knew Lawler and that the wrestling legend quickly came aboard the Reality Rumble concept.

“Tim and I actually wrestled against each other a few times and when I came up with the idea he jumped on board with foot feet and has never slowed down,” said Dodson. “I have a lot of reality contacts and have been to the Survivor Finale several times. Every one seems to just like the idea and they love how Tim gets everyone’s names out there for all to see.”

Perhaps not shockingly, Dodson and Lawler found it fairly easy to attract both wrestlers and reality stars for the premier event, as Survivor’s Johnny Fairplay and Billy Garcia were headliners. For Dodson, Reality Rumble has been a perfect way to combine his true loves - sports, reality TV, and helping children with disabilities. All proceeds from the event go to local special-needs children. Because while Dodson never thought he’d have a career working with special-needs children, he has found it to be the perfect fit.

“It was a stroke of luck I was asked to help in a class for a little one year. I fell in love with it and never left,” said Dodson. “We teach Social Skills, Daily Living Skills, Academic Skills, Pre-Vocational Skills, we do Physical Therapy, and Lots of Community Based Experiences. Mostly we try to give our students a better quality of life.”

Many years ago, the comic Stephen Wright said that he wished that the “Battle of the Network Stars” was fought with guns. Reality Rumble may be the current evolution of that dream. Where else will you get to see Rupert and Cao Boi fight Doink the Clown? Make no mistake, Reality Rumble is filling a void in American entertainment. Now can we not just admire reality stars, we can also root them on in an all-out brawl.

With the spirit of a big Wrestling show, replete with models and live music, Reality Rumble is not to be missed if you’re in Virginia this weekend. And if you can’t make it to Reality Rumble II, don’t worry, more are on their way. And take it from Dodson, it’s an event that is to be experienced.

“If you get a chance check one out, it is a blast,” said Dodson.

You got it, Coach. Keep up the good work.

For more information Reality Rumble, visit their Web site here, or contact them.

–WKW

After watching the Vice-Presidential Debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin, and then watching the Political Entertainers spin it this way and that, one overriding opinion has settled into my mind: Can we stop acting like ordinary, “Joe Sixpack” types have all the answers and would be perfectly capable of running the country?

Hear me out, here. Because I include myself among those who have no business being President. But after hearing Palin being praised for her down-home style, I just can’t stand by quietly while Americans are being told that Bob the butcher or Carol the mechanic could run the country just as well as someone with an “elite” education, or someone who has dedicated their lives to public service.

I’ve spent my whole life with normal Americans. And by that I mean white, black, Asian, Hispanic, Hindu, Muslim, straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, the transgendered, church-goers, atheists, single, married, in a relationship or not, etc. Just normal folks trying to get by and trying to have pleasant lives. We are the backbone of the country. When foreigners talk about how they like Americans but dislike our government, the Americans in question are us. We are good people.

But let me tell you, I don’t want to see any of us run the entire country. We can run families and businesses, but running the United States of America is just something that’s beyond us. And we need to accept that and look for someone better than us to run the country.

And when Palin spoke of being from “Main Street Wasilla,” my blood ran cold.

Let me just tell you something about Alaska that no one seems to want to mention - a large percentage of the Alaskan population are people who just didn’t fit in where they were born. Alaska is the final frontier for those who just don’t mesh with ordinary society. There are thousands of people in Alaska right now who are there because they finally said the six magic words: “Screw it, let’s move to Alaska.”

And let me tell you, I fit in great up there. But if you want to think that folks from “Main Street Wasilla” are the same as people from “Main Street Cleveland,” well, you are sorely mistaken. If you ever meet someone from Wasilla, you’ll have two feelings - you’ll like them, and you’ll be happy they aren’t President. Ok, maybe three feelings, because you’ll also be a little freaked out at how militantly religious they are.

Look what happened when the media convinced Americans that George W. Bush was just a normal guy you can have a beer with, not just an incompetent blue blood. Both Al Gore and John Kerry were far too educated to be President. But we could relate to the kid that had pissed away every opportunity he had been given at birth.

My friends, I am one of you, and I say this with no malice whatsoever - You are not up to the job of running the country, and voting for someone who “relates to you” is just madness. Presidenting is hard. It’s a job that requires someone with education, experience and drive at the highest of levels. Saying “doggone it” is not a qualification to be the leader of the most complex nation in the history of the world.

So, to all of you Joe and Jane Sixpacks out there, let me just say I’m honored to have known as many of you as I have. You are the salt of the Earth and all that. But you have no business being President and you should recognize that a politician that’s trying to relate to you is either a liar from the get-go, or terribly unprepared to be a national leader.

Let’s vote for the educated, thoughtful people this time around. We don’t need to fear them. And it should just make no difference whether you want to have a beer with them or not.

–WKW

A key word for Sarah Palin at VP her debate with Joe Biden was “tolerant.” And, wow, it didn’t come out forced at all (insert “eyerolling” emoticon here).

–WKW

Wolf Blitzer and John King are on CNN right now discussing Glenn Beck’s opinions.

Why is it that when Joe Biden occasionally goes against the party line, he’s a gaffe machine, but when John McCain occasionally does it, he’s a reforming maverick?

–WKW

My fellow Americans,

Despite often referring to myself as a satirist, I readily admit I’m not the best, and will even go as far as saying that I sometimes don’t even fully understand satirical techniques. Nonetheless, I feel it is necessary for me to come forward and make this claim: Now is a dangerous and frightening time for American satirists and we need massive government intervention to keep from becoming completely extinct.

Basically, satirists these days are forced to become absurdists in order to try and ply their craft. We are forced to go far and beyond the surrealist reality we are now faced with and include things like Space Monkeys and Bigfoots in our material, otherwise our material will read like normal news reports. And as any good satirist will tell you, once you start working Space Monkeys into your work, it’s only a matter of time before you start trying to sell people on Thetans.

This is why I request a Reality Bailout of the struggling satire industry. We are at the precipice here, people, and we’re looking at a world where those like Michael Medved and Glenn Beck will soon be considered “Master Satirists.” Just one look at recent developments shows the true depth of the crisis:

• Sarah Palin was blessed by a witch hunter and believes it helped her political career.
• Political entertainer Rush Limbaugh actually said this: “The US Constitution has been abrogated and is being tossed overboard section by section by the Democrat Party and the American left.”
• Radio entertainer Mark Levin actually said this: “The liberal uses crises, real or manufactured, to expand the power of government at the expense of the individual and private property. He has spent, in earnest, 70 years evading the Constitution’s limits on governmental power.”

Make no mistake, the United States is currently knee-deep in a massive satirical crisis and the only way to fix it is to dump a huge amount of reality into the narrative. But even in the midst of an satirical existential threat, Conservative entertainers are continuing to push the dialogue further and further right to a level of surrealism that Kafka would have been ashamed to attempt. Just yesterday, popular Right-Wing Political Entertainer Hugh Hewitt asked questions like this to Sarah Palin …

“Governor, your candidacy has ignited extreme hostility, even some hatred on the left and in some parts of the media. Are you surprised? And what do you attribute this reaction to?”

… then Hewitt went on Fox News and boasted about his Fair and Balanced interview of the GOP Vice-Presidential nominee. This is not just a Reality Crisis. We are actually running a Reality Deficit.

My friends, it is time for us to come together in the spirit of non-partisanship. We need Congress to come together as one and pass strong and decisive legislation that will help restart the flow of reality, so American families can meet their daily needs of realism and American satirists can meet their payrolls. We need to make clear that the United States is serious about restoring reality throughout our national dialogue.

Thank you, and always remember: We come against the spirit of witchcraft. We come against the python spirits.

–WKW

Jenny McCarthy has flown passed the designation of “concerned and loving Mom,” and moved on to the new designation of “reckless and dangerous pseudoscientist.”

Watch her interview with CNN below. While you watch it, think about the debates you’ve seen come from the likes of 9/11 Truthers. Note that McCarthy has absolutely no evidence to back any of her claims that vaccines cause autism, and then reacts angrily and dismissively to the evidence against her case. And wraps the whole thing in an “Evil Big Pharma” bow:

Every proper study ever done on vaccinations has shown that there is no connection whatsoever with vaccines and autism. Jenny McCarthy’s claims that vaccines caused her son to have autism and that she cured it by giving him vitamins and a better diet are just plain nonsense. There is equal real evidence that haircuts cause acne as there is for vaccines causing autism.

If some type of real scientific evidence appears that shows a connection between autism and vaccines, I’ll publicly apologize to McCarthy. But every last scrap of real evidence proves that McCarthy’s strongly held views on the subject are dangerous and are putting children at risk.

Jenny McCarthy has every right to spew any pseudoscience she wants. But I have every right - and a hell of a lot more real evidence - to say that she’s completely full of crap.

–WKW

Analyzing the U.S. financial crisis, one conclusion jumps out at you - no one knows what the hell they’re talking about. In fact, after a week of diverse opinions on the massive bailout bill, apparently just one consensus has emerged - using the term “bailout” was a bad idea.

So let’s fix that right now - call it a Financial Surge. Everyone loves a good surge these days, and if word choice is what’s holding things up in Washington, let’s glamor it up. Call it a “Patriot Surge” if that works better.

Because after listening to the debate about whether the U.S. government should bail out the financial industry, it’s become clear that they need to pass something. Wall Street and the nation’s lenders will hold the U.S. hostage until something drastic is done. It is time to negotiate with the financial terrorists that threaten to drive the entire economy into the ground. It’s time to meet their demands.

This may come off as defeatist, and that’s probably because it is. But looking at the best arguments for not bailing out the financial industry, one is left feeling even more defeated.

“When the government fails to pass a socialism bill and the market goes south, let it go south. I don’t want to pass a socialism bill just to protect the stock market,” said Rush Limbaugh.

Now, let’s bypass the fact that modern Americans don’t have the foggiest clue about what socialism is and move on to the more important factor - Americans are just not ready for a Great Depression. While it sounds quite ideologically brave for rich people to pronounce that they’re willing to let the market work itself out by collapsing and rebuilding, it’s also nonsensical grandstanding.

At this point in history, many Americans can barely deal with not having a Starbucks within walking distance. We can’t handle long lines at Wal-Mart, let alone long soup lines. And for Americans already in terrible financial turmoil or living lives of poverty, the entire national financial crisis is just periphery to them. Their lives aren’t going to be getting much better or worse regardless of what Congress does or doesn’t do. The only way they’ll be affected is to have more peers.

Finally, why is everyone suddenly worried about $700 billion? As of September 2008, the total U.S. federal debt was approximately $9.7 trillion. The U.S. sent pallets of cash to Iraq, which mostly disappeared. We spend $10 billion on wars that no one even bothers reporting on any more. We can stop acting like $700 billion really matters. It’s just a number, and it’s not like there’s anything there that backs that money up, anyway. Think of it as Monopoly money if that makes it easier.

Basically, my main reasoning for supporting the bail out is that Christmas is right around the corner. With or without government action, the economy is going south. With a bailout, we can all enjoy the holidays and pretend nothing’s wrong for a little longer. Then many Americans can get back to being slowly acclimated to lives of poverty, rather than being thrust into it all at once.

Call it a Financial Surge, meet Wall Street’s ransom demands and just move on. It really won’t make a difference in the long run one way or another.

–WKW

Ah, the right-wingers are left to fight amongst themselves. It would be a lot more fun if so many of them would rather have the nation completely collapse rather than give an inch on their ideologies.

From Crooks & Liars:

I haven’t had a chance to post about the Billo/Levin War until now. This whole bail out mess has really upset the equilibrium everywhere. Bill O’Reilly (audio) actually attacked his fellow right wing talk show hosts for being against the bail out.

“It gets me angry,” said O’Reilly. “I do talk radio and most talk radio is conservative-dominated ideologues; Kool-Aid drinking idiots. Idiots. Screaming at you that this is socialism, this is this, this is that. ‘It’s Clinton’s fault.’ It’s Clinton’s fault? He hasn’t been in office in 8 years. It’s Bush’s fault! It happened under Bush’s watch.”

But then O’Reilly’s tirade seemed to aim at Rush Limbaugh-without actually naming him.

“But let’s get back to this talk radio stuff,” said O’Reilly. “These idiots. I mean, they’re misleading you. They’re lying to you. They’re rich, these guys. Big cigars. All of that. ‘Yeah, oh yeah, my private jet!’ And they’re saying, ‘Oh, no! No bail out!’ Uh, uh, no way!

“Hey! You’re going to get it, not them!” O’Reilly continued. “That foreign investment pulls out, we are toast! And they’ll pull out if this bailout doesn’t happen. Are you getting the message here? Walk away from these liars, these right-wing liars. Walk away from them! They’re not looking out for you.”

Mark Levin didn’t like that one bit and actually brought up BillO’s sexual harassment suit. Wow!

“And I’m not talking to some of you backbenchers, and you know who I mean,” said Levin. “These blowhards. You get arrogant, stupid people who get paid a lot of money to be on radio and TV to be arrogant and stupid. And one of them, one of them is on the Fox News Channel, my favorite cable channel. And he has a fledgling radio show that has no ratings, and he’ll be off radio soon because he’s a failure. It’s the non-factor: Bill O’Reilly.

“And he is no conservative,” said Levin. “He’s another mainstream, moron, phony journalist. That’s what he is. And, oh, jealous like hell of Rush Limbaugh. Did you notice that? The cigar and the airplane? Let me tell you something else, jerk. You can’t hold a candle to him.” Your ratings suck.”

“You paid more in hush money for your little phone sex than I’ve ever earned.”

Listen to them go at it. The right-wing zanies are going Lord of the Flies on us.

–WKW

That awful liberal media, always setting traps for John McCain and Sarah Palin. The latest example of “Gotcha Journalism” comes at an economic forum, where clever and deceitful journalists let McCain believe Venezuela was in the Middle East:

If the liberal media would just translate McCain correctly and stop just reporting what he says, the McCain campaign would skyrocket.

–WKW