Today in History: First Mate Crunch

Born on this date in 1667, First Mate was the highest position ever attained by Sir Arturo Felipe Crunch. He was only promoted by the British Navy to the position of Cap’n posthumously following his tragic death aboard the HMS Eagle during the Scilly Navel Disaster of 1707.

Crunch left a wife and four children.

-WKW

Letter to the Editor: That thug deserved it

Sir,

When I first heard of the appalling actions that took place last week, I was outraged. How could a seemingly innocent man be killed by the authorities in such a callous way? How could such a killing take place?

After some time, however, the facts became clear - the young man who was killed was just asking for it. Yes, I said it, it was the thug-like actions of Jesus Christ that led to his killing.

This Christ fellow spent his time wandering the streets, talking loud and with his robe riding far too low. He was always surrounded by a gang of like-minded thugs who would bully people wherever they went. Essentially, they were a gang of thugs who were wandering the streets stealing and destroying property.

Did you hear about what happened in the temple? My heart is broken for these poor money changers who were just trying to make a living. But an angry Christ came in and destroyed everything they had worked so hard to accomplish.

And what about the wine, fishes and loaves of bread that Jesus supposedly “conjured up?” Most likely, Jesus and his band of thieves stole that food and gave it to other thieves. His supporters will say all kind of things, and the liberal press will eat it up. But think of the poor, poor small business owners who have suffered because of the lawless action of these thugs.

Life should be cherished. But in the case of this Jesus person, he got what he deserved. If you’re going to live like a thug, prepare to die like one. I say crucify the lot of them.

Sincerely,

Vinicius Lauten

February 2, 32.

-WKW