Breaking: Khalid Sheikh Mohammed breaks out of Guantanamo, defeats U.S. military, enslaves American public

February 1, 2010 by  

NEW YORK - In a shocking development, arch-terrorist Khalid Sheikh Mohammed broke out of Guantanamo Prison today, personally defeated the entire U.S. military, overthrew the U.S. Government and forced all Americans to abide by Sharia Law.

“We told you so,” said a crying Sean Hannity, a snot bubble coming from his nose. “Obama!!!!!!”

Details of the break out are still sketchy, but eyewitnesses are confirming that KSM used “some type of type of dark magic to turn into an undefeatable terrorist Godzilla.”

The break out and and corresponding overthrow proves that panicked U.S. politicians were correct that KSM should not have been given a trial in New York City. Previously, many believed that said politicians were just a sniveling bunch of cowards still eager to politicize terrorism.

“Thank God he was never transfered to New York,” said New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg. “This could have been really bad.”

Before the bloody, one-man destruction of the United States, the U.S. Congress had stated that they would deny any federal funds for trying KSM in a federal court of law.

“This is really dangerous nonsense,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. “We have a way to do it, Interrogate them, detain them, and try them in military commissions offshore at Guantanamo from which no one has ever escaped.”

McConnell added that people like Ronald Reagan who supported giving terrorists federal trials “just don’t understand the threats America faces.”

Still, while the nation is now in complete disarray and chaos, some Conservatives have hailed the new rule of their Islamic Overlord.

“Finally, this nation has someone who will lead it in a moral, strong-fisted way,” said Muhammad Rashii-Limbaugh - formerly known as Rush Limbaugh. “Praise Allah.”



3 Responses to “Breaking: Khalid Sheikh Mohammed breaks out of Guantanamo, defeats U.S. military, enslaves American public”

  1. dgun on February 1st, 2010 7:09 am

    Power by fear is just too easy. Assholes like Mitch McConnell just don’t want to give it up.

    I heard him this morning trashing the FBI agents who interrogated the underwear bomber. My question is, what does Mitch McConnell have against the brave men and women who put their life on the line to serve our country as law enforcement officers?

    Why is he calling our people incompetent?

    All of the sudden, we should throw away our judicial system, marginalize the FBI’s expertise, and ignore the fundamental premise our nation was founded on. I call cowardly bullshit on all of it.

    byw, the American judicial system predates the founding of our nation and has been around much longer than our military institutions. If I had to pick one I trust more with trials and such, I would have to go with the judicial system.

  2. Brian Patrick O'Malley on February 1st, 2010 9:11 am

    Amazing article. The headline and the graphic say it all! Well done.

  3. Barack Obama decides to shoot Khalid Sheik Mohammed in head just to be on safe side « Equal Rights For All « William K. Wolfrum Chronicles on March 5th, 2010 9:15 am

    [...] “Khalid Sheik Mohammed is evil incarnate, and he must be dealt with in a way that will protect our citizens,”said Obama. “Therefore, I will bi-partisanly blow his brains out myself.” [...]

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