Christian Warrior Gary Brooks Faulkner fails to behead Osama bin Laden

June 15, 2010 by  

We Americans are an independent people with a do-it-yourself attitude. And no one proves that more than Gary Brooks Faulkner. The 50-ish American - armed with a pistol, 40-inch sword, night-vision goggles and book of Christian verses - went to Pakistan on a one-man mission to behead Osama bin Laden.

“God is with me, and I am confident I will be successful in killing him,” Faulkner said.

And it would have all worked out perfectly if not for those meddling Pakistani police. From the Guardian:

An American carrying a sword and pistol who told police he was on a mission to kill Osama bin Laden has been arrested in a remote mountain forest in northern Pakistan.

Police said they detained Gary Brooks Faulkner, a construction worker from California, as he attempted to cross the border with Afghanistan in Chitral district.

“He told the investigating officer he was going to Afghanistan to get Osama. At first we thought he was mentally deranged,” said Muhammad Jaffar Khan, the Chitral police chief.

But when police realised he was carrying a loaded pistol, a 40in sword and night-vision goggles, Khan said, “we realised he was serious”.

Note to Pakistani police: Trust your first instinct. More …

He went missing on Sunday night and slipped away from his guard and headed towards an exclusion area around the Afghan border, which is unmarked and largely unmanned.

“We had to stop him for his own safety. Foreigners are not allowed to visit that area,” said Khan, the police chief.

He initially resisted arrest, threatening to fire on police, and later told interrogators he was going to Nuristan “to decapitate Osama bin Laden”, Dawn newspaper reported.

So sadly, bin Laden walks about the hills with noggin firmly in place. But don’t blame Gary Brooks Faulkner. He tried. Now we just need a few more “mentally deranged” Christian Warriors to go finish the job.



One Response to “Christian Warrior Gary Brooks Faulkner fails to behead Osama bin Laden”

  1. B.A. Mother on June 15th, 2010 5:46 am

    So are we to assume then If it were someone supposedly responsible for killing a bunch of athiest homosexual behaved like the author of this column, appears to be, there’d be no athiest homosexuals that would give a damn cause they all think they’re too sane?

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