Paul Ryan announces large charitable donation to ‘The Human Fund’

October 16, 2012 by  

WASHINGTON — Stung by criticism over using a soup kitchen for a staged photo op that showed him washing dishes that were already clean, Vice-Presidential candidate Paul Ryan has announced he will be making a large donation to the Human Fund.

“I understand the outrage some feel over the soup kitchen incident, and I want to show all Americans that in my heart, I am a charitable person,” said Ryan. “This donation should really make people forget that other stuff.”

The Human Fund was created in 1997 from a grant from Kruger Industrial Smoothing. While records of its charitable giving are sketchy, the organization contends it provides “Money for People.” Despite the fact that the Human Fund is connected to the controversial holiday Festivus, Ryan said he was proud to support the charity.

“While I can’t say I celebrate Festivus, I must say the ‘Feats of Strength’ part of the holiday intrigues me,” said Ryan. “Just this morning I did 1,300 sit-ups in 15 minutes and then lifted 100 pounds right over my head like it was nothing.”

The director of the Human Fund, one G. Costanza of New York City, could not be reached for comment for this article.



2 Responses to “Paul Ryan announces large charitable donation to ‘The Human Fund’”

  1. Michael on October 16th, 2012 6:14 am

    Geez, how incompetent do you have to be to screw up volunteering in a soup kitchen? Seriously. I mean, it’s almost like they’re trying to make the worst possible decisions ever, in preparation for whatever candidate they throw out in 2016. Then people will say, “Well, that guy is clearly an idiot, but at least he’s mildly better than Romney/Ryan. Those guys were ridiculous.”

  2. Cthulhu on October 17th, 2012 5:21 am

    Michael, the first rule of life is to show up. And Ryan even managed to screw THAT up.

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