Wolfrum Chronicled: What Is Real?

June 1, 2013 by  

10.

Look: I quit taking Paxil last week. Ok, let me rephrase that – I’ve been taking Paxil about 10 years ago for a panic disorder. This week, I finally decided I was done with it. While it has done its job in controlling panic attacks, it has left me about as dull and shiftless as a man can be.

Of course, one of the great secrets of Paxil is that – despite denials from Smith-Glaxo – quitting Paxil leaves one with a wide array of withdrawal symptoms. Imagine sticking your head underwater while riding a roller coaster after smoking some weak weed. Add to tat a feeling of having the flu, body aches, depression and periodical electric zaps to the brain. Paxil withdrawal is essentially like that, just less fun.

Having a mental illness is someting Ié always been loathe to write about. I’m not against discussing my faults or mistakes – I’ve been upfront that I lost my last newspaper job because I showed up drunk to work, for instance. But, like most, I’ve allowed the fact that I have a mental illness to cause me shame. My left shoulder is almost worthless from bursitis. I’m cool talking about that. But the fact that my brain produces too much serotonin leaves me feeling like a failure.

I generally blame my panic disorder on having been an alcoholic for two decades (More on that later). But I really I don’t know.  I just know that I’m 46 years old and it’s time for a change. I’ve done well for myself the last several years and have become a prominent voice.  Paxil took away my ambition, however.

But now I stopped. Maybe the panic disorder will return (it hasn’t yet) and maybe it won’t. I just know that I’m now exhausted with fighting my own brain.  So, I’ll exercise, take vitamins and work hard. I’ll do whatever I can to keep my brain as an ally. But whatever happens, I’ll have my ambition back. And I’m never letting go of that again.

 11.

“As a sometimes hoaxster himself, Wolfrum would know to be dubious of any tips, distrustful of any information fed his way. If a dubious sources said X, he would print Y. And would do it proudly and vainly. That was his nature. That was his character.”

– From “I Am Martin Eisenstadt: One Man’s (Wildly Inappropriate) Adventures with the Last Republicans.”

I made my name exposing Martin Eisenstadt. But the creators of the hoax conservative – Dan Mirvish and Eitan Gorlin – had me figured out the entire time. In the end, though, it brought me fans from all walks of life.

(Note 1: The full story can be found on the Wolfrum Chronicled Main Page.)

(Note 2: For an explainer on this project, please go here.)

Comments

3 Responses to “Wolfrum Chronicled: What Is Real?”

  1. John Hamilton Farr on June 4th, 2013 7:28 am

    Good for you. We have to suffer at least a little (some of us a lot) to find the swallowed fishhooks. Most people would rather just pretend to be normal out of fear of being caught. Much better to be full-blown weirdo with self-knowledge. I made that last part up, but my analyst would like it.

  2. Knuckles on June 5th, 2013 9:43 am

    Brave of you. I am on something, can’t even remember what it’s called at the moment. Although it does help depression, it also dulls every other emotion. It’s always worth considering whether the trade-off is working for you at any given time.

  3. becbeq on June 5th, 2013 11:46 am

    Best of luck. I super-powered off Paxil over 6 days – 40mg to 0mg – so that I can participate in a medical study using transcranial magnetic stimulation for the treatment of resistant major depression. And, might I say, THIS SUCKS! The headaches, the fatigue, the nausea – UGH.

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