A letter to the people of Iran

Dear People of Iran,

I saw that your government has been blocking foreign Web sites, so I’ll make this quick:

Could you guys please overthrow your current regime and replace it with something less strict and less crazy? Because, trust me on this, President Obama is just waiting for a good opportunity to build bipartisan support via bombing you guys into the Iraqian age. And Mr. Nobel Peace Prize will unleash hell upon you.

So if you could get started on overthrowing your current government – like, yesterday – that would really be great.

Hugs,

Bill

–WKW

Readables …

There are others. Sometimes, we must recognize them …

• Osborne Ink: The lives and deaths of the Public Option.
• Oliver Willis: And the carnival of criminal carnality continues for the Catholic Church, with Brazil getting line.
• Andrew Sullivan: Gen. David Patraeus talks DADT. Will John McCain and others start listening to the generals?
• Litbrit: Bringing Alan Grayson to the masses.
• Equalitopia: Gay Marriage is happening, whether you like it or not.
• Shoq Value: If Fox News were a nation, the U.S. would be at war with it.
• Odd Time Signature: Karoli takes us down Health Care Reform memory lane.
• Ed Morissey: The billboards keep on coming.
• FreakOut Nation: Sarah Palin, meet George Wallace.

–WKW

National Review hippies to fight The Man

Over at the National Review, anti-government fervor has spread throughout the organization, with John Hood declaring his independence …

I have decided that I will not obey the dictates of any federal bureaucrat who tries to impose a tax or regulation on me by citing the authority of an Obamacare bill that fails to pass both houses of Congress as required by our Constitution.

To put it bluntly, then: I will not comply. If the government tries to make me comply, I’ll sue. And I’ll win.

Jeez, you hippies need to put down the pipe.

–WKW

It’s official: The U.S. is Italy

In short order, the U.S. has moved up into the rarefied air of Italy when it comes to political lasciviousness. Rielle Hunter makes her entry into the goo at GQ:

I, for one, welcome our new Roman overlords.

–WKW

Costa Rica to re-institute military to keep Rush Limbaugh out

COSTA RICA – Calling it the “greatest threat our nation has ever faced,” Costa Rican President Óscar Arias has announced that his country will re-institute the military in order to fend of an invasion by American entertainer Rush Limbaugh.

“We can sit back and wait to see if the U.S. passes health care reform, or we can act now,” said Arias. “We don’t want our answer to come in the form of a mushmouth cloud.”

Arias was responding to recent comments from the entertainer, who said he would move to Costa Rica if health care reform passed in the United States.

“I don’t know. I’ll just tell you this, if this passes and it’s five years from now and all that stuff gets implemented, I am leaving the country. I’ll go to Costa Rica,” said Limbaugh.

Arias said he would not allow his nation to suffer the same fate as the U.S. and called for every man, woman and child in the nation to join the military and guard the borders. Costa Rica has not had an active military since 1948.

“This is the greatest threat our democracy has ever faced,” said Arias. “If Limbaugh gets in, then Glenn Beck, Michael Savage and Ann Coulter will surely follow.

“We cannot allow these weapons of mass distraction come and ruin our nation as they have worked so hard to do in America,” added Arias.

–WKW

John Ensign: “At least I never tickled anyone”

WASHINGTON – Republican Senator John Ensign – speaking from his room at the C Street Center – has come out swinging against ex-Representative Eric Massa.

“That he would admit to a tickle fight is a travesty and an embarrassment for this Congress,” said Ensign, who at no time during his speech slept with any of his friends’ wives. “The Democrats have once again proven to have serious ethics problems.”

Ensign – who while speaking never once tried to find a job for anyone he cuckolded – said he felt his record showed him as a fierce non-tickler.

“I don’t tickle the Republican Party at all,” said Ensign, who was backed by close friend, Republican Sen. Tom Coburn. “I stridently avoid any ticklish situations.”

Ensign’s speech was cut short, however, as his parents arrived and chased away reporters with a broom and $100 bills.

–WKW

Sarah Palin went to Canada for health care? Much ado about Skagway

Liberal blogs are abuzz today about Sarah Palin’s admission that her family crossed the border from Skagway, Alaska to Whitehorse in Canada to receive health care for her brother:

“My first five years of life we spent in Skagway, Alaska, right there by Whitehorse. Believe it or not – this was in the ‘60s – we used to hustle on over the border for health care that we would receive in Whitehorse. I remember my brother, he burned his ankle in some little kid accident thing and my parents had to put him on a train and rush him over to Whitehorse and I think, isn’t that kind of ironic now. Zooming over the border, getting health care from Canada.”

Now, while it’s easy to spot the political stupidity of her bringing up this story, there does need to be a non-knee-jerk response to it. Mainly, the fact that her family was in Skagway. In the 1960s.

I actually spent a summer working as a reporter for the Skagway News. In the summer, with cruise ships pouring in, the population of the Southeastern town explodes to about 2,000. But the fact is, year-round, the population of Skagway is in the neighborhood of 800. It’s not exactly a great place to spend your winters. Or to get health care for serious issues.

Skagway is a town with limited access, in or out. It’s also not a place where it’s likely they can handle severe burns. Maybe in 2010 they can, but it’s almost a certainty that they couldn’t in the 1960s. I’d be willing to wager that any major medical problem would end up being taken care of Whitehorse, which is by far the closest big city around.

Add to that the fact that Canada’s Universal Health Care program wasn’t truly in full effect until 1966*; it was Palin’s parents that made the journey; and they most likely paid for it.

So while mocking Palin is rightfully a national sport at this point, and the timing and content of her remark was politically stupid, it’s really a non-starter. And poor political discourse.

Update: While the “Getting free health care in Canada” story is still a non-starter, the Anchorage Daily News, among others, has noted that Palin originally told The Skagway News that her brother had been taken via ferry to Juneau.

Head to the crossposted version of this story at Dagblog, where you’ll see comments from the editor of The Skagway News on this story.

* Some confusion on this. Here’s the link to a time line of Canada’s health care system.

–WKW

“The Cove” wins Oscar – Louie Psihoyos doesn’t get to talk dolphins

Last month, I got to speak with director Louie Psihoyos about his Oscar-nominated documentary “The Cove.” When asked about the possibility of winning an Academy Award, here’s what Psihoyos had to say:

“A billion people will see the Academy Awards,” said Psihoyos in a telephone interview. “That’s why I’d like to win. Because for 45 seconds you can talk directly to all the key people who are involved in these policies.”

Unfortunately, Producer Fisher Stevens – missing the point and a huge opportunity – gave the acceptance speech and never actually said the word “Dolphin.”

If you’re interested in helping to stop the horrifying murder of dolphins in Japan, here are some helpful links:

• What can you do to help?
• “The Cove” Official Web Site
• The Oceanic Preservation Society
• Save Japan Dolphins

Update: Courtesy of Entertainment Weekly, here is what Psihoyos had planned on saying:

The Long version of the world’s Shortest Oscar acceptance speech

By Louie Psihoyos, director of The Cove

- We made this film to give the oceans a voice.

- We told the story of The Cove because we witnessed a crime. Not just a
crime against nature, but a crime against humanity.

- We made this movie because through plundering, pollution and acidification from burning fossil fuels, ALL ocean life is in peril, from the great whales to plankton which, incidentally, is responsible for half the oxygen in this theater.

- Thank you, Black OPS Team for risking your lives in Japan — and thank you Academy for shining the brightest lights in the world on THE COVE……

- Japan, please see this movie! Domo Aragato!

–WKW

“Lazy-Ass Americans like being unemployed” talking point a winner for GOP

If you can say one thing about the GOP, it’s that they stick to the script when it comes to talking points. The latest GOP talking point – that Americans are lazy and like being unemployed – could very well be a winner for the Republicans come election time.

Ex-Speaker of the House Tom Delay was the latest conservative to make the claim, as he told CNN’s Candy Crowley that unemployment insurance was the root of all evil:

Crowley: People are unemployed because they want to be?

Delay: well, it is the truth. and people in the real world know it. And they have friends and they know it. Sure, we ought to be helping people that are unemployed find a job, but we also have budget considerations that are incredibly important, especially now that Obama is spending monies that we don’t have.

Earlier in the week, Republican Senator Jon Kyl jumped on that talking point, as well.

“[Unemployment] doesn’t create new jobs. In fact, if anything, continuing to pay people unemployment compensation is a disincentive for them to seek new work.”

If there’s one thing that will guarantee a landslide November victory for the GOP, it’s Republicans telling the millions of jobless Americans that they’re lazy and just want to sit on their ass all day collecting a couple hundred bucks a week in unemployment. For the GOP, it’s a winning talking point.

--WKW

Barack Obama decides to shoot Khalid Sheik Mohammed in head just to be on safe side

WASHINGTON – Faced with waves of Republican pressure over the handling of the Khalid Sheik Mohammed trial, U.S. President Barack Obama has announced that he will personally shoot the terrorist mastermind in the head.

“Khalid Sheik Mohammed is evil incarnate, and he must be dealt with in a way that will protect our citizens,”said Obama. “Therefore, I will bi-partisanly blow his brains out myself.”

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said the President thought long and hard about his decision.

“Being that Khalid Sheik Mohammed is not a human, shooting him in the head is not against the law,” said Gibbs.

The shooting will take place on April 1, and will be televised on the new C-Span Pay-per-view channel. The shooting will be followed by a mixed-martial arts battle between UFC Heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar and Frank Mir.

“If you order 24 hours a head of time, you get $5 off,” said Gibbs.

The White House has yet to say which type of gun they will use on Mohammed, though former presidential candidate John McCain advised using a “big-ass shotgun.” McCain added that he had been confident that Obama would back down on civil liberty issues like the KSM trial, as it’s been something he has done in the past.

“Finally, we’re treating foreign criminals the way they should be treated,” said former Vietnam hostage John McCain. “Soon, he’ll back down on things like health care, as well.”

–WKW

Breaking: Atheist politician arrested after leaving Church

BAKERSFIELD – An Atheist California state senator was placed under arrest for Driving under the Influence of God after leaving a Church. His wife was in the vehicle along with the lawmaker but was not arrested.

State Sen. Tim Johnson was pulled over by the California Highway Patrol at about 2:00 p.m. last Sunday when his state-issued vehicle was observed being driven blissfully. The driver, identified as Johnson, was taken in and charged for driving under the influence of God. Unidentified sources said the senator had been at St. Mary’s, a popular Catholic Church, prior to his arrest.

In a March 4 article, the online news site Talking Points Memo characterized Johnson, who is married and has four children, as “a fierce Atheist” who had never allowed religion to influence his voting record.

Johnson issued a contrite apology, stating, “I am deeply sorry for my actions and offer no excuse for my poor judgment. I accept complete responsibility for my conduct and am prepared to accept the consequences for what I did.”

It is uncertain how the arrest — or his reported presence at a Church — will affect Johnson’s prospects for re-election. Atheist lawmakers who are alleged to engage in Church activities have attracted significant media attention in recent years.

–WKW

One-Liner: Anti-Gay Republicans

If anti-murder Republicans were actually murderers as often as anti-gay Republicans were actually gay, it would be a bloodbath out there.

–WKW

Explosive New ACORN Video: Blacks get whatever they want!

A new video posted by an independent filmmaker posing as a samba dancer has surfaced depicting an ACORN staffer assisting a Black (known in this video as “Max”) making unreasonable — and possibly child prostitution-related — requests.

The 1-minute 11-second video clearly shows a small Black making unreasonable demands at an ACORN office in Los Angeles, California. The Black demands an important benefit from ACORN.

As one can see in the video, a Brown ACORN worker sits idly by as the filmmaker – dressed in ridiculous Samba garb – gives the small and angry Black the benefit he wanted with little struggle. All of this occurred while the Brown ACORN worker sits by and makes no effort to stop the proceedings.

The video – made by noted blogger/activist/American Hero William K. Wolfrum – has circulated throughout the Internet. Wolfrum said he was paid a “fair salary” by right-wing media tycoon Andrew Breitbart for the video. Breitbart said the video confirmed White America’s deepest fears - that an organization existed to help Blacks.

“Snidely Snerble Snab,” said Breitbart. “At the very least, Wolfrum deserves a Pulitzer Prize for their expose of deep corruption and unspeakable immorality at ACORN.”

After the video became public, the Senate voted 83-7 to block the Housing and Urban Development Department from giving grants to ACORN, meaning the organization would not be able to win HUD grants for programs such as counseling low-income people on how to get mortgages and for fair housing education and outreach.

While the evidence on the video proves ACORN is a criminal organization, some far-left writers have said that it was doctored and that Wolfrum was – in fact – never actually dressed as a Samba dancer, and that the video – in fact – was just Wolfrum playing with his dogs in his home.

“Why does it matter!!??,” said Breitbart. “It means nothing! He’s a Samba Dancer!”

Reached for comment, Clark Hoyt, Public Editor of the New York Times – which ran a story on the video – said that his paper would stick with its original reporting, regardless of what new facts emerged.

“Those on the right say that it’s a Samba Dancer helping a small Black to whatever he wants. Those on the Left say it’s a guy playing with his dogs,” said Hoyt in an e-mail. “This has become far too partisan for us, so we’re sticking with what we wrote.”

–WKW

Sarah Palin’s stand-up comedy more honest than her RNC speech

In the second biggest performance of her career, Sarah Palin stunned Jay Leno and Tonight Show viewers with her wit and delivery, but more importantly, her honesty. In fact-checking her stand-up routine on the Tonight Show last night, The Chronicles have found her routine was mostly truthful.

Some selected facts we checked:

• “I will know these jokes like the front of my Hand” – True. Sarah Palin knows the front of her hand
• “Back home it was freezing.” – True. It’s cold in Alaska.
• As soon as I saw the big Moose, I realized I hadn’t cooked my kids’ dinner.” – True. Sarah Palin did not cook her kid’s dinner last night.

The performance was perhaps Palin’s most honest. For instance, her famed speech at the Republican National Convention was made up primarily of lies:

• “I told the Congress, ‘Thanks, but no thanks,’ on that bridge to nowhere – False.
• “We began a nearly $40 billion natural gas pipeline to help lead America to energy independence.” – False
• “I suspended the state fuel tax, and championed reform to end the abuses of earmark spending by Congress.” – False
• “As Governor, I have a record of being a strong fiscal conservative.” – False.

Final verdict: As a politician, Sarah Palin is one hell of a comedian.

–WKW

Senate Republicans filibuster family’s dinner

AKRON — Edward Crone and his family had just finished saying grace and were prepared to begin eating dinner when Senate Republicans – led by the retiring Jim Bunning – burst through the door and threatened to filibuster the meal.

“We see no way that the Crone family can possibly pay for this meal,” said Bunning. “If the Crone family can’t offset the price of a meal, what will they offset.”

Caught off guard, Senate Democrats said they had no choice but to cancel the Crone’s dinner, as the mere threat of the filibuster was an unbeatable weapon against them.

“Our hands are tied. Tied, I say,” said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. “The Crone Family will just have to wait this out until we make the deals necessary to end this filibuster threat.”

The Crone Family’s response was one of surprise and outrage.

“But I’m hungry,” cried Annie Crone, 6.

The meal, which consisted of meatloaf, whipped potatoes and peas, was left to sit on the dinner table as the Crone’s were ordered out of the dining room. Later in the day, the Crone’s landlord, Timothy Johnson, came in and devoured the meal by himself.

The decision to filibuster the meal fell on Bunning, who – after examining the finances of the Crones – stated that it was time for the family to be responsible for their own meals.

“Mr. Crone has been out of work for 23 weeks now and I’m pleased to say his unemployment benefits are through,” said Bunning. “He got a hand out from his father to buy the meal, which is against everything this nation stands for.”

For his part, Edward Crone said he would abide by the GOP’s decision.

“I’ve looked everywhere for a job to support my family, but there’s just nothing out there,” said Crone, a construction worker. “It’s all my fault.”

The filibuster also triggered a 21 percent cut in Medicare fees to doctors effective immediately. The American Medical Association said the cut off risks a “meltdown” for seniors. Still, Bunning was unapologetic, flipping off little Annie Crone as he escaped the house.

“If Crone can’t find $10 to pay for it, then they’re not going to pay for anything. The debt that they have arrived at is unsustainable,” said Bunning, who later compared the filibuster to “chin music” necessary to get Edward Crone off his butt and get back to work.

“This is America. Crone had his chance and failed, let them go hungry,” added Bunning.

–WKW

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