Win or lose, Colts’ coach Tony Dungy will still hate you if you’re gay

January 31, 2007

As he prepares his team for the Super Bowl, Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy is also preparing to be honored at the Friends of the Family Banquet for the Indiana Family Institute.

What’s the Indiana Family Institute, you ask? Well, it’s one of those homosexual-hating groups masquerading as some type of religious “family” organizations. Basically, if you’re straight, conservative to the point of authoritarian, believe that homosexuals are ruining your life somehow and think scientists are all a bunch of greedy liars, then the Indiana Family Institute is the place for you.

It’s an organization that proudly carries the words of James Dobson, the righteous religious guy who recently showed he would go to the wall for a friend during his pal Ted Haggard’s recent problems. Well, he went to the wall right up until he found out Haggard was too close to cock, then he dumped him like he was garbage.

By being involved at all with this type of organization - which, make no mistake about it, is equivalent to the Klu Klux Klan - Dungy has made it clear: Support the Colts all you want, but if you’re gay, you don’t belong in society.


One-Liner: Madden

January 31, 2007

It’s a pity that there’s no God, because if there were, I’d ask it to bless John Madden and the folks at EA Sports.



Breaking News: Blogger blogs about the blogs of bloggers

January 30, 2007

This just in …

  • Sadly, No! goes deep inside the mind of the wingnut to see just how far those crazy bastards are willing to run with this Jamilgate thing …
  • The Washington Post says women are basically politically clueless, but The Spacey Gracey Review appears to have a clue
  • Over at Our World and Welcome to It, they’re taking time from their busy schedule to blog about me. And then blog about me some more. And some more, even …
  • Oliver Willis is not all too pleased about Bush’s latest power grab, but big business will be …
  • Glenn Greenwald wonders why the warmongers keep bringing up Winston Churchill when they are not in the least Churchillian …
  • At Constant State of Flux, Gene is wondering if the U.S. and UK will allow him to bring anything on an airplane to help kill time on a long flight.
  • -WKW

    One-Liner: Relax

    January 30, 2007

    I keep getting spam e-mails trying to sell me something that will increase the volume of my ejaculation by 500 percent, which seems slightly horrifying, if you ask me.



    Millions grieve Barbaro; few notice Cesar Borja

    January 30, 2007

    Kentucky Derby champion Barbaro was euthanized Monday after complications from his breakdown at last year’s Preakness. It was eight months ago that Barbaro broke his leg in the event, and the horse had undergone multiple procedures to try to get him back to health.

    Following the incident, there was an outpouring of support for the bay colt, as fans across the United States donated money, sent cards and other trinkets to the talented horse, which would have made astounding sums of money for its owners in the breeding game had he survived.

    “This horse was a hero,” David Switzer, executive director of the Kentucky Thoroughbred Association, told the Associated Press. “His owners went above and beyond the call of duty to save this horse. It’s an unfortunate situation, but I think they did the right thing in putting him down.”

    While millions were touched by Barbaro’s plight and feel a sense of grief at the loss of a horse that, for all intents and purposes should have been put down that day at the Preakness, few know or seemingly could care less about the death of Cesar Borja.

    Borja, a World Trade Center first responder on Sept. 11, died of pulmonary fibrosis, an illness his family says he developed after breathing in toxins while working at the WTC site.

    “We’re just trying to show support for the family and hoping that when people see what’s going on maybe funding will come, because there are a lot of people who don’t have the opportunity to be in the position to get the medication and treatment that they need,” retired FDNY Lieutenant Tom Carlstrom told NY1. “I can’t understand how the federal government and the city government can just ignore the whole thing. I think it’s very difficult.”

    Borja, like so many others during these turbulent times, died trying to do what he could to help New York, and the nation as a whole. Yet his plight is virtually ignored. His main error, it appears, was not being born a horse.


    Sickeningly thin celebrities need to start dying

    January 29, 2007

    In 1983, Karen Carpenter taught many a young girl a lesson. The talented singer, who had battled anorexia for years, died at the age of 33 from a weakened heart.

    Many were touched by Carpenters’ death, with many seeing the dangers of anorexia first hand. These days, the lesson of Carpenter has been forgotten, as stars like Nicole Richie opt for a skeletal look that can only be achieved by abusing oneself.

    Actresses like Richie, Lindsay Lohan, Mary-Kate Olsen and countless others have obviously made a conscious decision - in order to be taken seriously, you can’t have body fat. And that includes having breasts or an ass.

    The anorexic look gets very little scrutiny in today’s press. The most you’ll get is attempts to get stars to admit they have an eating disorder, which they deny. Of course, they all have some type of disorder, whether eating or otherwise. Because hunger is not something that should be celebrated, but fought.

    Real hunger

    So I propose that is time for a modern celebrity to take Carpenter’s place. We need a Richie or Olsen, or Lohan or one of their disturbed ilk to die of starvation. Literally die. This is their only real chance of adding something to humanity - by becoming a cautionary tale.

    Because of these celebrities, the world has a huge population of females who have no idea what it means to be healthy. For young girls, fitting in is what matters, and when they see shoulder blades protruding from their favorite female stars, they think that’s what beauty is.

    This is not beauty. It’s sickness. And celebrities throughout the world are fighting to promote this sickness. So with young girls fighting for their lives and their health, it’s time for these disturbingly thin celebrities to do the right thing. Something that will help show their fans the true face of anorexia.

    Just die already.


    Middle Easterners are just like us: They believe in nonsense also

    January 29, 2007

    In the U.S. today, the average citizen is inundated with anti-Arab messages. Whether from TV, radio, newspapers or the Internet, Middle Easterners are being painted in a broad, easy-to-hate manner.

    But while it’s easy to look at a different culture and point out their differences, it’s somewhat harder to see how we’re all the same. Because in the end, we are but humans, sharing the same planet.

    All it takes is to look, and you will see so many ways that East and West are alike. Take this: Middle Easterners believe in hocus-pocus, fraudulent nonsense, just like Americans do. They love their gods, and their “miracles” just like Americans. Take this, for example, where they get all excited after “finding” a long piece of rope stuffed in the womb of a young female virgin. Yes, while Americans were commemorating five years after 9/11, in Lebanon, they were celebrating a Koranic healer whipping things out of a young girl’s snatch.

    Next time you think that Arabs, Muslims and Middle Easterners are terrifying, just remember this - they are a bunch of gullible idiots over there. Just like you.


    I’m not even safe from Tom Brady in Brazil

    January 26, 2007

    I don’t like Tom Brady. Not a bit. He just rubs me the wrong way. Some may point out that my dislike for Brady is based on jealousy, and let me tell you, I agree 100 percent.

    Brady is tall, good looking, dates a bevy of hot babes, plays quarterback and wins Super Bowls. So claim that I dislike Tom Brady because I actually want to be him all you want. I understand I’m not Tom Brady. I’m not even Greg Brady, for that matter. Understanding the origin of my hate doesn’t cool it any.

    Do I wish bad things to happen to Brady? Yes, Yes I do. Not horribly bad, but if he could get some form of Steve Blass Syndrome right about now, I’d be pleased. Watching Brady and the New England Patriots lose in the AFC Championship game was nice, but I’m guessing he dried his tears with his three Super Bowl rings.

    Luckily, I live in a Tom Brady-proof world here in Brazil. The nation as a whole couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the NFL, and I can control my Web surfing so that I only come across Brady articles when they just can’t be avoided.

    Now, my Brady-proof life is being penetrated. Tom Brady is reportedly dating Brazilian model Giselle Bundchen.

    Bundchen is a big star in Brazil, where they love their celebrity gossip as much as anyone. News of Brady and Bundchen, pictures of them in magazines, stories about them on the radio — they’re coming. Tom Brady has punctured my safe Brazilian haven.

    So it looks like you win again, Tom Brady. It could have been worse, I imagine. Bundchen could be dating Rush Limbaugh. Though I hear she’s a little old for him.


    Who is the more despicable human, Newt Gingrich or Matti Vanhanen?

    January 26, 2007

    It’s time to play everyone’s favorite game: “Who is the more despicable human!”

    As we all know, grand champion Newt Gingrich has been prowling around the globe, merely scoffing at those who would consider themselves more despicable than he.

    Today’s challenge: Finland Prime Minister Matti Vanhanen.

    Vanhanen, one of Finland’s most eligible bachelors, recently broke up with the girlfriend he had met on the Internet. And Vanhanen did it via text messaging.

    After much thought, Vanhanen’s actions can be considered classless and kinda pervy, but are still no match for Gingrich. It was in 1984 that Gingrich barged into his then-wife’s hospital room to discuss their divorce. That she was recovering from uterine cancer surgery made no difference to the man who has proudly proclaimed that “oral sex doesn’t count as adultery” as well as threatened former mistresses.

    For this, plus his hatred of American institutions like free speech, and countless other acts of hypocrisy, as well as an obvious inability to act like a real human, Gingrich easily trounces Vanhanen to keep his title.

    Join us next week for a special “All Speakers” episode of “Who is the more despicable human!” Gingrich will take on the two-headed challenge of Dennis Hastert and Tom DeLay. Don’t miss it, it promises to be a horrifyingly despicable episode!


    Iran is going to attack us from space, bleats Fox News

    January 26, 2007

    Fox News, in its current battle to help the State and make Iran look like a nation full of Super-Hitlers, screams this from the top of their Web site:

    Report: Iran Close to Trying Space Launch

    Sounds terrifying, eh? Soon, those maniacal Islamanazis will be raining ICBMs on the heads of all patriotic Americans.

    From Aviation Week:

    Iran has converted its most powerful ballistic missile into a satellite launch vehicle. The 30-ton rocket could also be a wolf in sheep’s clothing for testing longer-range missile strike technologies, Aviation Week & Space Technology magazine reports in its Jan. 29 issue.

    The Iranian space launcher has recently been assembled and “will liftoff soon” with an Iranian satellite, according to Alaoddin Boroujerdi, the chairman of the Iranian parliament’s National Security and Foreign Policy Commission.

    The move toward an independent space launch capacity is likely to ratchet up concern in the U.S. and Europe about Iran’s strategic capabilities and intents. Orbiting its own satellite would send a powerful message throughout the Muslim world about the Shiite regime in Tehran.

    The U.S took over Iraq on less. Expect to continue to see more “evidence” to be delivered by the Bush Administration’s propaganda arm in the coming months.

    A note to the people of Iran: Guys, the vast majority of Americans don’t want to go to war with you. But as you well know, the will of the people is rarely considered relevant. So while it’s obvious that you don’t care much for your President either, the U.S. and Israel will be bombing you by April. It’s all they talk about. It’s War on Terror stuff, you understand. Get used to dead civilians.


    The Pledge: C’mon, sign a loyalty oath so we don’t stop killing brown people

    January 25, 2007

    Somehow, guys like Hugh Hewitt wonder why everyone thinks that he is one of many Americans furiously masturbating to the thought of living in a dictatorship.

    Ok, I kid. Hewitt doesn’t care. He’s an entertainer, he could care less about any of this crap provided he gets ratings and hits. Nonetheless, once anyone starts thinking that signing a loyalty oath to the President’s war plan is a good idea, things have started to go off track.

    Just how is it that people who used angrily used the term “nanny state” for decades, now would gladly live in a one-party system, where their voice is ignored.

    But if that’s your thing, go sign the pledge:

    If the United States Senate passes a resolution, non-binding or otherwise, that criticizes the commitment of additional troops to Iraq that General Petraeus has asked for and that the president has pledged, and if the Senate does so after the testimony of General Petraeus on January 23 that such a resolution will be an encouragement to the enemy, I will not contribute to any Republican senator who voted for the resolution. Further, if any Republican senator who votes for such a resolution is a candidate for re-election in 2008, I will not contribute to the National Republican Senatorial Committee unless the Chairman of that Committee, Senator Ensign, commits in writing that none of the funds of the NRSC will go to support the re-election of any senator supporting the non-binding resolution.

    Seriously, these are people that think signing a loyalty oath is positive idea for a democracy. Ahh, who am I kidding. The people that think signing a loyalty oath is a good idea despise democracies, and feel much safer letting the oligarchs make their decisions. And their willing to sign a pledge like a child to show their submission.


    Headlines given to George Will column shows political divide of media

    January 25, 2007

    In a recent column, George Will reacts mildly condescending of Rep. Barney Frank’s economic views. Frank has steadfastly sided with average workers who see wealth inequality spiraling out of control.

    Will calls Frank’s views the “economic version of George W. Bush’s foreign policy” and concludes that the Financial Services Committee chairman is coherent, but not persuasive.

    Of course, how editorial editors around the nation interpreted Will’s words varied wildly:

  • Can Barney Frank engineer equality?Metro West Daily News
  • Frank talk about our economyFort Worth Star Telegram
  • Congressman Frank doubts the market really “lifts all boats”Pasadena Star News
  • Chairman Barney Frank’s “Boat” and What It’s Full
  • Why would anyone listen to Frank?Clarksville Leaf Chronicle
  • -WKW

    By stealing Iverson, Denver Nuggets ready to join NBA’s elite

    January 24, 2007

    A little more than a month after basically stealing Allen Iverson from the Philadelphia 76ers, the first ballots are being counted, and the trade is looking extremely good for the Denver Nuggets.

    Having reeled off a five-game winning streak against sketchy opposition, Denver has quickly adjusted to having Iverson on the court, and The Answer has been all they could hope for, piling up points and assists in the Rocky Mountains.

    The effort the Nuggets have received from Iverson should not be surprising: Iverson has given his all on court since arriving in the NBA. And while those like Rush Limbaugh see the tattoos and surly attitude and proclaim Iverson to be all that’s wrong in professional sports, real sports fans understand the truth: A.I. is a pure gamer who just wants to win. Rap albums be damned, the man is not a distraction, he is a first-ballot Hall of Famer who never lets down.

    While the Western Conference is loaded beyond belief and Denver won’t likely be in the NBA Finals, it’s apparent that they could be soon. This is now a team that has gone from interesting to dangerous.

    There’s the brilliant Carmelo Anthony; a quality big man in Marcus Camby; a point-machine off the bench in J.R. Smith; plus quality role players like Nene Hilario and Steve Blake.

    Are the Nuggets ready to top Phoenix or San Antonio? Probably not. But by getting Iverson, Denver has made it clear - they will be contenders for an NBA title sooner, rather than later.


    United States to Planet Earth: You have been warned

    January 24, 2007

    Warning: The following may be hazardous to those studying diplomacy:

    Taliban attacks in Spring, U.S. warns

    U.S. warns Iran

    U.S. warns Iran again

    U.S. warns China

    U.S. warns: Surge may take some time

    U.S. again warns Iran and Syria

    U.S. warns North Korea

    U.S. warns Europe

    U.S. warns China again

    U.S. warns World to do something about Somalia

    U.S. warns Americans that they will be attacked

    U.S. once again warns Iran


    Liz Cheney makes it clear: We are all going to be murdered by terrorists!

    January 23, 2007

    In an 800-word diatribe that would make the Unabomber proud, Liz Cheney, the apple of Vice-president Dick Cheney’s eye proves that daddy ain’t the only hysterical bitch in the family.

    Addressing Hillary Clinton, as well as any human who rejects the idea of imperialistic war-mongering in the Washington Post, Cheney had this to say:

    We are at war. America faces an existential threat. This is not, as Speaker Nancy Pelosi has claimed, a “situation to be solved.” It would be nice if we could wake up tomorrow and say, as Sen. Barack Obama suggested at a Jan. 11 hearing, “Enough is enough.” Wishing doesn’t make it so. We will have to fight these terrorists to the death somewhere, sometime. We can’t negotiate with them or “solve” their jihad. If we quit in Iraq now, we must get ready for a harder, longer, more deadly struggle later.

    Cheney, who has based a whole career on nepotism and being the daughter of the VP who is not gay, goes on in rambling, terrified tones to basically express this point:

    Everyone in America will die unless we kill millions of Arabs right this very moment.

    To wrap your mind around this, here’s a similar issue: gang violence in Los Angeles. It’s definitely bad. People die. Is the solution to nuke California? It is to Cheney and the rest of the screaming horrified harpies out there.

    The U.S. is not in any type of “existential war” with Islam. The U.S. is trying to take non-American nations with oil and make them and their oil pro-American. There are no secrets here. The Project for the New American Century lays it all out.

    American citizens face but one battle for existence - will we continue to allow our leaders to act as mindless imperialists.


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