Michele and Marcus Bachmann make their Gay Marriage profitable

July 11, 2011 by  

I generally avoid making claims that people are Gay or Lesbian, as I don’t like to give off the impression that being Gay or Lesbian is in anyway a bad thing. But when it comes to anti-Gay, Right-Wing public figures, that’s off the table. Which is why I can say my opinion on this loud and clear:

Marcus Bachmann - husband of Presidential hopeful Michele Bachmann - is Gayer than a Glitter of Liberaces.

My opinion is based on these factors:

1) Everyone involved in an Ex-Gay Ministry is Gay or Lesbian.
2) Everyone who screams too loudly about Gays & Lesbians destroying the World is Gay or Lesbian
3) No one ever becomes “an Ex-Gay” or an “Ex-Lesbian.”
4) Profit!

As for Marcus Bachmann’s involvement with tax-payer-funded Ex-Gay ministries, the Minnesota Independent has the down low:

Two witnesses said over the weekend that a counseling clinic founded by Michele and Marcus Bachmann performs a controversial “ex-gay” therapy. A former client of Bachmann’s clinic told The Nation that he was counseled to become straight when he was in high school. And the group Truth Wins Out sent a staffer undercover and was treated for his homosexuality. Bachmann’s clinic has taken in thousands in state and federal money despite its overt Christian conservative message.

Now, if you were going to a clinic that helped you quit alcohol or drugs, wouldn’t you want to go to an “Ex-Gay Clinic” led by someone who understands the plight? Or is it better just to have a straight guy scream at you to stop being the Gay?

To me, the conclusion is obvious: Marcus Bachmann is Gayer than a Pride of Neil Patrick Harrises. But at least Bachmann hates himself for it.

Which leads us to his wife. She had this to say while trying to pass an insipid and meaningless anti-Gay Marriage constitutional amendment in Minnesota:

“This is a very serious matter, because it is our children who are the prize for this community, they are specifically targeting our children,” she told Christian radio station KKMS 980-AM in March of that year. “This is an earthquake issue. This will change our state forever. Because the immediate consequence, if gay marriage goes through, is that K-12 little children will be forced to learn that homosexuality is normal, natural and perhaps they should try it.”

Michele Bachman’s connections to an Ex-Gay Ministry, plus her hatred of Gays and Lesbians mean only one thing, in my opinion: She’s as Lesbian as a Chattering of Ellen Degenereses.

So yes, it is my opinion that Michele and Marcus Bachman are in a Gay Marriage with each other. Just like God intended.

Oh, and just in case you were wondering about No. 4, the “Profit!!” portion of the equation:

Bachmann’s clinic, which is steeped in conservative Christianity, has received hundreds of thousands of dollars in state and federal funding over the last several years. The clinic has taken $137,000 in Medicaid funds and another $30,000 in state funds.

So, will it hurt Michele Bachman that she and her husband are self-hating about their sexuality? Probably not. After all, they’re making money off of it. And that’s what really matters.



2 Responses to “Michele and Marcus Bachmann make their Gay Marriage profitable”

  1. shana on July 12th, 2011 10:00 am

    Not disagreeing with any of the aforementioned, hilarious observations. Just this… $130K isnt all that much money. they make loads more than that every year. Guess Im not seeing the “profit” aspect, bc that 130 k was over a few years… its fairly trivial. that the govt subsidizes anti-gay therapy at all is alarming. OH and I totally LOVED glitter of liberaces… that phrase will enter and circulate in my personal vernacular.

  2. Jorie on July 13th, 2011 5:05 am

    I am so disappointed in Marcus…I have gay cousins, friends who are gay and they are so sweet and yummy…As a gay man, Marcus is so, how should I put it, so yukky…

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