Fiscal Cliff will bring smallpox, forced incest & insects of above-average size

November 27, 2012 by  

My friends, America was born some 450 years ago in 1776 and has the documentation to prove it. Now, America has an expiration date - Dec. 31, 2012.

Yes, Christopher Columbus’ great experiment in democracy is set to sail over a cliff - a “Fiscal” cliff, as it were. According to economics experts such as David Gregory, the fiscal cliff is a combination of tax hikes and budget cuts that will paralyze the economy and bring about such calamities as a return of smallpox, forced incest and insects of above average size, according to economic expert such as Jake Tapper.

As economic experts such as Scott Pelley and Lloyd Blankfein have noted, there is but one way to pave over the fiscal cliff and ensure the fall is lined with concrete is to cut entitlement spending. While people spend their whole lives paying into entitlements such as Social Security and Medicare, these entitlements are free money to an American public long accustomed to receiving free government largesse. This free giveaway of benefits that people have paid into must be curtailed, or America will fail, as falling over cliffs is almost always fatal.

My friends, since America won its civil war against Europe, it has long fought to be more like Europe. Currently, Europe is continually cutting benefits and forcing austerity measures on its people. This is causing the economies of many European nations to contract, which, as non-partisan organizations such as Fox News have pointed out, help save economies and keep insects at their normal, smaller size.

The truth is obvious and unavoidable - if America falls over the fiscal cliff, all Americans will die, as politicians will lock all emergency exits and burn the place to the ground. This can only be avoided if all Americans who make less than, say, $250,000 a year start feeling the pain.

As Founding Father Abraham Lincoln once said, “A nation divided cannot afford to take care of anyone who makes less than, say, $250,000, without falling over a fiscal cliff and bringing about such calamities as a return of smallpox, forced incest and insects of above average size, according to everyone at CNBC. Also, tax hikes are off the table.”

The time is now, America. Because the cliff is coming. And if we fall over that cliff, we will all drown in the seas of fire. It’s time we become educated about it.



2 Responses to “Fiscal Cliff will bring smallpox, forced incest & insects of above-average size”

  1. Jimmy Dean on November 27th, 2012 9:28 am

    Why is it the Republicans believe only their cuts are helpful and Obama’s are destructive?

    Why is it Republicans always want the deficit lowered but are unwilling to raise even the smallest tax to do it ever since a Democrat holds the white house?

    All this fiscal cliff nonsense is nonsense. The entire problem is one of the Republicans making. Their obstinence and refusal to work with Obama, their refusal to pass any legislation even though they were for it before Obama became president just shows how crazy they have become.

  2. dgun on December 10th, 2012 11:42 am

    There is hope. Thanks to Chuck Jones, there are several generations of Americans who know that going over a cliff isn’t a problem, as long as we don’t look down.

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