I Love You, Mom

December 31, 2008

My Mom passed away last night at home, next to my father, the love of her life. My Mom was a beautiful, loving, selfless person. She was loved and admired by all who knew her. What so many of us strive to be, she was. She was a strong, intelligent and wonderful woman.

I love you, Mom. I will never stop missing you. I will never stop trying to make you proud.


Harry and We

December 31, 2008

When we find ourselves 10,000 miles from our beloved dogs, there’s always Harry to pick up the slack. Nothing like having a neighbor with a dog that’s so full of joy.

harry and bill

Emilia and Harry


Thanks, Harry. You are most definitely a good boy.


Even if your last name is Kennedy, the political world is never easy

December 30, 2008

I must admit I hadn’t much followed Caroline Kennedy’s bid for Hillary Clinton’s Senate seat. So, I researched her views, beliefs, agendas, and personality.

Two minutes later, I was done. So I now know pretty much everything about Kennedy’s decision. It boils down to this: “She wants to help.”

And while that may be noble, there’s a bit more to politics, even when you don’t have to run an actual campaign. At the Huffington Post, Diane Tucker takes an interesting and biting look at Kennedy’s attempt to be the next Senator from New York. Give it a read and decide for yourselves if politics can be easy - or if they even should be.


A Swiftian accomplishment

December 29, 2008

Aside from being the best satirist around, Jon Swift is a true hero to hard-working, unappreciated bloggers. If you need any proof, take a look at his titanic undertaking, the Best Blog Posts of 2008 (Chosen by the bloggers themselves). Be prepared, however: You will be exposed to a mind-blowing array of brilliant blog posts.

Cheers to you Mr. Swift. Thanks for being a champion for so many bloggers, myself included.


Hey your gay: Air Pump and Pad Edition

December 29, 2008

Please update your Gay Agendas to now include “complete and total domination of the air pump and pad industry.” Thank you.

Air pump

air pad


Do Donny and Marie Osmond push hateful, anti-gay agenda in new Las Vegas act?

December 27, 2008

Singers Donny and Marie Osmond are starring in a new show at the Flamingo, to unconfirmed reports that the show will be based on gay bashing and the taking away of the rights from those in the LGBT Community. After all, the Osmond family has taken the public stance of wanting to take away the rights of others who dare share different lifestyles than they with their support of Proposition 8.

So, if you believe that some humans are more equal than others and that the LGBT community should be happy with whatever rights they are allowed, go to the Flamingo and see their show. There it’s possible you’ll see the twice-divorced Marie Osmond preach from her pulpit of monumental privilege about the sanctity of marriage.

Marie Osmond: privilege and bigotry


Town House Flipsides: The greatest Pracker (or Cretzel) ever invented

December 23, 2008


Dear Keebler Elves:

Please send a lifetime supply of Town House Flipsides to me in Brazil, and I will forever be an advocate for this amazing product. Long live the Pracker. Or Cretzel. Whatever. Flipsides Rule.

Hats off to you all for producing something that gives me such pleasure.



Rick Warren’s bigotry not a weighty issue

December 21, 2008

Rick Warren is a bigot. He’s a typical capitalist Christianist that cherry-picks the Bible to adhere to his bigotry. He and his ilk are evolutionary refuse, who are trying desperately to keep their backward, hateful brand of humanity in existence, while getting rich for it.

But his weight makes no difference, regardless of your justification. All bigots justify their bigotry. Calling Warren “tubby,” or a “glutton,” or “fat ass” tells us nothing of him, but does showcase the bigotry of the name caller.

So for those like John Aravosis, Rude Pundit, et al, let me just say this - if you think it’s clever to combat a homophobe like Warren by mocking his weight, you are no better than he is.


Something to remember about Barack Obama - he’s a politician

December 20, 2008

Regardless of the positives that Barack Obama will bring to the U.S. Presidency, there is one important point to remember - he is a politician first and foremost.

So while I understand and agree with the furor over giving homophobe Rick Warren a special spot in his inauguration, I understand why Obama chose him - it’s about votes. To Team Obama, it’s better to alienate the GLBT vote. Because there are far more bigots out there that he believes he can switch than there are GLBTs out there whose votes he would lose.

The U.S. did not just elect Ghandi. They voted in a politician. It’s about votes. Period.


Kenneth Starr takes being a worthless piece of crap to a higher level

December 20, 2008

The hateful theocrats that brought you Proposition 8 are now working to sneak a law past that will nullify all gay marriages in California. And now joining this group of under-evolved moon howlers is none other than Kenneth Starr, the Whitewater investigator that shamed the nation with his witch hunt of Bill Clinton:

Proposition 8 supporters also announced the addition of Kenneth Starr to their legal team. Starr will serve as lead counsel and argue their case to the Supreme Court.

Starr, the dean of Pepperdine Law School, investigated the suicide of Clinton deputy White House counsel Vince Foster and the Whitewater affair. The $70 million investigation turned up evidence of President Clinton’s affair with Monica Lewinsky and led to Clinton’s impeachment by the House of Representatives. He was acquitted by the Senate

With this move, Starr has once again shown that he is one of the many who believe that their God is so worthlessly pathetic that they need to do its work for it. One could only wish that evolution would hurry the hell up. Those like Starr and Andrew Pugno will be weeded out by natural selection soon enough, sure. But the last act of these neanderthals is getting old.


Caffeine-Free Diet Pepsi: The most hideous thing humans have ever created

December 19, 2008

Having spent more time lately in the U.S., one thing has become abundantly clear - Caffeine-Free Diet Pepsi is the nastiest beverage ever created. If ever there was a product that proved that American ingenuity is dead, it’s Caffeine-Free Diet Pepsi.

My theory on how Caffeine-Free Diet Pepsi was created is that someone was wandering the desert in the Southwest, stumbled across an ancient spittoon, took the ingredients from said spittoon, re-liquefied it, added a tiny amount of carbonation, and then started selling it.

If Rocky 6 was a carbonated beverage, it would be Caffeine-Free Diet Pepsi — all preachy yet hard to understand, stupid and in bad taste.

If you haven’t tasted Caffeine-Free Diet Pepsi, but would like an idea of what it tastes like, do this - keep a straw in your pocket and wander around outside until you find a pigeon or squirrel that’s been dead for, oh, say three months. Stick the straw into the dead animal and suck. Caffeine-Free Diet Pepsi tastes like that, except worse. Plus, the taste lingers in your mouth for months. And gradually gets worse until it’s like your mouth was invaded by the notoriously rare and deadly Asian Shit Ant.

What gets me is that they had high-paid executives sitting around a table, drinking this dreck and all nodding approvingly, “Oh yes, this is what America wants, a ‘light, crisp, refreshing’ beverage that tastes like Cheney sputum.”

You want to defeat terrorists? Force them to drink Caffeine-Free Diet Pepsi. I’m sure it would violate the Geneva Conventions, but they’d immediately tell you anything they knew, then hang themselves. Caffeine-Free Diet Pepsi is torture in a 12-oz can.

I’m not an extremist. Really. I don’t believe immigration will destroy the U.S. I don’t believe 9/11 was an inside job. I don’t believe a group of guys hiding in caves will emerge and force us all to live under sharia law. I don’t believe that allowing same-sex couples to marry will eventually lead to men marrying the rare and deadly Asian Shit Ant.

But having tasted Caffeine-Free Diet Pepsi once, I’m certain that the end of civilization is about three weeks away. Even the irritating gold, white, red, blue and black can should be enough to tell you that.

But hey, don’t take my word for it, go ahead and find a way to get a free sample of the stuff (if you pay for it, you’ll just encourage the folks at Pepsi to make more). You’ll quickly see that I speak the truth: Caffeine-Free Diet Pepsi is the worst tasting thing on this, and very likely any other, planet.


I previously posted this at Shakesville, on Feb. 27, 2008

Remember the $25 billion automakers got in September? No one else does (Updated)

December 19, 2008

(Update: I’m just not able or up to researching this for the applicable links, but I believe Us in Comments has pointed out the error of my ways on this one.)

Today, the auto industry is $17 billion richer. When it comes to these bailouts, I have a pretty cynical approach - basically, big business is lining up with their soup bowls as Bush and Co. shake out every last cent from the treasury.

But “starve the beast” conspiracies aside, I really hope for one miraculous outcome from this latest loan package - that the media will at least make passing reference to the fact that the Fed gave automakers a $25 billion loan. In late September.

Just a mention. That’s all. Because Americans may not be much for history, but I can safely say I’d remember if I spent $25 billion less than three months ago. You’d think that would be worth a mention.


Hooverer than the Hooverest Hoover

December 18, 2008

United States president George W. Bush, explaining why he opened up the U.S. treasury so that Wall Street pushers would get their bonuses:

“I didn’t want to be the president who was there at the beginning of a crisis that is greater than the Great Depression.”

From threatening Americans with nuclear Armageddon to financial Armageddon, Bush has certainly shown that he is no Herbert Hoover. After all, Hoover barely killed any Middle Easterners. Bush has by far out-Hoovered Hoover.



An exotic snob from Southern California

December 18, 2008

When Madonna started speaking with a British accent, I laughed at her snobbery. Today, I realized a sad truth: I am Madonna.

You see, I’m currently in Colorado. While ordering a Starbucks coffee, I asked for “Grande.” Except, I didn’t say “Grande.” I said “Grrraanndjjee,” with full Portuguese flourish. Which led to this exchange with the barrista:

Her: “Wow, where are you from?”

Me: “Um, Southern California.”

Her: sideways look “oh.”

I feel quite the tool. Especially because I actually speak Portuguese terribly. I suck.


One-Liner: Scenes from a mall

December 17, 2008

Just spent a few hours at Colorado Mills Mall in Golden, Colorado. The. Place. Was. Deserted. Let me tell you, after growing up in the consumer haven that is the U.S., seeing a mall so empty a week away from Christmas was kind of surreal.


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