Dog thoughts

October 26, 2014


The moment you realize you’re hanging out with the cool kids.


George Foreman beats five men - stupidly

October 14, 2014

A long time ago (1975),  in a boxing ring far away (Toronto), George Foremen beat five men in one night. And, wow, was it stupid. Read more about it here, in my first story at the site Medium.



Heroic Adventurer discovers local WalMart

October 13, 2014

DES MOINES  - Local man Russ Thompson returned home to a hero’s welcome today, following his brave discovery of a local WalMart.

Thompson had set forth on his journey earlier in the day, after receiving orders from his Queen, Darla Thompson, his wife of 14 years. Thompson’s perilous voyage to the WalMart - located 17 blocks from his home - included battles with two street lights and an unforeseen sneeze that led him to briefly question his health.

“I’m pretty sure I caught something at the bowling alley last night,” said Thompson, a bowler. “Terry was looking like crap. I think he gave mea flu or something.”

Upon landing at the WalMart, Thompson was touched by the kindness of the native WalMartians.

“Everyone was so nice and so accommodating. They taught me so much,” said Thompson, 34.

After receiving their help and purchasing some of their items, Thompson attacked the WalMartians with full force, killing the vast majority of them using weapons he found in the store. Nearly the all the rest had been infected by the flu which originated with Thompson’s bowling companion Terry. Thompson then claimed the WalMart as his own.

Despite the carnage, Thompson was met at home with open, adoring arms.

“He really is a hero,” said Darla Thompson. “I needed those Oreos and I needed them immediately. Russ did what he had to do.”

For his part, Thompson said people just need to chill out and enjoy the day.

You could call it genocide, I guess. If you want to be a dick about it,” said Thompson, a Virgo. “I’ll let history judge me.”



Maintain your Fearections with ISIS & Ebola

October 13, 2014

Feeling flaccid? Feeling like there’s nothing left for you to fear? Has your penis stopped working?

Well, maybe ISIS & the Ebola Virus are for you. Yes, ISIS & Ebola have proven they can terrify some men into having erections they’ve been missing since Obama dumped bin Laden into the sea.

Think about it. Remember those heady days or 2001? The 9/11 attacks? Anthrax? Al Qaeda? Remember how hard it got you? Well, now you can relive those fantastic Fearections all over again with ISIS & Ebola.

So get out there today and watch random news shows about ISIS & Ebola. The misinformation and hyperbole will be all you need to be back in the ballgame.

Don’t talk to your doctor about ISIS & Ebola. Just listen to what everyone’s saying and let the fear wash over you. ISIS & Ebola - They’ll make your dick hard.


The Ebola Virus - Save yourself by being a Real American

October 13, 2014

America did not become the greatest nation in the history of nations by trusting science. In a nation noted for its partisan divides, it is this distrust of science that has taken the United States to the top of the mountain. Whether it is conservative mistrust of Climate change or liberal suspicion of vaccines, America is defined by the belief that scientists are nefarious cranks bent on world domination and the death of our babies and economy.

This is why Americans are disinterested in what science has to say about the Ebola Virus. Because science has proven they are illegal gangsters solely beholden to the overthrow of America. Think about it, today all scientists say man is creating a climate nightmare due to global warming. But just 40 years ago or so, there was once one article in a magazine that said the Earth was cooling. There’s only one way to explain that - scientists are big fat liars.

Or take vaccines. Today, Big Pharma and its band of paid science monkeys say that multiple diseases and ailments have been wiped out due to childhood  vaccines. But important Hollywood people like Rob Schneider - who was in the movie “Jack & Jill” - have stated that vaccines cause autism, mind control and various other ailments. Who is correct, science - which has always been wrong about everything or Rob Schneider - who is an actor in movies sometimes?

The choice here is clear.

So while science will have you believe that the only way to get the Ebola Virus is to have direct contact with a patient and that “All cases of human illness or death from Ebola have occurred in Africa,” we, as Americans are aware of the truth - the Ebola Virus is going to rapidly kill every last man, woman and child on the planet. Unless we attack it America-style.

This is why we have created this 5-step method on how to defeat Ebola in the United States.

1) Eliminate all science from the equation. By not having a Surgeon General and having a Fox News, the U.S. is off to a strong start. Stifling science and instead going with the more reliable “gut instinct” means the battle against Ebola is being won.

2) Shout angrily shrill messages at the Virus. Calling it a lazy “taker” that wants only to live off others will slowly sap the virus of its will and leave it weak and malleable. Also, call the Ebola Virus a hypocrite repeatedly. No living organism can withstand being called a hypocrite.

3) Stop giving “scientists” any type of funding. If they want to “cure” Ebola, let them raise the money themselves.

4) Stop vaccinating your children. Vaccinations exist. The Ebola Virus exists. Only a true Sheeple would think that these two things aren’t interconnected.

5) Kill or imprison all atheists. Ebola is never mentioned in the Bible, thus it is a secular disease. Outlawing atheism means you are outlawing Ebola.

Some may scoff at this plan of attack, but those people are usually scientists who get money from Big Pharma and want to destroy the United States government for reasons that are probably really awful, like communism or cannibalism.

In the end, it comes down to this: You could listen to communist cannibal scientists on the take and follow prevention protocols. or you can be a real American, ignore science completely, and survive using your own common sense. Or you will die a horrifying death, bleeding from the eyes. Because that’s what science wants. To control you and population with Ebola.

Or it’s Obama trying to get attention off of Benghazi. Either way, be afraid but be American.


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  • Details: Love never dies. Ok, everything dies. But this is still sweet.

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