Fact-Checking William K. Wolfrum: The Fact-Checkening

September 6, 2012 by  

Over the years, William K. Wolfrum has made numerous outlandish claims in blogs, on Twitter, in real life and occasionally while sleeping. Such claims demand non-partisan fact-checking to give the public the truth of the matter. That is why I, William K. Wolfrum, have taken it upon myself to fact-check some of these claims.

Of course, some claims are somewhat nebulous in nature and can’t be conclusively proven as true or false. This is why I have created the Wolfrum Truth-O-Meter to help rank the truth: True, Mostly True, Sort of True, True-ish, True-esque, Partially Mostly True, Completely Totally Mostly Partially True, Partially Sort of True, Partially Kind Of Possibly True-ish, Meh, Partially Mostly Not True, Partially Sort of Not True, Not True-ish, Not True-esque, Undecided, Feh, Totally Kind of Not True, Completely Totally Kind of Not True, and Pants Just About Completely Engulfed in Flames While Holding a Pinocchio Doll.

Using these simple classifications, the reader will now know which of the following claims hold are True, Mostly True, Sort of True, True-ish, True-esque, Partially Mostly True, Completely Totally Mostly Partially True, Partially Sort of True, Partially Kind Of Possibly True-ish, Meh, Partially Mostly Not True, Partially Sort of Not True, Not True-ish, Not True-esque, Undecided, Feh, Totally Kind of Not True, Completely Totally Kind of Not True, and Pants Just About Completely Engulfed in Flames While Holding a Pinocchio Doll.

Let us begin.

Claim: God “Bought His Mom A House” after signing a 4-year contract with Democrats.

Humanity has long debated the existence of God. With no ability to completely verify if God exists, there is no ability to know whether God, in fact, has a mother, and if God bought his mother a house.

Wolfrum Truth-O-Meter: Partially Kind of Possibly True.

Claim: Bobby the Dog Hates Baths

While Bobby the Dog obviously doesn’t “like” baths, it is not clear if dogs can experience a complex emotion such as “Hate.”

Wolfrum Truth-O-Meter: Completely Totally Mostly Partially True.

Claim: “We White males have long showed we know what is best for women, as can be seen by how rarely we use the word “vag*na.”

While it is inconclusive whether or not White males actually know what’s best for women, it is documented fact that men have asserted control over women for most of the history of civilization. It is unclear whether or not White men use the word “vagina” more than other races or genders.

Wolfrum Truth-O-Meter: Partially Kind Of Possibly True-ish.

Claim: “Everything in life is better if you add a duck.”

Ducks eat frogs. Everything in life is worse for frogs when you introduce the presence of a duck.

Wolfrum Truth-O-Meter: Completely Totally Kind of Not True.

Claim: “Ducks eat Frogs.”

A search of the internet stated that ducks eat frogs. Being that this information came from the internet, it is impossible to judge its veracity.

Wolfrum Truth-O-Meter: Feh.

That’s all for this week’s Fact-Checkening. This will be a continuing feature on this blog. However, due to the complexities of the word “Truth,” and the fact that saying something is “True” or “False” tends to upset people, it will instead be a “Reality Check.”

The categories for the upcoming “Reality-Checkening” series will include: Reality, Mostly Reality, Sort of Reality, Reality-ish, Reality-esque, Partially Mostly Reality, Completely Totally Mostly Partially Reality, Partially Sort of Reality, Partially Kind Of Possibly Reality-ish, Meh, Partially Mostly Not Reality, Partially Sort of Not Reality, Not Reality-ish, Not Reality-esque, Undecided, Feh, Totally Kind of Not Reality, Completely Totally Kind of Not Reality, and Pants Unrealistically Just About Completely Engulfed in Flames While Holding a Pinocchio Doll..

–WKW


Comments

2 Responses to “Fact-Checking William K. Wolfrum: The Fact-Checkening”

  1. Jeff Fecke on September 6th, 2012 12:04 pm

    But how many Pinocchios does this get? How can I understand if you don’t express this in terms of Italian puppets?

  2. 100% of Mitt Romneys think U.S. citizens are jerks « Media « William K. Wolfrum Chronicles on September 26th, 2012 4:38 am

    [...] “U.S. Citizens are Jerks” belief a “Completely Totally Kind of Not True” rating. The poll has a +/- of three [...]

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