Top-10: Mitt Romney Vs. TV & Movie Rich People

May 17, 2012

According to percentages, most Americans will not only not be rich, but will in fact go through their lives without even knowing anyone really rich. This explains why Mitt Romney can be a perplexing individual for average Americans to understand. You’d be thrilled if you found $250. He’s worth $250 million. There’s just no way to relate.

Luckily for Americans, we have all been exposed to literally hundreds of millionaires and billionaires via television and movies. While this may seem an odd way to learn about a candidate for President, the fact remains that most Americans are informed about this planet via fiction.

Thus, here are the Top-10 most intriguing and interesting TV and Movie Rich people, as well as the qualities they share with Willard Mitt Romney?

Bruce Wayne

A billionaire playboy, Wayne saw his parents get murdered when he was just a child. Inheriting his wealth, Wayne decided to become the world’s greatest crime fighter. Incredibly intelligent and handsome, Wayne has amazing courage. Despite never being able to adequately explain what the deal was with Robin, Wayne manages to have a strong public image and is well-regarded among all social classes. Also, he’s freaking Batman.

Romney Qualities: None. Not even a little bit.

Thurston Howell, III
Gilligan’s Island

Howell was only referenced as “The Millionaire” in the opening of the credits of the show, which was back in the days when “millionaire” was a pretty impressive thing. His elitism was unstoppable, to the point that he and his wife packed a ridiculous amount of clothing for what was supposed to be just a three-hour tour. Even on an island where money meant nothing, Howell lived life as he always had - as a superior being who was at the top of the social class. The rest of the castaways - apparently conditioned to treat the rich as their superiors - treat him as though his being rich in the real world matters. Howell once owned Denver. One of the bigger mysteries of the whole show was what he and his wife were doing on a crappy tour boat surrounded by plebes.

Romney Qualities: While far nicer and more likable than Romney, both share a complete lack of awareness to the world in general. Also, both graduated from Harvard.

Gordon Gekko
Wall Street

“Greed is good,” said Gekko in 1987 and the phrase immediately became the motto for the United States. For some reason, being a super-rich creep who screwed anyone to make more money became the model for true Americans. Because Gekko was super creepy. From dating models to owning ridiculous boats to just being a self-loving douchebag, Gekko was everything a human really wouldn’t want to be. Self-absorbed with a complete lack of empathy, Gekko was a waste of an incredible mind. Forget Ronald Reagan, Gordon Gekko is the father of modern conservatism.

Romney Qualities: Stir in some Mormonism and remove some intelligence and they’re roughly the same person.

Mr. Potter
It’s a Wonderful Life

Easily the most constipated man in the history of entertainment, Potter could only be more evil if he snacked on baby while destroying the dreams of average, hard-working types. Potter has two goals in life - Make all the money in the world and own the Bailey family’s crappy Building & Loan operation. He travels in a wheelchair only because hovercrafts had yet to be invented. He will gladly cheat to gain financial advantages. Just a really big asshole.

Romney Qualities: They may as well be the same person.

Lisbeth Salander
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Worth more than $2.4 billion, Salander had an abusive childhood and bears the mental scars. Like Romney, she is hard to peg, but while Romney is a blank slate, she is a cornucopia of complexity. She is a pierced, tattoo’d, bisexual computer hacking genius that uses her power and resources for good. Don’t cross her. Like a modern-day, hyper-cool chick Batman, she will get her justice.

Romney Qualities: Mitt Romney has a tattoo of Milton Friedman on his ass.

Hannibal Lecter
Silence of the Lambs

Despite spending a good chunk of his adult life in prison, Lecter was obviously a shrewd investor and manipulator of markets. How rich was he? Who knows? But the guy lived large. A one-time psychiatrist, Lecter has a taste for the finer things in life, including human flesh. An incredibly intelligent man, Lecter manages to be charming despite the fact he’s one of the most heinous killers ever put to film. Remember this dirty little secret? In the book version, he and agent Clarice Starling become lovers and live together in Argentina.

Romney Qualities: Romney once ate a census taker’s liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti. I shit you not.

Tony Stark

Like many on this list and Romney himself, Stark had to step out of his father’s shadow. Once a carefree billionaire making weapons to destroy America’s enemies real and perceived, Stark found the light, invented an awesome suit, and became one of the world’s great crime fighters. A true genius, Stark is equally adept at charming ladies as he is inventing things that have no business being invented.

Romney Qualities: If Romney had access to the Iron Man suit, this planet would be a charred ember right about now.

Scrooge McDuck

In keeping with their modern tradition of making everyone annoyingly lovable, Disney has tamed McDuck over the years, making him more of a good all-around person. But the fact is, at the height of his powers, McDuck had more money than anyone on the planet and was a miserly jerk. McDuck once used hired thgugs to destroy an African village in order to reap its rubber. He owned a private zoo that included the world’s last unicorn. He was a ruthless, money-making machine. Also, he was a duck.

Romney Qualities: Mitt Romney is not a duck.


The owner of MomCorp, Mom is the richest person in the future, by far. Weilding un-Godly power, Mom makes it her business to get into everyone`s business in order to profit and to torment her former lover Professor Herbert Farnsworth. Commits almost constant acts of abuse on her adult children, and very possibly straps them to the roof of her car during long trips. Tries to maintain a solid public image despite only caring about herself. Her hair hasn’t moved in centuries.

Romney Qualities: These two share so much in common, it has been speculated that Romney has probably also had a stormy affair with Farnsworth.

Ty Webb

The son of a wealthy man, Webb leads a free-spirited hedonistic life spent mostly at a country club his father co-founded. A genius golfer who doesn’t bother keeping score, Webb shows an ease around non-club members that belies his wealth. he takes young caddie Danny under his wing, helping the young golf phenom reach new heights. He even takes time to talk with greenskeeper Carl Spackler, even though Spackler is obviously insane and possibly even dangerous. Webb openly detests the rich people that frequent the country club, and is generally disinterested in his own wealth, leaving large uncashed checks laying around his apartment.

Romney Qualities: Ok, these two share nothing in common aside from the fact that reportedly in real life, both Chevy Chase and Mitt Romney are notable dicks.


Deepak Chopra gets honest on Twitter

October 11, 2011

I refuse to believe that Mr. Chopra’s account was hacked. After all, we must walk with those seeking truth and run from those that think they’ve found it.


Where’s the liberty?

September 1, 2011

It’s getting so Steven Seagal can’t even drive a tank into a house to kill a dog.


I may not love Israel as much as Glenn Beck says he does …

August 30, 2011

… but, unlike Beck and his Christian Zionist pals, I’m not praying for an apocalypse that will either convert Jews to Christianity or send them straight to Hell.


Kate Winslett is Batman

August 23, 2011

When not acting in movies and being universally beloved, Kate Winslett occasionally goes full Batman:

LONDON (AP) — Richard Branson says Academy Award-winning actress Kate Winslet helped rescue his elderly mother from a fire that destroyed his Caribbean home.

The Virgin Group boss said about 20 people, including Winslet, her children, and his mother were staying in the 8-bedroom Great House on Necker, his private isle in the British Virgin Islands when it was struck by lightning during a tropical storm early Monday.

Branson said no one was hurt. He said in his blog that he wanted to offer “many thanks to Kate Winslet for helping to carry my 90 year (old) mum out of the main house to safety.” He joked that Winslet “was wondering when a director was going to shout ‘CUT!’”


Look at Donald Trump!!

August 9, 2011

Donald Trump wants to be looked at again. Please take some time out of your day to look at him.


Matt Damon is cool

August 2, 2011

Matt Damon - whose stature is not to be questioned - stands up for teachers and stands up to Libertarian simple-think. How you like them apples?


Jon Stewart - He’s cool

August 1, 2011

Jon Stewart is a little, little man. I mean, look at the cartwheels the photographer went through to create an illusion of height? Because Stewart’s tiny. Like, almost make you feel a little uncomfortable tiny. Hobbits see eye-to-eye with him. But he has a big, big heart.

But in all seriousness, our favorite leftist political activist spent some time in Afghanistan this weekend, visiting and entertaining the troops.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart’s Jon Stewart joined Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, U.S. Navy Adm. Mike Mullen, along with NBA star Karl Malone and magician David Blaine for Mullen’s quick, unannounced weekend visit to the American soldiers serving in Afghanistan.

So yeah, he’s cool.


Shia LaBeouf - I tapped that

June 29, 2011

When I saw that Shia LeBeouf told the media that he had “hooked up” with Megan Fox, I was not surprised. After all, I have hooked up with him, as well

Yes, friends, I, noted comma user, William K. Wolfrum, have hooked up with Shia LeBeouf.

The first time was on the set of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. We both figured we’d never work again, so what the hell?

The next time I hooked up with Shia Lebeouf was on a cruise ship. We were with different people, but everyone on the cruise tries to get you to like everyone and you want to like everyone and they want to like you and, well, you know.

There was the time we just passed each other on the street when I wanted to congratulate him on his new career as a stock broker. (Interoil is down $15 since you were pumping it,  btw, Shia Lebeouf.)

Or when we worked as stock boys at a TJ Maxx. Hey, management encouraged us to get along.

There were other times, as well, but really who can remember all the hooking up one does. I’m sure Shia Lebeouf (he demands people always call him by his full name. It’s a little off-putting.) won’t mind me mentioning it. Maybe I should wake him up and ask him?

Anyway, let me just finish with this:

Shia LeBeouf - I tapped that.


Penis in Weiner pic to get Reality Show with Donald Trump

June 2, 2011

Hey, you heard it here first at the site that specializes in the hottest entertainment news! It seems The Penis in the Anthony Weiner Penis Pic Controversy has accepted a spot on a new reality show with Donald Trump!

The title of the show will be “Trump & The Junk”and highlight the pair’s wacky shenanigans around New York and the world, trying to raise awareness for Donald Trump.

“The Trump name needs to be associated with junk of this quality,” said a source close to Trump. ” It’s just the natural progression of things. Donald will ride this penis as long and as hard as he can.”

Sources said The Penis is excited working with Trump and that he feels the two share simple agendas. Sources add that The Penis is also thrilled to have a chance to show that he is more than just a media creation that has no basis in fact.

“He knows Trump comes with some baggage, but he’s willing to stick his neck out,” said the source. “He knows people are ready to see him in action.”


Elizabeth Taylor dead at age 79

March 23, 2011

Good Morning America has reported that actress Elizabeth Taylor has died at the age of 79. The Today Show has also reported the news, which is now being reported by all major news agencies.

Taylor’s death signals the end of Hollywood’s Golden Age, as well as the loss of one of the movie stars who ushered in the Gossip-laden coverage of Hollywood stars. Known as well for movies like “Cleopatra” and “National Velvet” as she was for her repeated marriages - nine in all, including three to actor Richard Burton - Taylor was the model movie star.

Last year, Vanity Fair published an article about Taylor and Burton’s love affair, titled “A Love Too Big To Last.”

Taylor was recently a patient at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center for treatment of congenital heart failure. She leaves behind four children, nine grandchildren, as well as a legacy of beauty and fame.

Taylor also leaves behind a legacy as a dogged fundraiser and advocate for AIDS awareness. Rocked by the death of her friend Rock Hudson from the disease, Taylor spent a great deal of time fighting for the well-being of HIV/AIDS patients around the globe. Taylor had a presence on Twitter, with one of her few tweets to her fans from July 22, 2010 reading:

No one is going to play Elizabeth Taylor, but Elizabeth Taylor herself.

Not at least until I’m dead, and at the moment I’m having too much fun being alive…and I plan on staying that way. Happiness to all.

Regardless of one’s opinions of Taylor’s personal life or acting ability, let there be no doubt she was one of the great cultural icons in American history.

According to GMA, a private family funeral for Taylor will be held later this week.


Crossposted at Dagblog

Donald Trump’s clown show

March 21, 2011

Showing his true colors as a publicity hound, Donald Trump has lately been making noises about running for President. The bankruptcy expert has been tooling about, talking himself up, while even throwing a bone to the Birthers by questioning Obama’s citizenship.

It’s all a ruse, of course.

Read more at Alan Colmes’ Liberaland.


Respect Jon Cryer

March 3, 2011

Jon Cryer isn’t all about winning. Jon Cryer is happy with a draw.

Jon Cryer’s best-known role as an actor was as Ducky. And he’s Ok with that.

If a neighbor asked Jon Cryer to pick up their mail while they were on vacation, Jon Cryer would do it. Maybe he’d miss a day, but he would never let the mail pile up.

Hardly anyone actually hates Jon Cryer. On the flip side, no one’s completely obsessed with him. And Jon Cryer thinks that’s Ok.

Jon Cryer is fun at parties but likes to leave early because he likes to get up fairly early.

Jon Cryer may not give you the shirt off his back, but he’ll make sure you have something to wear.

Jon Cryer is on a drug. It’s called Lipitor.

Jon Cryer once called a guy a jerk. But it’s ok. The guy was a jerk.

Because of Jon Cryer’s influence, Molly Ringwald never got overly upset when her career stalled not long after “Pretty in Pink.”

If a cat were stuck in a tree, Jon Cryer would call the fire department for help.

Jon Cryer once shotgunned a beer.

Jon Cryer gives good presents. Not great, but good. Like, he’ll get you a pretty nice watch that you’ll be happy with and wear.

If Jon Cryer were an element, he’d be Ruthenium, which is primarily used as an alloying agent.

Jon Cryer and his wife adopted a little girl. Which is a pretty nice thing to do.

Jon Cryer really thought that “The Famous Teddy Z” was going to be a huge hit, but he didn’t let it get him down too much when it was canceled.

Jon Cryer does his best to recycle.

Jon Cryer has never accidentally shot anyone, and doesn’t feel especially comfortable around guns.

Jon Cryer doesn’t believe the government had anything to do with 9/11, but he didn’t think attacking Iraq was that great of an idea.

Jon Cryer once went on a pot-fueled rampage, where he spent a whole week just watching TV, eating Dorritos, and playing Xbox. No porn stars came over, but he did watch part of a porn. Even then, he felt kind of bad about how the women in the porn were exploited. That’s just how Jon Cryer rolls.

Jon Cryer’s parents are quite pleased their son is Jon Cryer.

Jon Cryer is not an ego-maniac, and realizes he’s just an actor. But he feels comfortable being Jon Cryer.

Jon Cryer does not demand respect. But he thinks it would be nice if you gave him some. So respect Jon Cryer.


William K. Wolfrum’s Morning: Talk Talk

November 30, 2010

Lots of talk, not much action.


Obama to talk to Republicans: Don’t expect much.

Haiti: Well, at least the election in the ravaged country wasn’t really, really fraudulent. Cholera, however, is not slowing down.

Wikileaks: Julian Assange will do just fine in prison. Really.

Fed Pay Freeze: No more raises for two years for Federal workers - unless they are in Congress, of course.

Iran Nukes: Another discussion on tap, general sentiment is that Iran could conceivably be lying about everything and will continue.


Barca: The world’s best soccer team thrashes Real Madrid.

Leslie Nielsen: Remembering a funny man.


Mediaite: Hillary Clinton not at all pleased with Wikileaking.

X17 Online: Barbara Walters finds Justin Beiber and Sarah Palin interesting.

Crooks & Liars: Joe Lieberman loves Fox News, and will love them more when he’s an official Republican.

Bob Cesca: Sarah Palin’s DumbStupid.


Keep on talking.


William K. Wolfrum’s Morning: You’ve Got the Touch

November 17, 2010

TSA has the touch. They have the power.


A Time of Cholera: When Cholera deaths explode in Haiti, no one will have been able to anticipate it.

TSA = Touching Some Ass: The TSA chief is about to have fingers wagged at him.

[Read more]

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