Glenn Beck: Death Becomes Him

August 27, 2009

A while back, Glenn Beck of Fox News had this to say:

“You know, how can we live in a country that can’t debate things anymore? We’re going to disagree. But we don’t have to be disagreeable about it. Let’s not threaten to kill each other.”

With this in mind, I present to you my newest Blog Study: “Glenn Beck: Death Becomes Him”

Glenn Beck: Death Becomes Him

Sponsored by: Rosland Capital, Ashley Furniture, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Republican Trust PAC, Goldline International Inc., The Wall Street Journal, Citrix, Liberty Medical, Johnson Law Group,, Merit Financial, Fox Movie Channel, Zero Technologies, HughesNet,, Lear Capital.

  • “So Speaker Pelosi, are you going to drink your wine? Drink it. Drink it. Drink it. … By the way I put poison in your …”
  • “If terrorists are seeking refuge in a mosque, you know what? Blow up the mosque.”
  • “I believe there is a cancer that is radicalized Islam, and it must be cut out or it’s going to kill all of us.”
  • “(mimes loading a gun after creating a pedophile character) Bullet. Nice tight grouping right here (holds hands to his chest). … We’ll shoot him in the head so they die quickly.”
  • “Every night I get down on my knees and pray that Dennis Kucinich will burst into flames.”

… And now, a word from our sponsors

Rosland Capital, Ashley Furniture, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Republican Trust PAC, Goldline International Inc., The Wall Street Journal, Citrix, Liberty Medical, Johnson Law Group,, Merit Financial, Fox Movie Channel, Zero Technologies, HughesNet,, Lear Capital.

… And now we return to “Glenn Beck: Death Becomes Him”

  • “President Obama, why don’t you just set us on fire?”
  • “Polar Bears, I’m going to have to shoot them in the head.”
  • “[t]he Middle East is being overrun by 10th-century barbarians … [i]f they take over … we’re going to have to nuke the whole place.”
  • “Ask for it by name, my name, President Tom. Buy it or I will kill you.”
  • “[It's] the rape of a sacred memory.”
  • “If you’re stealing anything from my house, I don`t care if it’s a feather pillow … I have a right to shoot you. I not only have a right to carry a gun, if you threaten me, you have a right to carry my bullets, in a nice tight pattern, right here (points to chest).”
  • “If it wasn’t for my good wife, all of my neighbors would be dead.”

… And now, one final word from our sponsors …

Rosland Capital, Ashley Furniture, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Republican Trust PAC, Goldline International Inc., The Wall Street Journal, Citrix, Liberty Medical, Johnson Law Group,, Merit Financial, Fox Movie Channel, Zero Technologies, HughesNet,, Lear Capital.

We now return to Glenn Beck: Death Becomes Him:

  • “We can feel good that we killed not just somebody, but we killed somebody evil.”
  • “if this country starts to spiral out of control and, you know, and Mexico melts down or whatever, if it really starts to spiral out of control. … Americans will, they just, they won’t stand for it. There will be parts of the country that will rise up.
  • “the Second Amendment is under fire.”

Bonus: Glenn Beck: Racism Becomes Him

We hope you enjoyed the presentation. Once again we thank those that support and agree with Glenn Beck. His sponsors:

Rosland Capital, Ashley Furniture, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Republican Trust PAC, Goldline International Inc., The Wall Street Journal, Citrix, Liberty Medical, Johnson Law Group,, Merit Financial, Fox Movie Channel, Zero Technologies, HughesNet,, Lear Capital.


Martin Eisenstadt libels me in his new book

August 27, 2009

For those of you unaware, I spent part of 2008 scooping the mainstream media (by several months) and providing conclusive proof that Martin Eisenstadt was a grand hoax.

My reward - Getting libeled and being cast as the villain in his upcoming book. See for yourself:

This isn’t over. Not by a longshot.


Noam Scheiber’s other reality is just adorable

August 26, 2009

TNR’s Noam Scheiber describes a fantasy of his. Except I believe he was serious:

For one thing, it would single-handedly make the magic number 51 votes, not 60, since it would be suicidal for the GOP to filibuster the culmination of the last Kennedy brother’s lifelong crusade. Beyond that, I suspect the coverage of Kennedy’s death would silence healthcare reform critics and boost proponents in a way that netted at least a couple of wavering moderates — so clearing the 51-vote threshold wouldn’t be a problem. Heck, you might even see Utah Republican (and longtime Kennedy friend) Orrin Hatch back in the reformist camp.

So all the maneuvering around Kennedy’s hypothetical replacement strikes me as unnecessary at best and possibly even counterproductive, since it could only detract from what would otherwise be a powerful (and authentic) emotional outpouring in the event of Kennedy’s passing.

Pass that shit, dude.

HT Steve Benen


The “choice” of health care reform: How will health insurance corporations choose to handle windfall profits?

August 26, 2009

In 2004, Presidential Nominee John Kerry and the Democratic Party studiously avoided speaking much about health care reform. And while the official 2004 Democratic Platform (PDF) dedicated a section to health care reform - with tax credits being a big part of reform - it was largely outweighed by the issues of the day, terrorism and homeland security.

Still, the section on health care reform included this line, later popularized by President Barack Obama during his 2008 campaign, when health care reform was one of the top priorities in the DNC Platform (PDF):

“And we will provide all Americans with access to the same coverage that members of Congress give themselves.”

It’s a line we don’t hear much these days, as the Obama Administration has made noises that a “Public Option” is negotiable and not the main part of health care reform, anyway. And, according to Rolling Stone’s Matt Taibbi, the latter is true:

“Now, obviously, the public option was not a cure-all. In fact, the Democrats had in reality already managed to kill the public option by watering it down to the point of near-meaninglessness,” wrote Taibbi.

The question here, however, is this: Why has health care reform become issue No. 1 in the U.S. Is it purely the result of the election of a Democratic President and a public literally dying for a better system? Or is it possible that the health insurance industry was ready to make the investment necessary to insure profits for years to come?

It is a fact that health insurance corporations have continued to profit wildly over the past decade. But they have done so by jacking up costs. While the profits remain and the costs skyrocket, small businesses have begun to put a halt to many employee benefits, health insurance included. This is not a workable business model.

But this is:

The half-dozen leading overhaul proposals circulating in Congress would require all citizens to have health insurance, which would guarantee insurers tens of millions of new customers — many of whom would get government subsidies to help pay the companies’ premiums.

Basically, the health insurance industry has pumped more than a million dollars a day into the only fight they have to win - destroying the line “and we will provide all Americans with access to the same coverage that members of Congress give themselves.”

That is the entire health care reform battle in a nutshell. Because conservatives may howl about the costs of a government-run health insurance option, but it’s pure farce. How could any “fiscal conservative” look at the obscene amount of money the the U.S. government pumps into the health industry (nearly 18 percent of the GDP) and then state that the U.S. has the “best health care system in the world?”

They can say that because health insurance corporations fill their coffers. And the reality that “choice” in health care coverage would seriously damage profits. Health insurance corporations are more than willing to deal with some regulation, provided they remain the only choice available. Despite the simple fact that Americans overwhelmingly approve of the the choice that a government-led health care option would bring.

But at this stage of the game, “choice” isn’t even on the field:

Real choice is not part of the bills moving through the Democratic-led Congress; even if the much-debated government-run insurance plan was created, it would not be available to most people who already have coverage. Republicans, meanwhile, have shown no interest in making insurance choice part of a compromise they could accept. Both parties are protecting the insurers.

The result of it all is impressive theater. The debate has been drowned with a cavalcade of lies involving “death panels” and “assuring all Americans have access to affordable health care.” The choice for most Americans in this health care reform debate is basically whether they choose to drown out the lies, or buy into them.

Because between deals with Big Pharma and the the health insurance industry, as well as the blatantly obvious and over-the-top fight to demonize a public option, the main “choice” to come out of the Great Health Care Reform Battle of 2009 will be how health insurance corporations spread out the windfall of profits heading their way.

Which is how it was always meant to play out.


Angry Townhall protesters accuse Hitler of being “the new Obama”

August 25, 2009

BERLIN (Aug. 25, 1939) — A townhall meeting led by Minister of Propaganda Joseph Goebbels was interrupted by angry protesters, shouting anti-Nazi chants and carrying signs that compared Fuhrer Adolf Hitler to Barack Obama. The townhall meeting - which had the purpose of gaining support for Germany’s planned attack of Poland - was briefly delayed as the protesters had their say.

“We want our Germany back,” screamed one protester. “We will not go down the radical path America went down with Obama!”

Nazi officials hurriedly escorted the protesters outside, and promptly dispatched the protesters with bullets to the head.

Later in the day, Goebbels met with ABC political star Jake Tapper and denied that Hitler was leading Germany down the path America went with Obama.

“Listen, the comparisons with Obama are just flat out insanity,” said Goebbels. “Obama tried saving the auto industry, tried to get health insurance for all Americans and tried to help the U.S. and the world fight Climate Change. He was history’s greatest monster.”

Goebbels said that Hitler’s agenda was nothing like Obama’s and that Germans were worried over nothing.

“Adolf doesn’t want any of those things,” said Goebbels. “The Fuhrer and all of us have only the best intentions for this nation and we will continue our simple plans of invading every nation in Europe and eventually the world. And the people must not worry. We will continue to work to rid the world of Jews, Gypsys, Homosexuals, the disabled and other undesirables.

“We have only started. We will kill and maim millions and millions and millions more, until the Aryan race has it’s boot firmly on the neck of civilization,” added Goebbels. “These comparisons to Obama are just nonsense.”


Statement from William K. Wolfrum: “I Shall Torture with More Humanity”

August 25, 2009

William K. Wolfrum made this statement to his supporters at 3 p.m.

“My friends, my history as a torturer has been well chronicled. I remain unapologetic for my actions. I have done whatever necessary to protect myself, my family and my fellow bloggers. As we are all aware, sometimes difficult times require not only difficult decisions, but also the ability to use difficult-to-handle tools such as drills and vice grips.

Nonetheless, civil liberty types have made it clear that, on occasion, these acts of torture against my blood-thirsty, inhuman enemies have crossed moral guidelines. I have heard these complaints, and I am deeply moved by how some have such deep caring for the hateful, Godless animals that oppose me.

With this in mind, I have set forth a new plan of attack. Yes, I will continue to torture the pig-dogs that oppose me. But I will do so in a more humane way. I will torture with compassion.

First off, I will continue to abduct my soulless enemies and drag them here to Brazil in order to humanely torture them. But there will be more stringent guidelines. I will now closely monitor the pain I deliver to these psychotic monsters. I believe this will satisfy those who have criticized me.

Also, I hereby announce a full investigation of torture that has occurred under my name. You see, with so many disgusting swine out there for me to torture, I sometimes have to outsource. And on occasion, I have outsourced this torture to rogues who have gone too far. I shall investigate these incidents. While my lawyers have made it clear that I have every right to maim and cripple the disgusting vermin that oppose me, these small-time renegades that have pushed the envelope and practiced improper torture techniques. They will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

My friends, we are living in a time of change. A time of compassion. A time when we all need to come together. Because of this, I will take the steps necessary to torture properly, under the stringent guidelines that the U.S. has set forth. Throughout my history, I have been an International proponent for human rights and have voiced opposition to torture and mistreatment of prisoners by foreign countries. This is why I shall now torture with the humanity that my enemies clearly don’t deserve.

Thank you for your time and I have retained counsel on this matter.”


Michelle Bachmann - Pro-Choice

August 25, 2009

Pro-Choice advocates gained a new ally recently, as Rep. Michelle Bachmann announced she refused to allow the government control over her body.

“Under no certain circumstances will I give the government control over my body,” said Bachmann on Sean Hannity’s radio show.

Sadly, Bachmann will likely be unable to help the pro-choice cause, as immediately following the statement, she and Hannity began flinging poo, grew gills and crawled back into the sea.


Elizabeth Edwards opens a furniture store - But WaPo sees only John’s adultery

August 24, 2009

The Washington Post’s Names & Faces section makes a grand jump in covering the story of Elizabeth Edwards opening up a furniture store in North Carolina.

The John and Elizabeth Edwards saga moves on in North Carolina. Elizabeth Edwards opened a furniture store in Chapel Hill on Saturday, two weeks after Rielle Hunter, her husband’s former mistress, spent several hours in a federal courthouse in Raleigh, where a grand jury is investigating John Edwards’s finances as a candidate.

Both Elizabeth Edwards, who is terminally ill with cancer, and her husband attended the grand opening for the store, called Red Window, Raleigh station WRAL reported on its Web site.

Asked about her prognosis, she said: “I seem to have it pretty much under control. I go on and get my medications periodically and doctors seem to think I’m doing well.”

That first paragraph may be the most twisted bit of sexism you’ll find today. The story is this - Elizabeth Edwards opens a furniture store. Yet, WaPo manages to make it about the “John & Elizabeth saga” and get in John’s mistress into the lede. Because Elizabeth opened a furniture store.

Weak. On so many levels.


Gay Marriage Slippery Slope Update: No “Man-on-Duck” marriages yet

August 24, 2009

Currently six states have legalized same-sex marriages, with several more either prepared to legalize it, or currently working on same-sex marriage legislation.

Thus far, the slope has shown no signs of slipperiness, as no one has managed to marry a duck, giraffe, dolphin or dog. More on slippery slope conditions as they develop.


Jesus Saves! Provided you keep up with monthly payments and can afford the co-pay

August 24, 2009

As Health Care Reform has taken over the national dialogue, we felt it was time to look to our Savior for answers. From The Modern Conservative Holy Bible:

Mark 8:22-23

(22) And he cometh to Bethsaida; and they bring a blind man unto him, and besought him to touch him. (23) And he telleth the man “Thou co-pay is $1,000. Canst thou afford?” And lo, the man said “nay.” And Conservative Jesus took the blind man by the hand, and led him out of the town; and when he had spit on his eyes, toldeth him to get off his lazy asseth and get a jobeth. (24) And he sent him away to his house, saying, Thou art a socialist tool that never speaketh of pre-existing conditions.

Matthew, 23—24.

And Conservative Jesus went about all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues and collecting His Monthly Healing Premiums. He healeth all manner of sickness and all manner of disease among the people with adequate insurance, leaving others to dieth, as was his capitalistic wont. And his fame went throughout all Syria: and they brought unto him all uninsured sick people that were possessed with devils, and those which were lunatic, and those that had the palsy; and Conservative Jesus telleth the lunatic, possessed palsy-sufferers that he had a business model and he can not help them until the day they have the insurance and co-pays necessary and what did they think, this was a charity or something?

Mark 1:40-43

(40) And there came a leper to him, beseeching him, and kneeling down to him, and saying unto him, If thou wilt, thou canst make me clean. (41) And Conservative Jesus, moved with profit-lust, put forth his hand, and touched him, and saith unto him, maybeth thou should have thought of this earlier, when you wasted money on clothes and food. (42) And as soon as he had spoken, immediately the leprosy departed from him, for he was dead. (43) And Conservative Jesus sayith unto him, thou think I am a communist or Nazi? I provideth the best healing practices in the land, for only those that afford and fill out thy proper paperwork in triplicate and assure me that your HMO will cover all expense.

Follow the words of thy Conservative Lord and treat the lowliest amongst you with the disdain they deserve. For Jesus knew that profit margins and year-end bonuses were the way and the light.

Only those that may help themselves and have good enough jobs may be healed, sayeth Conservative Jesus. May his Randian glory be praised and may single-payer communist thought be banished to hell with the others unable to afford heaven or health.


Only heartless nations protect Airplane-bombing terrorists

August 23, 2009

Eric Holder: “There is simply no justification for releasing this convicted terrorist.”

Frank Lautenberg: “Releasing [this man sends the wrong message about the consequences of international terrorism and increases the threat of terror in the United States, the United Kingdom and around the world.”

Hillary Clinton: “We extend our deepest sympathies to the families who live each day with the loss of their loved ones due to this heinous crime.”

- On the release of Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi

He has killed 100s of innocent people for political purposes. And yet, a supposedly Democratic nation has protected him, enabling him to spend his remaining years in comfort. The families of his victims have had justice snatched away from them. He is a terrorist.

But in this instance, I am not speaking of Al-Megrahi. I speak of Luis Posada Carriles, an international terrorist that has long been protected by the United States.


A Kabuki Theater of Dunces

August 23, 2009

Here on the outer layer of the onion known as the United States, free men and women are arguing over health care reform. It is the latest debate. Previously, we debated issues like torture, war, and the economy.

It’s all pretend, of course. It is Kabuki theater of the highest order, with American citizens playing their part as they always have. We are a Democratic nation, after all. Appearances must be maintained.

Think about it. The “will of the people” is almost always completely ignored when it comes to massive moral and economic issues.

The U.S. is now a nation that knows for a fact that our government has tortured people. The latest torture story involves threatening prisoners with electric drills. Yet the GOP now says that the U.S. will be attacked by terrorists if there is an investigation into any of the crimes. And President Barack Obama has made it relatively clear that he has limited interest in the crimes of the previous administration.

Americans are also aware that the U.S. - which still has troops in Iraq - is now gearing up to accelerate its latest failed war. The lessons of Iraq, Vietnam, and of course, Afghanistan, teach us that this latest attempt to create a mini-U.S. in Afghanistan will result in little more than a waste of taxpayer money, lives, as well as ongoing chaos in that region of the world.

Most in the U.S. are also aware that profit-hungry investment banks created an economic disaster. And we rewarded them with obscene amounts of money. And the biggest of them have had their hands held until they have resumed making profits, to much applause from both sides.

And with health care reform, we should all be well aware that it is a battle of health insurance corporations versus the American people. And, thus far, the health insurance corporations are winning. Handily. And politicians - with pockets stuffed with Health Insurance Corporation cash - will work as hard as they can to insure that, in the U.S., sickness will always equal profit.

In the film “Quiz Show,” contestant John Turturro takes a dive on the show, and laughs when asked if it’s possible that he cheated while his opponent didn’t. Torturro replies by asking what sense would it make giving the answers to just one contestant? If you are going to throw a fight, both sides must work together.

And that, in the end, is the situation the U.S. is in. We are a two-party system. And corporations learned long ago to bribe both sides.

With an impotent (if not complicit) media, a President that seems desperate to hold on to the status quo on the biggest issues, and a citizenry that is arguing over issues that don’t even exist, we have become a Kabuki Theater of Dunces. We have kept ourselves on the outer layer of the onion, having been long-ago convinced that there is nothing underneath.

How do we end the play? How do we change our perspectives? We probably can’t. After all, the election of Obama was supposed to be a massive victory for intellectualism. Problems would no longer be ignored or overwhelmed by rhetoric.

Yet, here we are, in August 2009, and the biggest debates are about whether we are becoming a socialist state, whether we want to kill Grandma, and whether Obama was born in the U.S. For now, most other topics are conveniently being left off the table.

In the end, what it comes down to is the fact that most U.S. citizens are comfortable in their Kabuki roles. This is by no means to say that there aren’t many Americans out there trying to fight the good fight and help the citizenry. But they are playing by rules that may have never actually even existed.

At this point of U.S. history, the status quo could not be more safe. The very few will continue to take the majority with them in their search for never-ending profits and their strategies to forever stay on top. And the majority will continue to let it happen, as the corporate media keeps them too afraid, self-satisfied or oblivious to look any deeper. Americans will continue to play their roles, while those that run the nation are working from a completely different script.

Because it’s all Kabuki. Period. And the show will go on.


Obama Administration announces it will begin negotiating with White Supremacist Groups

August 21, 2009

WASHINGTON - Looking to find more allies for its health care reform plan, the Obama Administration has announced that it will begin having open dialogue with white supremacist groups.

“We are all in this thing together,” said Obama. “They are part of this nation, and we need to listen to their ideas. Listen, the further apart we are, the more middle ground there is.”

The move by Obama is the latest in his “Let’s Be Friends” tour, that has seen him negotiate with Republicans that are working overtime to defeat him anyway they can. Still, Obama said pragmatism and reasoned debate should trump all ideological differences.

“I understand that they hold different viewpoints,” said Obama. “But in the end, what’s important is reaching out.”

The Administration has said it will soon be inviting leaders of white supremacist organizations to the White House, where they will drink beer and talk politics. However, several white supremacists have come forward to say they have no interest in listening to Obama.

“We just want to kill him, that’s about it,” said one white supremicist.

Still, Obama said he felt that negotiating with white supremicists on health care reform should be a step in the right direction.

Bipartisanship is vital to America right now,” said Obama. “It is time for the Nazis, race-haters and others to step forward and be heard. I think we can find common ground.”

Obama also announced that he will be talking with “Tea Baggers” later this week to learn “What their concerns are.” For their part, Tea Baggers seem disinterested in speaking with Obama.

“Seriously, we just want want to kill him,” said one Tea Bagger.


No one expects a blogaround: Heaven help us

August 21, 2009

Thank God it’s Friday. Now if he could just help us out with the economy and health care reform.

  • TPM Cafe: This is the Public option, as it currently stands.
  • Glenn Greenwald: Mike Huckabee actively involved in treasonous activities? It’s cool, he’s Republican.
  • JC Christian: Breaking news from TownHall - the black people in the White House are practicing voodoo.
  • Vagabond Scholar: It seems there are Hitlers everywhere these days.
  • Eternal Earth-Bound U.S. Pets: When Jesus calls you to heaven, who will take care of your pets? I will, for one.
  • The Solheim Cup is here!
  • -WKW

    Marc Armbinder doesn’t quite understand what being a columnist means

    August 21, 2009

    In Tom Ridge’s new book, he describes how George W. Bush used terror as a political weapon. Of course, we all knew that. Except Marc Armbinder, who was under the belief that any criticism of Bush was the sole propriety of crazed, leftist, Bush-haters.

    Well, after being schooled by Glenn Greenwald and Marcy Wheeler, Armbinder has taken a step back.

    They haven’t changed my mind, but they’ve certainly modified my conclusion. I didn’t spend enough time thinking about what I wanted to say.

    While Armbinder has the right to write whatever he likes, here’s hoping he catches on to the job description of “columnist” soon. The main thing to learn? Columnists should spend time thinking about what they write.


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