Things I’m Not Going to Write About - Miss Liberty America

August 17, 2011

My desktop and browser is a place dreams go to die. Half-written stories or ideas lay about in different forms, taunting me. Of course, generally when I look back at them, I feel nothing but slight revulsion.

So it’s time to clear stuff off. Like the link on my browser to the B-Movie Title Generator. Or the notebook file that just has “Eco-Glamping” written on it. I’m never going to write of these things.

Nor am I going to write about the Miss Liberty America  pageant, to be held July 4, 2012, so they say. Here’s how they describe it:

The ultimate mission is to promote Liberty, the military, and the Constitution. The contestants will be judged in categories of personal interview, swimsuit, evening gown, beauty, talent, the Constitution, and Marksmanship! This will be the first pageant of its kind to introduce competency in the handling, safety and use of firearms, and CPR! The contestants must be able to save a life as well as defend one!

Miss Liberty America pageant will bring a fresh and modern approach in promoting and reeducating our youth on the Constitution. We want and need our youth to reclaim America and bring her back to Greatness! Let your voice be heard, your passion be felt, your talent and beauty be seen! Miss Liberty America will shine as a beacon of hope…


Hell yeah. Don’t get me wrong, I’d watch this event. You’d be crazy not to. Finally, a beauty pageant that almost certainly will end in gun violence and CPR. And swimsuits. And repeated call for government overthrow.

Seriously, tho, I see the humor there. It just creeps me out. So I won’t be writing about Miss Liberty America.


William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – June 11, 2010

June 11, 2010

A time of great joy turned tragic for Nelson Mandela, as his great-granddaughter was killed in a car crash just prior to the opening of the 2010 World Cup in South Africa. Read more here.

Wolfrum’s Word

With politicians complaining about “ragheads” in the White House and Americans having little remorse when they hear about an al Qaeda leader killed with his family, on thing is for sure - the rules of political correctness just don’t apply to Muslims, or the Muslim-ish, in the United States. See more of my take on this in my latest post at Alan Colmes’ Liberaland.


Brazil’s Rapid Growth: While the rest of the world worries about recession, Brazil now has to worry that its economy is growing too fast.

Oil Spilling more than ever: Fact: Since 2000, the number of oil spills in the U.S. has quadrupled.

World Cup

Mandela’s Loss: With a flurry of injuries, the World Cup run-up has been a tough one for African Nations. Now the nation of South Africa mourns along with Nelson Mandela, as the former leader struggles with the loss of his great-granddaughter.

Kaka’s Way: I’ll forgive Kaka for being a member of one of Brazil’s most corrupt evangelical church’s, because let me tell you, his heart sure seems pure. And luckily for Brazil, so is his game.

South-Africa vs. Mexico Preview: The NYT looks at today’s World Cup opener. There’s always at least one African nation that makes some noise in the World Cup, and this year, why not the Home team?

NBA Finals

In a lackluster game, Boston’s second team totally took over the game in the second half, helping the Celtics tie the NBA Finals at 2-2 with a 96-89 victory over the Lakers. While much praise to Nate Robinson and Glenn Davis for their stellar Game 4 work, the Lakers go into the final game in Boston with one thing going for them - they’ve split two away games and Kobe Bryant hasn’t really shown up yet.


John McCain - Not a Learner: If there’s one thing John McCain didn’t learn in the 2008 election, it was that “common man” Joe the Plumber was one of the final straws of his failed campaign. Ah, screw it, maybe he’ll have better luck with “Jersey Shore” star Snooki.

Also: Rod Blagojevich - on trial, Obama not a music video star, Sarah Palin & faux feminism.


Breaking: Sprinkling Holy Water on Atheists doesn’t hurt them

May 26, 2010

Like all incidents involving Holy Water and Satanic Haitian rituals, there still are many unanswered questions to this story of two women trying to de-Satan-ify an Atheist.

POMPANO BEACH — Two teachers accused of sprinkling holy water onto an avowed atheist colleague have been removed from the classroom, and may be fired.

The teacher who was allegedly sprinkled filed a complaint with the Broward County school district, which is investigating the incident as an act of bullying.

At the center of the investigation are Blanche Ely High School reading teachers Leslie Rainer and Djuna Robinson, who profess that they are Christians. They are accused of sprinkling holy water onto fellow teacher Schandra Tompkinsel Rodriguez. …

… In response to one student’s remark that the disaster in Haiti happened because of God’s wrath on the island nation over a pact its leaders made with Satan more than 200 years ago, Rodriguez reportedly began refuting Christianity.

The alleged Satanic pact in question reportedly occurred at Bois-Caïman, near Cap-Haïtien, on August 14, 1791, during a voodoo ceremony held by enslaved Africans. The reported pact came before the slave rebellion and start of the Haitian Independence War, in which rebel leaders offered the reported agreement in exchange for a victory against the French Army.

One thing to note: The only thing you can do with Holy Water is “sprinkle” it. Even when “sprinkling” it on unwilling participants.


Analysis: Is Lost Finale a harbinger of real life?

May 25, 2010

Like many, I watched the finale of the hit show Lost with much anticipation. Unlike many others, I take a very realistic view of the program.

Basically, I think we’re all dead.

Let me explain: In the finale of Lost, we learn that the alternate universe where they were residing is more of a limbo-type plane of existence. All were waiting to be “awoken” to their real existence, find peace with it, and move on, to heaven it appears.

So here’s what I’m saying: I think we all died during the Bush Administration. Now, that sounds REALLY far-fetched, I know, but think about it - it was the Bush Administration. It’s possible. He could have figured out a way.

Thus, I think we’re all stuck here until we are “awoken” and come to peace with what we’ve done to planet, how we’ve spread war across the globe, and that we elected George W. Bush twice.

And I think we’re going to be in this purgatory for a long time.


Finally, one for the goats

May 17, 2010

Occasionally, karma kicks in for good people. Such as this woman who rescues goats:

A Wal-Mart employee who won $2 million on a scratch-off lottery ticket has a lucky goat named Bucky to thank.

Beverly Evens of Anderson, Calif., rescued Bucky nine years ago. He had been beaten and abused, but Evens nursed him back to health, even bottle-feeding him. Since then Evens has taken in more than 40 rescue goats, Sacramento’s CBS13 reported Wednesday.

Evens finds her goats adorable but expensive. Their daily diet of hay — as well the extra fencing she needs to install to keep curious goats from wandering into trouble — puts a strain on her paychecks from Wal-Mart.

The needs of Bucky and his goat pals were on Evens’ mind one day when she stopped at a mini-mart for coffee and a lottery ticket. There on a scratcher she won $2 million over 25 years, beating the 1 in 1.2 million odds.

The moral of this story? If you want to save goats while working at Wal-Mart, you better win the lottery.


HT Michael

Jesus Christ, he’s hung!

April 15, 2010

As the Catholic Church has nothing to deal with of any significance at the moment, the above statue has sent Catholics into a tizzy. Because instead of seeing Jesus’ image on a tortilla, they see Jesus’ penis on Jesus.

Via Crooks & Liars:

Churchgoers are outraged over a crucifix in a Catholic church they say shows Jesus with exposed genitalia.

Janet Jaime is the artist who designed the crucifix hanging in St. Charles Borromeo Catholic Church. She was unavailable for comment, but her husband said critics are misinterpreting a common religious icon.

“This isn’t just a subjective drawing. This is a historical icon of the church,” said Reggie Jaime, husband of Janet Jaime, an Oklahoma City iconographer commissioned by the church to design the crucifix. “I can’t help what you see in things, or she sees in things, or anyone.”

The church’s pastor, Father Phillip Seeton, referred questions Wednesday to the Oklahoma City Archdiocese.

Monsignor Edward Weisenburger said he has no problems with the crucifix and referred specific questions back to Seeton.

Critics of the crucifix take issue with what appears to be a large penis covering the abdominal area.

I prefer to avoid comment on this massive controversy, but I will say this - if the artist intended it to be a penis, then we can all understand how Jesus got the nickname “J.C. Superstar.”


A hockey announcing career lost in the five-hole

March 12, 2010

My radio career began like many do - I walked into my college’s radio station asking about sports announcing possibilities and they said “Sure, wanna cover tonight’s hockey game?”

Thus, like most things in my life, my career as a sports announce started quickly with me having almost no grasp of what I was actually doing.

I mean, I know hockey the way the average American sports fan knows hockey. I can keep up with what’s happening on the ice. I know who’s winning and basically why. But I don’t know the lingo for the life of me. And let me tell you, from personal experience, you need to learn the lingo before you go on the air.

Now here’s something they don’t tell you - hockey’s a really fast game. Really, really fast. And here’s something they didn’t tell me - the team the fearsome University of Alaska Anchorage team would be playing a tea, made up from guys from Vick’s Vertigo Recovery Institute.

Adding up all the factors, and you see I had fallen into a dream assignment - Announcing a really fast sport I really didn’t know that well for my first time on the radio, in which one of the teams ends up scoring 18 goals.

That’s right, the final score was 18-1. You try and make that interesting. So my first experience on the radio consisted of me desperately trying to keep up with the game while finding different ways to describe the un-holy amount of goals.

Sadly, the one bit of lingo that stuck in my mind was “the five-hole.” Thus, about 11 of those goals were made through the five goal. the Vertigian goalie had a HUGE five-hole, and I filled it up with pucks, real or perceived. And honestly, I still don’t know where the five-hole actually is.

The final indignation? The fact that the engineer cut me off for the entire third-quarter. Meaning I was announcing the game (terribly) while no one was listening and no one was recording. It was totally the right thing to do.

My radio announcing career continued and got reasonably better (I was never again asked to cover hockey, and instead covered a lot of girls’ volleyball, which is a lot more fun). For the most part, I’d say that my desire to be a sportscaster was filled, much like that poor, overburdened five-hole so many years ago on that fateful night.


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