One-Liner: Anti-Gay Republicans

If anti-murder Republicans were actually murderers as often as anti-gay Republicans were actually gay, it would be a bloodbath out there.

–WKW

God speaks: “Beauty Pageant Contestants are going to Hell”

HEAVEN – God, the all-powerful entity that controls all things on the planet, spoke to his people today for the first time in hundreds of years. Using the voice of actor Dennis Haysbert so that he wouldn’t shatter the eardrums and souls of ordinary humans, God was swift and to the point.

“Beauty Pageant Contestants are all going to Hell,” said God, 46. “Did you not read what I said about pride?”

God’s surprise announcement comes only days after Miss California contestant Lauren Ashley said that gays and lesbians should be put to death.

“If man lies with mankind as he would lie with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination,” Ashley reportedly said to Fox News. “They shall surely be put to death and their blood shall be upon them.”

God’s comment regarding Pride has to do with Proverbs 8:13, where God says” “Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate.”

God ended his speech with a warning toward judgmental beauty contestants and their families.

“How about you people lead your lives, and then I’ll judge you,” said God, originally from Cerritos, Calif. “Oh, and if you enter your young child in a beauty pageant, you get eternal damnation. No compromises.”

While God didn’t mention Ashley or Carrie Prejean by name, his feelings toward beauty pageant contestants seemed clear. noted God expert Sarah Palin agreed with God’s words on Fox News.

“Beauty pageant contestants are an abomination,” said Palin. “I’ve always believed that.”

–WKW

Veteran Phillip Spooner on Gay Equality: “What do you think I fought for at Omaha Beach?”

What do you think about Gay Equality? WWII Veteran Phillip Spooner says it better than nearly anyone else could. A must-see video.

Via New York Magazine

We Americans grow up hearing about “Freedom and Liberty.” It is literally drilled into our heads day after day. We are now at a time when those words must either be proven true, or dismissed all together. A thank you to Mr. Spooner for his service and his beautiful sentiments.

–WKW

I’ve never been in the military but I know what the troops think

I have never served in the U.S. military. It was never really an option for me, as I tend to be quite cowardly and flee at the first sight of trouble. Also, I’m about as disciplined as Dennis Rodman. In fact, not only have I never served, I don’t really even know anyone currently serving. Nonetheless, I know exactly what men and women in the military are thinking.

First off, there are a lot of 18-year-old, old-fashioned, testosterone-laden men in the military who are tough guys. They’re often politically old-fashioned or conservative; they are not necessarily at the vanguard, in many cases, of accepting alternative forms of lifestyle.

Yes, these tough guys (and tough girls, I suppose) are willing to go into enemy territory, fight death-wishing terrorists and do whatever it takes to keep our nation safe. But they’re horrified of gay people. The mere sight of a gay person leads to what they call in the military (I’m assuming) “Spontaneous Pants-Pooping.” These may be brave men and women, but they are mostly conservative and mostly terrified of what someone does in their own bedroom. Trust me, I know.

Despite never having been in the military, I have a stunning deal of knowledge on the subject. After all, I love war. Thus, I’m an expert on those in uniform. Here are some facts you might not have been aware of:

• All of our troops are Christian. If they weren’t when they joined, they are now.
• Our troops risk their lives for the American people. Except for the Gay American people. They must fend for themselves.
• When our troops torture enemies (and all of them torture enemies, all the time) they call it “Happy Fun Time.” Like me, most of them orgasm just thinking about torture.
• Everyone in the military wants war, perpetually.
• Everyone in the military under the rank of Colonel has a vestigial tail.

How do I know so much about the mindset of those in the military? Because I’ve watched a lot of movies about war. And after watching them, I know that American soldiers always win. And I know that they, like I love war. But more than anything, I know they are closed-minded and despise gays and lesbians. I do, after all, so they must, as well.

--WKW

New Chuck Norris Google Trick!

This is fun. Go to Google and type in – Chuck Norris Homophobic Prick. Then hit “I’m Feeling Lucky.” Trust me, I won’t be sorry.

–WKW

The Day I Decided to Stop Being a Straight Dude

Originally Published in the UK Times Online

A minor incident in a barber’s shop last week has helped me to realize that I may no longer be straight. Not a fully fledged straight guy, anyway; perhaps not even a part-timer who helps the team out when it’s busy. It appears I may be going Gay.

I was waiting my turn for a chatty Latvian to apply the hot towels and razor when a handsome young dad entered with a small, fair-haired boy at his side. The man took a seat and hoisted the wide-eyed child proudly on to his knee. The first haircut, I speculated inwardly, as a lack of fatherly glow and feeling of mild disinterest swept over me.

From time to time, the dad leaned forward as they waited and whispered close to his son’s ear, tenderly kissing his fair head. Touching stuff if you’re into that sort of thing, I imagine.

Still, I think my life changed at that moment. I learned that I totally don’t want children. Plus, I so totally wanted to do the Father.

That’s reality, folks. Simple really. A proud dad, an adored little boy and a beautiful display of dependence and responsibility. It was the epiphany I had needed and I emerged with a dashing new haircut and a desire to plow the Dad into next week.

[Read more]

Gay Rights Now(ish)!

Growing up in this great nation of ours, I was taught to have great pride in the freedoms America has bestowed upon its citizens. I learned of the brave Americans who heroically fought to acquire these freedoms, and today I still swell with pride thinking of the Americans that made the ultimate sacrifice to assure that all American citizens would live in the “Land of the Free.”

Nonetheless, it took time for these freedoms to be acquired. The Founding Fathers were well aware that political pressures meant that they needed contain themselves when it came to bestowing these rights. In essence, there was – and is – the right time for rights.

In 2009, the Lesbian and Gay communities are fighting to have the same freedoms and rights as other Americans. Currently, gays and lesbians aren’t allowed to serve in the military unless they keep a large part of themselves hidden. Likewise, the multitude of rights provided to married Americans just do not apply to the gay and lesbian community.

Americans should feel shame in allowing their government to define which of “We the People” are deserving of all the rights and freedoms available and the time for Gay Rights is now. Still, we must go back to the words of our Founding Fathers to see that sometimes these things take time, due to complicated political reasons. A look at some of the famous quotes by great Americans:

“Each individual of the society has a right to be protected by it in the enjoyment of his life, liberty, and property, according to standing laws. Should these laws not protect groups of Americans, they must wait patiently until Congress can agree that these rights should, in fact, be available to them.”

– John Adams

“The ordaining of laws in favor of one part of the nation, to the prejudice and oppression of another, is certainly the most erroneous and mistaken policy. An equal dispensation of protection, rights, privileges, and advantages, is what every part is entitled to, and ought to enjoy. And I resolve that once there are no wars, once there is no poverty, once there is no hardship, once there are no important pending bills relating to corporations in the Senate, that we shall judge the political atmosphere and then take under advisement whether we shouldmake these protection, rights, privileges, and advantages available to others aside from rich white men.”

– Benjamin Frankin

Never have the words of our Founders been more important. This is why we all must fight to guarantee that the protections, rights, privileges, and advantages available to some are available to all. It is time for all Americans, regardless of sexual orientation, to have the full benefit of the freedoms available. By following the advice of the Founding Fathers, we shall repeal “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell,” the “Defense of Marriage Act” and all other laws that shut out Americans from having the rights that so many Americans gave their life to acquire.

Once the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are over, and health care reform is passed, and the unemployment problem is solved, and the international financial crisis has run its course, and we solve the illegal immigration problem, and the international dilemmas of Iran, Israel, Pakistan, Honduras, and North Korea are quelled, we will focus on Gay Rights and achieve freedom for all. Provided we have the votes necessary and there’s no election coming up and and no fringe groups make to much of a ruckus about it.

Yes, when the time is right, we shall fight. Or, as the great American Patrick Henry so proudly stated:

“Give me liberty or give me death. Provided nothing else pressing is happening and we have the votes necessary to achieve this liberty and are able to break any filibustering against said liberties and are able reach bi-partisan agreement that these liberties are necessary, warranted and don’t upset anyone.”

–WKW

No One Expects a Blogaround – Other Web Dwellers

Because shockingly, the Internets aren’t all about me. Yet.

Blue Gal: What feminism is all about at Fran’s place.

Joe.My.God: You know, I’m starting to think the Pope may not like Gay folks.

Phydeaux: Bob’s life is now officially a movie.

Jesus’ General: No one could have anticipated that R.Crumb would go over the line.

Talking Points Memo:“Ok, President Bush, you’ll be speaking after Zig Zigler but before Terry Bradshaw.”

DagBlog: All we need to do to get people more interested in politics is to get a ball involved some how.

Alan Colmes: Just a normal day of Hate Tweets for Alan.

The Joshua Blog: Spine flu decimating Democrats.

Shoq Value: The best Letter to the Editor ever?

–WKW

No time for DADT: Obama Administration too busy not pushing public option, not investigating torture

The Obama Administration, which has been busy being malleable on the Public Option for Health care reform, avoiding investigating war crimes, and giving banks trillions, just doesn’t have the time to deal with “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”

Jones said Obama “has an awful lot on his desk. I know this is an issue that he intends to take on at the appropriate time. And he has already signaled that to the Defense Department. The Defense Department is doing the things it has to do to prepare, but at the right time, I’m sure the president will take it on.”

As a candidate, Obama signaled support for repealing the law. To the disappointment of gay-rights supporters, he has yet to made a move since taking office in January. The White House has said it will not stop the military from dismissing gays and lesbians who acknowledge their sexuality.

As John Aravosis said:

Apparently, General Jones would have us believe that President Obama wasn’t aware that we were fighting wars in Iraq and Afghanistan when he promised to lift the gay ban during the campaign in exchange for our votes. So, Jones tells us today, Obama can’t get to that particular promise right now because he’s busy fighting wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Uh huh.

So when exactly are both of those wars going to be over? I’m guessing some time after Obama leaves office. And that of course assumes that we don’t have more wars to “distract” the president.

Don’t fret, my LGBT friends, Obama may eventually get around to giving you the same rights I have. He’s just really busy not getting his agenda passed for now.

–WKW

Gay Marriage Slippery Slope Update: No “Man-on-Duck” marriages yet

Currently six states have legalized same-sex marriages, with several more either prepared to legalize it, or currently working on same-sex marriage legislation.

Thus far, the slope has shown no signs of slipperiness, as no one has managed to marry a duck, giraffe, dolphin or dog. More on slippery slope conditions as they develop.

–WKW

Behind Chuck Norris’ beard is another fist. And behind that fist is a homophobic prick – It’s a fact

Chuck Norris facts are fun. I can’t deny that. But never forget that the man is a hateful, ignorant homophobe.

From Chuck Norris:

Lastly, I was appalled when I read the American Family Association report that on Friday, April 25, several thousand schools across the nation will be observing a “Day of Silence,” or DOS, which is a nationwide push to promote the homosexual lifestyle
in public schools. (DOS is sponsored by an activist homosexual group – the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network.)

Is encouraging or teaching about homosexuality what our forefathers expected for the public education they founded? Even the most liberal among them opposed it. For example, Thomas Jefferson drafted a bill concerning the criminal laws of Virginia, in which he proposed that the penalty for sexual deviance should be unique corporal punishment. Jefferson’s views were indeed representative of early America.

“Whosoever shall be guilty of rape, polygamy, or sodomy with man or woman shall be punished, if a man, by castration, if a woman, by cutting thro’ the cartilage of her nose a hole of one half inch diameter at the least” (Bill 64, 1779). Can you imagine a statesman proposing such a law today?

While I’m not of course espousing such treatment, I do believe that we should equally and adamantly oppose such aberrant sexual behavior from being condoned or commemorated in our public schools through textbooks or a so-called “Day of Silence.”

You can check to see if your local schools are on the DOS observance list. Whether they are or not, write their administrators to inform them your family will be boycotting the event if it takes place in your vicinity.

Chuck Norris actively promotes hate and violence against the LGBT community. If you are gay, Chuck Norris hates you. If you know someone who is gay, Chuck Norris hates them. He is an eliminationist that would happily murder anyone who is, in his view “aberrant,” if he could.

And that’s a fact.

–WKW

No one expects a blogaround – will you take an IOU?

Admit it, you never saw this coming:

Konagod: California can’t manage to even send out IOU’s? And does anyone even want them?

Group News Blog: Forty-three percent of homeless men over 25 are veterans, although veterans represent only 27% of men over 25 in the population at large.

Talking Points Memo: Yes, you heard it right – Karl Rove testified under oath. Now what?

TransGriot: BET forgets about the “T’s” in its ‘Who’s Who In Black GLBT America’ feature.

Hot Air: 52 percent of Republicans say they are willing to go down with Sarah Palin’s ship.

Jesus’ General: It’s like a good, white Christian can’t do or say anything without being slapped down by the politically correct.

Firedoglake: FDL still working hard to ensure a public option is included in health care reform.

Newt Gingrich’s latest marriage is destroying the fabric of my potential divorce

Coming from a conservative upbringing, I have long held strong beliefs about marriage and the commitment that comes with eventually destroying said marriage. So when I married more than seven years ago, I set out on a path to make mine the most traditional marriage and divorce as possible. As my marriage has evolved, I have followed conservative principles as best as I could so I could have the type of marriage that emulated those of American heroes John McCain, Ronald Reagan and Rudy Giuliani. These men had cleared a path showing us all that wives were to be cheated on and then divorced.

Like these great men before me, I have spent a lot of time fighting with my wife, losing interest in her, being mentally and emotionally cruel to her and finally ignoring her entirely. According to the examples set for me, I was showing myself to be the perfect heterosexual husband. A well-earned divorce would most assuredly be mine.

But things have not worked out as I had planned. My wife has shown herself to be openly hostile to myself and my traditional divorce beliefs. At first, I believed that it was something I had done, but I realized this couldn’t be the case. Then I pondered on whether witches or other evil spirits had invaded my wife. My tests on this theory remain inconclusive. But it helped lead me to the ultimate explanation – the fabric of my divorce is being destroyed by Catholic leader Newt Gingrich.

Gingrich, you see, had long been the best example of what heterosexual marriage is all about. He would marry women, tire of them, cheat on them, and then divorce them. His conservative leadership in heterosexual marriage has been invaluable for millions of earnest, Christian, heterosexual men to follow.

These days, however, Gingrich has strayed from his traditional heterosexual marriage beliefs. Because while his current marriage started with such promise – he got together with his current wife while still married to another woman and while trying to impeach Bill Clinton for an extra-marital affair – it has slowly become something that is destroying the fabric of traditional divorce.

Gingrich has now been married to his third wife for going on nine years. And he has yet to publicly humiliate her by having a well-publicized affair. Basically, Gingrich has shown no interest in continuing to be an example for heterosexual men like myself. He has let us all down lo these nine years. He is destroying the fabric of my potential divorce.

You see, there has never been any scientific study done to prove that heterosexual men have a “commitment gene.” We heterosexual men have been given a gift from God – we can cheat and destroy our marriages at our own convenience. Gingrich has long been a heterosexual marriage champion, going so far as letting one of his previous wives know he didn’t want to be her husband anymore while she was recovering from cancer.

Some may say I’m overreacting. “Don’t worry, Bill. Newt will cheat again. Newt will get another divorce. Newt will embarrass and humiliate this latest wife as he did the first two.”

But I am not convinced. I am fearful that Gingrich has lost his conservative edge and may just stay married to his third wife. And by doing so, he’s making the rest of us – who believe the sanctity of marriage is defined by divorce – look bad.

So Newt, I implore you, please regain the strength of character that allowed you to repeatedly commit adultery. Show the world that traditional marriage, adultery and divorce are issues that you still believe in as much as you did while you were Speaker of the House. The future of heterosexual marriage, adultery and divorce are counting on it.

–WKW

David Odgen Steirs to make a living as a gay man

Former MASH star and long-time character- and voice-over-actor David Odgen Steirs has come out of the closet. At age 66. Why did he stay a closeted gay man for so long? Because, like so many gays and lesbians, he just wanted to continue to make a living.

From Urban Swirl:

In the twilight of his career, “M*A*S*H” actor David Ogden Stiers has finally come out, saying he’s no longer afraid to be gay.

In a recent interview, the Emmy-nominated actor, 66, told the Oklahoma City blog gossip-boy.com, “I am [gay]. Very proud to be so.”

Ogden Stiers joined the cast of “M*A*S*H” in 1977 as the arrogant but charming aristocrat Charles Emerson Winchester III. In addition to starring in the sitcom, he voiced the characters of a number of Disney movies, including Cogsworth in “Beauty and the Beast” and the Archdeacon in “The Hunchback of Notre Dame.”

The actor said he kept his homosexuality under wraps for years because he feared coming out would hurt his career. But being that he has not experienced any anti-gay discrimination in the movie industry recently, Ogden Stiers is reconsidering what exactly made him stay in the closet for so long.

“I haven’t witnessed such things occurring in a long, long time,” he said about anti-gay discrimination, adding that his personal concerns may have clouded his views. “I should say in regards to this that many of my fears were in modern times self-invented. I’ve been working internally on whether they were the problem, or if I just continued using them as an excuse.”

He said he thought staying quiet about his sexuality would keep his income secure.

“I enjoy working, and even though many have this idealistic belief that the entertainment industry and studios like Walt Disney are gay friendly,” they weren’t always, he said. “For the most part they are, but that doesn’t mean for them that business does not come first. It’s a matter of economics. … A lot of my income has been derived from voicing Disney and family programming.”

Congratulations and welcome to a much freer life, Mr. Steirs.

–WKW