Statement from William K. Wolfrum: “I mean no offense”

William K. Wolfrum released this statement to his supporters at 3 p.m.

“My friends, due to the current whirlwind of controversy surrounding me, I find it necessary to speak out once and for all.

I am an honest, hard-working man with strong convictions. Nonetheless, I find it necessary to alert people to one important fact - I mean no offense to anyone.

I fully understand that many people have taken umbrage with my stance on gay marriage issues. I have made it clear that my deeply held convictions make it impossible for me to support gay marriage. These same convictions have led me to fight for constitutional amendments outlawing gay marriage, not allowing gays to congregate, vote or be anywhere near children. I also support forcibly relocating all homosexuals and their allies to the vast expanses of Wyoming.

But these are just my beliefs. I mean no offense.

I also understand that many have been outraged with my stances regarding the African-American community. But I am a strict constitutionalist who believes that the U.S. Constitution - in its original form - is the greatest document in the history of mankind and should be followed explicitly, just like the Bible. So my beliefs that blacks should only count as 60 percent of a human and that slavery should be allowed are based on historical interests and love of country.

But just know I mean no offense.

Also, some liberal interest groups and pro-immigration organizations have taken me to task for what they call my “radical” beliefs in regard to Mexico. However, recent studies have shown that a strong minority of Americans believe that Mexico should be domed and then gassed. My beliefs on this issue are all based on national and economic security, and such so-called “radical” actions would improve the lives of all real Americans.

So you must know that I mean no offense.

There are myriad other controversies that have been created by my many vociferous detractors. My belief that all women who have an abortion or miscarry should be executed, for instance. Or my belief that the Muslim world would cooperate better with civilized humanity if Islamic nations such as Iran were put on a steady diet of tactical nuclear weapons. Or my belief that Scientology is the one true religion and all that have differing religious views should be exterminated with malice. Or that Adolf Hitler, for all his purported flaws, was a leader of great vision and artistic ability.

But, my friends, we live in a free country. I believe that fact is often ignored by those who send me death threats. They are infringing on my First Amendment right to speak about my beliefs. I am being censored for holding alternative views, and this is as un-American an act as can be perpetrated.

I thank all of you for standing by me during these difficult times where I am being victimized for my beliefs. But I will defend myself using any means necessary from those that would take away my ability to believe as I chose. No offense.

Thank you for your time and I have retained counsel on this matter.”

-WKW

See more official “Statements from William K. Wolfrum” Here.

One-Liner: An incompetent CIA

Torture apologists have made one thing abundantly clear - they believe the CIA and its interregators are incompetent and unable to do their jobs keeping the nation safe without using torture, regardless of what any memos may say.

-WKW

Don’t allow Conservatives to lie about Matthew Shepard’s death

This is important. Rep. Virginia Foxx of North Carolina just spoke in front of the House of Representatives and outright lied about the murder of Matthew Shephard.

You can see the lie being told in the YouTube video below. I don’t want to advance the cause of her lie - which has been repeated several times on Fox News. Simply, Matthew Shepard was murdered because he was gay. He was the victim of a hate crime. His murder terrified other gays and lesbians and was meant to inspire fear in the gay community.

The horrific events that took place shortly after midnight on October 7, 1998 went against everything that Matthew embodied. Two men, Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson, lead him to a remote area east of Laramie where they demonstrated unimaginable acts of hate. Matthew was tied to a split-rail fence where he was beaten and left to die in the cold of the night. Almost 18 hours later he was found by a cyclist who initially mistook him for a scarecrow.

The Hate Crimes Bill will be passed. But we can not allow homophobes to lie about the death of Matthew Shepard. These lies become truths over time and we can not allow his memory, life and death to be twisted by sick individuals like Foxx and Rupert Murdoch.

To Act:

In case you’d like to call one of Rep. Foxx’s offices and politely let her know she’s got her facts wrong and politely request that she not perpetrate lies about Matthew Shepard and the much-needed Hate Crimes Bill, you can call her Washington office at 202-225-2071 or her North Carolina offices toll-free at 1-866-677-8968. You can also contact the National Republican Congressional Committee at 202-479-7000 and politely let them know you disapprove of Republican House members disparaging victims of hate crimes and telling demonstrable lies on the House floor. (HT Liss)

Others Writing About Foxx’s lies about Matthew Shepard

AmericaBlog

Political Carnival

Gay Rights Watch

Pam Spaulding

Shakesville

Below the Beltway
-WKW

One-Liner: Minute by Minute

If Barack Obama hasn’t fixed the economy by the time his 171,360th minute in office rolls around, I say impeach. The clock is ticking.

-WKW

One-Liner: A Swine Flu by any other name

H1N1 seems like a very impersonal new name for the Swine Flu. I suggest: Smithfield Farms Flu. Or the NAFTA Flu.

-WKW

No one expects a blogaround - It’s in the Bag Edition

This blogaround is brought to you by Orson Scott Card Brand Douchebags. Just one application and you’ll feel less healthy and much worse about yourself.

The Douchebaggery Report: The decidedly non-douchebaggy Phil Plait looks at how Australian ant-vaxers are reaping what they’ve sewn.

Drinking Liberally in New Milford: In case you were unaware, the guy who wrote “Ender’s Game” is a hyper-homophobic douchebag.

Skippy the Bush Kangaroo: 60 senators is nice, but don’t forget that Democrats don’t march lockstep like Republicans.

Blue Gal: We can’t look forward until we’ve cleaned up the past.

Vagabond Scholar: Why does the Cheney family want to pick and choose memos to release rather than a full investigation that would vindicate them?

This Week in Blackness: Rare Species of Non-Urban Africanis-Americanus Discovered; Scientists Hypothesize Some Blacks May Not Even Be Christian.

Antonia Zerbisias’ Broadsides: The UK has a big problem with violence against women - so they work on it by banning Keira Knightley’s powerful anti-abuse ad.

Matt Lewis: Arlen Specter Traitor!!!!!9/11!!!! But seriously, unless you’re a party not named Democratic or Republican, there’s no reason to get overly excited by getting a guy who just wants to keep his job.

The Political Carnival: If you watch only Fox News, you won’t be aware of this - Americans still like Barack Obama.

-WKW

Tiberius: No investigations in Jesus Christ ‘Advanced Crucifixion Techniques’ case

ROME (April 28, 1) — Emperor Tiberius Caesar Augustus has announced there will be no investigations into the purported torture and crucifixion of convicted heretic and enemy of the state Jesus Christ. In a statement from the Emperor’s office, Tiberius stated that Christ’s crucifixion did not meet the empire’s definition of torture, and that it was time for Roman’s to begin focusing on the future.

“As a general view, I think that we should be looking forward and not backwards,” said Tiberius. “I do worry about this getting so politicized that we cannot function effectively and it hampers our ability to carry out critical national security operations.”

The crucifixion had raised the hackles of many Roman civil liberty leaders, who believed that Christ was punished for expressing his personal religious views and did not threaten national security. Also, many believe that the treatment of Christ went much too far and bordered on evil.

“Jesus Christ was beaten, tortured and ultimately murdered by an evil group of people that believed the laws did not apply to them,” wrote the liberal organization MoveOnius Orgius. “So far there’s been no accountability for the architects of Tiberius’ torture program. We need a full investigation and real consequences for those responsible - it’s the only way to keep this from happening again.”

But Tiberius blanched at this suggestion, mockingly calling Christ the “King of the Jews,” and pointing out that his legal team of Johnius Yooius and Jaius Bybeeius had cleared the so-called “Advanced Crucifixion Techniques” as legal and not against international law.

“Because specific intent is an element of the offense, the absence of specific intent negates the charge of torture. … We have further found that if a defendant acts with the good faith belief that his actions will not cause such suffering, he has not acted with specific intent,” wrote Bybeeius.

Tiberius added that no charges will be brought against judges Sanhedrin, Pontius Pilate, and Herod Antipas, or anyone involved in the beating and ultimate crucifixion of Christ.

“For those who carried out some of these operations within the four corners of legal opinions or guidance that had been provided from Roman legal scholars, I do not think it’s appropriate for them to be prosecuted,” said Tiberius.

Many scribes immediately jumped forward to defend the Emperor’s decision. “Some things in life need to be mysterious,” Pegius Nouninus wrote. “Sometimes you need to just keep walking.”

“The Advanced Crucifixion Techniques memos represented a deliberate, and internally well-debated, policy decision, made in the proper places - the Emperor’s Palace, the intelligence agencies and the Justice Department - by the proper officials,” wrote respected scribe Davidius Broderius. “That way, inevitably, lies endless political warfare. It would set the precedent for turning all future policy disagreements into political or criminal vendettas. That way lies untold bitterness - and injustice.”

One Foxius Newsius Scribe, Seaniues Hannitius has even offered to allow himself to be crucified for charity to show that the practice is “little more than a college prank.”

For his part, Tiberius pointed out that the majority of Romans approved of Advanced Crucifixion Techniques, especially in cases with heretics such as Christ who posed existential threats to the empire. And Tiberius noted that Romans were still in peril from its enemies.

“There is still an enemy out there who wants to attack Rome and Romans,” Tiberius said. “We must not allow our resolve to weaken. We must take the fight to them, lest the response come in the form of scriptures, flaming arrows and far-flung boulders.”

-WKW

Conservative Leader has gay old time with Arlen Specter’s defection

From Twitter, Erick Erickson of Red State - which is truly the base of the GOP these days - had this to say about Arlen Specter’s move to the Democratic Party:

Guess now that Larry Craig is gone & Specter realized there was no teabagging at the #teaparty, he had to go Dem for Frank to fondle him.

Today’s conservatives - if someone upsets you, call them gay. What’s interesting is that as the authoritarian side has completely hijacked today’s Conservative movement, they are truly pushing hard to make the U.S. a one-party nation. Here’s hoping the Democrats are benevolent rulers now that those like Erickson, Cheney, Limbaugh and Palin are working overtime to make the GOP a complete trainwreck with as much political clout as Whigs.

Update: And as expected, Glenn Beck found the homophobic diatribe hilarious.

-WKW

Conservatives will assuredly praise Arlen Specter as they did Zell Miller

Michelle Malkin: “My Gentleman of the year, Sen. Zell Miller …”

Michael Barone: “I was under the impression that Andrew Jackson had died in 1845. But on Wednesday night, he appeared at the podium of the Republican National Convention under the guise of Georgia Sen. and former Gov. Zell Miller.”

Rusty Paul: “I think he genuinely does believe the national Democratic Party has strayed from its roots.”

American Thinker: “Zell Miller is a modern day scalawag. He seems to be damn proud to be one. He should be.”

Hugh Hewitt: From almost the momemt he was appointed to the United States Senate, Georgia Democrat Zell Miller began to warn his party from the floor and via op-ed that it was allowing its ideology to cripple its appeal. Miller warned Terry McAuliffe and he warned Hillary Clinton. Eventually wrote a book that detailed how the Democrats’ intolerance of anything but left-wing orthodoxy had driven it into the electoral ditch.”

Jonah Goldberg: “However, in part because Kerry’s left his record undefended, Miller’s speech was effective (and not that much more negative than, say, Al Sharpton’s in Boston). The focus group “real Americans” I saw on TV were impressed and I bet lots of other Americans were too.”

I’m sure conservatives will meet Arlen Specter’s switch to the Democratic party with the same admiration and aplomb. Personally, I think Specter long ago proved he is little more than a political opportunist. It would have been nicer to hear him announce his retirement.

-WKW

Life’s a comedy - until the joke’s on you

Ladies and Gentleman, the Kooky Hut of Columbine, Colorado is pleased to present the comedy stylings of William K. Wolfrum!!

[Applause]

“Hey, everyone, how are you? Let’s hear it for Columbine, the greatest city on the planet!!!”

[Applause]

“All right, let’s get this thing started. Anyone here got the Swine Flu? Raise your hand and oink in you do.”

[Laughter]

“But we need to look on the bright side of this. This immigration problem is solving itself…if I believed in Darwinism, I would say this was it at work.”

[Laughter]

“But seriously, the CIA is learning more about the swine flu. They’ve been waterboarding pigs.”

[Laughter]

“All right. The CIA still hasn’t learned how to stop the flu, but they do report they stopped a full-on pork chop attack on Los Angeles.”

[Laughter]

“Right on. Hey, speaking of torture, what’s the deal with all this hand wringing over waterboarding? It sounds like my sex life, actually.”

[Laughter]

Speaking of sex lives .. Hey, someone has to! I saw they had the First official gay ‘marriage’ in Iowa. We deserve to die from swine flu.”

[Laughter]

“But, you know, As a Catholic, I don’t necessarily object to gay marriage, but I positively cannot condone gay divorce. And under no circumstances should gay married couples ever be permitted to use contraceptives.”

[Laughter]

“Speaking of gay sex - Hey, someone has to! - What do they do when a transsexual goes missing? They put its picture on a carton of Half-and Half.”

[Laughter]

“But I’ve never understood sex changes. Isn’t it far cheaper to be flaming gay or butch lesbian? When you’re flaming or butch, you have personality! Sex changes are for boring rich kids. It’s like cutting off your …. um …. nevermind.”

[Laughter]

“Speaking of gays and transsexuals. Now that they’re getting married, it’s only a matter of time before humans marry dogs. So I say keep Bo away from Sasha and Malia.”

[Laughter]

“But I’m getting more than a little tired of this puppy stuff. I want to pour gasoline on that dog and set it on fire, like Barack Obama did America.”

[Laughter]

“Speaking of fire, What’s the difference between a ton of coal and a thousand Jews? Jews burn longer.”

[Laughter]

“But it’s great to be here in Columbine. I like it because the jocks and popular kids don’t shoot their mouths off. That’s because Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold already did it for them.”

[Boos. Hisses. Tomatoes. Pitch forks. Flaming Arrows.]

-WKW

Long-time Bachelor, 42, breaks up with latest girlfriend due to “scourge of gay marriage”

CANTON, OHIO — Long-time bachelor Tim Johnson, 42, broke up with his girlfriend yesterday, claiming that the current spate of states legalizing gay marriage had destroyed the concept of traditional marriage and relationships for him.

“She’s a really nice girl, but once I saw states like Iowa accept gay marriage, it destroyed the fabric of our relationship,” said Johnson. “Society is breaking down, as you can tell by the fact that I’m still unmarried, and more confused about marriage then ever.”

Johnson’s now-ex girlfriend said she saw the writing on the wall, and that she was fine with the break-up. Still, she admitted she was confused that he had announced it was due to gay marriage legislation.

“We got along very well at first and I thought he was a great guy. But he wasn’t very affectionate and we never were really romantic together,” said Sally Davis, a 32-year-old former model who now works at a free health clinic. “There was no chemistry, whatsoever. I don’t know what he’s going on about with this gay marriage stuff.”

Still, Johnson’s friends and family say that he has always stayed true to his principles, and they believe he will find the right woman soon.

“He’s a good boy, he’s just very picky,” said Johnson’s mother, Gladys. “Luckily he has a lot of friends he can be with now during this difficult time.

Johnson, a civil engineer, said gay marriage was an important issue to him and went against his long-held conservative beliefs.

“My father was a conservative, and so was my grandfather,” said Johnson, who works out up to seven times a week. “So my beliefs are very deeply ingrained. And gay marriage is something I find abhorrent.”

Still, Johnson - whose group of friends describe him as “neat” and “fastidious” - said his opposition to gay marriage should not be translated to mean he is anti-gay.

“I love homosexuals as I love all people,” said Johnson. “As long as they don’t touch me, we won’t have any problems.”

Following the break up, Johnson announced he will be traveling to Switzerland for a ski vacation with his long-time best friend, Kyle, who is also a bachelor.

“I need this time to gather my thoughts and really think about this gay marriage issue,” said Johnson. “The United States was founded as a Christian nation, and it can’t survive this scourge. Marriage can’t survive. Society can’t survive.

“Kyle and I take these type of trips about six times a year and it always clears my head,” said Johnson, who said he has not given up on finding the right woman. “When we come back, I may start looking for a girlfriend again. All I ask is that she’s understanding.”

-WKW

Meet Stefhany - Brazil’s Susan Boyle

You know, Britain can have its Susan Boyle and the U.S. can have its Adam Lambert. Because here in Brazil, we have Stefhany - The New Success.

Stefhany is a young singer with a nice voice and a lot of ambition. Coming from the extremely hot and poor state of Piauí, she has worked extraordinarily hard to find an audience, and her YouTube videos are all the rage in much of Brazil.

Her videos show off her voice, the fact that she and her family and friends are working with no budget, and that she really wants to be a star. And she’s already parlayed her Internet success into television appearances on some popular Brazilian variety shows.

Many upper-class Brazilians mock the tackiness of her videos and style. And while it’s true there are grandmoments of unintentional humor in most of them, the girl is working with what she has. And she has the entire state of Piauí behind her. So my hat is off to Stefhany, and here’s hoping she has many more “novo sucessos.”

Visit her Web site here.

-WKW

From the sports desk

Thoughts from an occasional sports writer …

The Lingerie Football League - It’s official, we’re the Roman Empire.

Didn’t follow the NFL Draft as much as I usually do. No problem, I’m sure at least three of the Steelers’ draft picks will be strong contributors withing two years or less.

Cruzeiro destroyed “rival” Atletico-MG, 5-0 (again) to assure they’d win the Minas Gerais State Championship. The Raposa haven’t lost to Galo in 13 games. Yeah, sure you don’t care, but I do.

Puerto Rican Juan Manual Lopez pummeled tough veteran Gerry Penalosa to keep one of the bantamweight titles. Here’s thinking the alphabet titles won’t matter to Lopez as he works his way up the pound-for-pound rankings. I couldn’t help thinking he was a left-handed Julio Cesar Chavez.

And yes, I’m anxiously awaiting Ricky Hatton-Manny Pacquiao. I think Pac-Man has too much speed for Hatton and could outright dominate. But Hatton has a lot to prove and is not one who should be underestimated. That’s why it’s a great match-up.

Dear NBA Playoffs- call me when Lebron and Kobe face off in the finals.

Bayern Munich sack coach Jurgen Klinsmann. I thought they were going to wait until he had led them to relegation.

It’s Champions League semi-final week. I know you don’t care, but everyone outside the U.S. does.

-WKW

Just wait 27 more years - the money should start trickling down by then

Trickle-down economics worked too well. In fact, the bottom three-fifths is getting more than a trickle. It’s getting the full stream.

See “Things You Wouldn’t Know if We Didn’t Blog Incessantly” for more.

-WKW

Glenn Beck invents DNA-stealing fear to fantasize about U.S. becoming Gattaca

Watching Glenn Beck, I was a bit confused that he dedicated a big chunk of his show about some some evil government plan to “steal” the DNA of every child and that there was nothing you could do about it. One thing to remember about Beck, however: Everything he said is either ignorant, a lie, or both. Below is the entire bill that he was so worried about. The bill that will lead us down the road to “Gattaca” and “Minority Report.” Note the bolded sections.

[Read more]

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